Demi Negara

Haiya ... Why So Susah One?

2009-12-05T11:20:00.004+08:00

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines Alien as:-
1. Belonging or relating to another person, place, or thing
2. Strange
3. Relating, belonging, or owing allegiance to another country or government
4. Foreign
5. Differing in nature or character typically to the point of incompatibility

and Alienation is:-
Withdrawal or isolation from other people, rejection of the values of one's family or society.

The gritty opposition to Satu Sekolah Untuk Semua by Chinese educationists and the Chinese community at large is to be expected. In a way it is understandable. Who are we fooling here? The self-segregating, self-alienising inclination of this minority group is out there for all to see in our daily life.

Yeah I know, the excuses spewed by the Dong Zong (United Chinese School Committees Association) people are beyond the absurd, and the high priest of this Chinese Segregationist movement, Yap Sin Tian, scaled new heights of oxymoronic idiocy. He said that "instead of promoting national unity, the implementation of the single stream school system would hamper unity and create racial tensions."

Ah? Apa? How?

Is this the kind of twisted logic taught in the SJKC?

Let me get this straight.

In this Yap fellow's convoluted mind, a unified school environment -- where our children attend the same school, learn the same subjects, and experience the same joy, pain and challenges of scholarly and co-curricular pursuits -- is an impediment to unity and spawns racial antagonism. And Yap's logic would infer that a three-silo school system, with National schools co-existing with distinct and separate Chinese and Tamil schools, would not hamper unity and not create racial tensions. Yeah, I know, this hard core segregationist's logic is fatally flawed as manifested by the malignant racial tension permeating our confused polygot society caused in large part by the inability of the alienised SJKC and SJKT products to fit-in with the rest of us, with the other 70% of the population.

Why so susah one?

Dong Zong's insult to our intelligence indicates one thing: the Chinese Segregationists are now totally bankrupt of reasons and excuses to perpetuate this societal anomaly.

Indeed, the only way Yap's statement would make sense is if the races never mingle from cradle to grave, with the minority communities languishing in their own self-sufficient cocoons insulated from practical interaction with the mainstream.

Is this possible anywhere on earth?

No, unless Chinese Malaysians form their own separate racially-homogeneous region where everyone from the garbage man to tollbooth attendants to policemen to bureaucrats are Chinese. Likewise the Indian Malaysians.

This type of Racist Utopia exists anywhere?

No lah. Where got?

South Africa's apartheid policy collapsed under the weight of its own ludicrousness a couple of decades ago. But the Chinese cannot be blamed for not attempting their own brand of apartheid as manifested in their ubiquitous Chinatowns the world over. Is this what PM Najib's 1 Malaysia is all about? Islands of racially-segregated Chinatowns and Tamil ghettos scattered over a Malay ocean where the races and tribes don't mix lest it "would hamper unity and create racial tensions" as claimed by Yap Sin Tian? Is this the "multi-national state" fairytale concocted by Yap Sin Tian's convoluted mind in his pathetic defense of Chinese schools in this land called Malaysia?

Haiya Ah Tian ... apa sudah jadi?

Lu mau sendiri punya negara dalam ini negara ka? Mana ada "multi-national state" dalam ini dunia? Semua negara ada satu "national" identiti maaa. Semua negara ada satu saja "national" museum, stadium, football team, flower, anthem dan lain-lain. Jadi dalam lu punya multi-national state, Malaysia ada satu Melayu punya negara, satu Cina punya negara dan satu India punya negara ka? Itu Iban, Kadazan sama Orang Asli amacam? Boleh kasi mereka sendiri punya "negara" dalam Malaysia ka?

Apahat lu pikir ini macam? Ada ka satu negara dalam ini dunia kasi dia punya tanah picah jadi 3, 4, 5 negara-dalam-negara? Lu ingat ini Malaysia macam kopi segera ka? 3-dalam-1 "multi-national state" kasi bancuh dalam air panas? Negara China ada bikin ini macam ka? Sana lagi ada macam-macam jenis kaum dan ugama dan bahasa dan budaya. Kurang-kurang sana boleh bikin 50 biji negara-dalam-negara wohh. Boleh ka Ah Tian? Mana boleh maa ... Sana semua orang kina pergi itu sekolah cakap Mandarin maa. Itu kawasan negara China sudah kasi ceroboh dan takluk macam Tibet dan East Turkestan pun kina cakap Mandarin wohh. Mana ada SJK Tibet atau SJK Uighur sana?

Itu China tadak kasi hak sama dia punya kaum minoriti lu takpa. Lu diam-diam duduk saja. Tapi lu mau paksa Malaysia kasi lu orang benda lain negara dalam dunia tadak bikin punya. Ini macam ngam ka? Adil ka?

Jadi lu mau Malaysia jadi satu negara aneh dalam ini alam ka?

Atau lu orang memang suka bikin lain orang susah? Amacam?

Ini macam boleh tahan ka?

Why so susah one?

Back to this "multi-national state" fairytale, the nation of Malaysia according to Yap Sin Tian plays host to Malay and Chinese and Tamil nations, each with their own schools, values, historical narrative, national agenda and identity.

Ada ka? Boleh ka?

This is what happens when even terminologies are distorted by alien concepts and interpretations spawned by Maoist thoughts induced by sole literacy in the national language of a foreign nation, a nation that hitherto backed the destruction of our Tanah Air during our vulnerable, embryonic hour, a nation that harboured the CPM murderers of our troops and innocent civilians for decades, but now don a plasticky façade of laissez-faire trade and commerce to shroud a ruthless intolerant one-party regime. This is the same intolerance, the grotesque chauvinism infused into these Mandarin-centric SJKC products.

The segregationists would parrot the need to protect Chinese "culture and heritage and identity" in their opposition to unified schools.

What is heritage anyway?

What exactly is the heritage of Malaysian born and bred ethnic-Chinese? Are these peoples' love for sambal belacan and durian and kari kepala ikan and empat nombor ekor part of their heritage? Or does "heritage" means assuming thick, imported cultural markers from China that was never part of the adat and kebudayaan of the local Cinas of Malaysia? For a start, come on lah people, Mandarin is NOT a heritage of Chinese Malaysians on the same basis Hindi is not a heritage of Indian Malaysians and Indonesian-mutilated Bahasa Indonesia is not a heritage of the Malays here. And if these defenders of the phantom "bahasa ibunda" took the trouble to read and understand the SSS Memo to the DPM cum Education minister, it was explicitly stated that the minorities should attend compulsory "bahasa ibunda" classes at the Sekolah Kebangsaan.

Why so susah one?

And still on this "heritage" poser, hey Dong Zong, what about my Kelantanese heritage? And the Kedah, Johor, Trengganu, Perak, et. al. heritage of the others? And of course the Iban, Kadazan, Melanau, Bajau, Kelabit, Penan and Murut heritage of our Borneo brothers? I don't see our heritage being eroded by our attendance in the Sekolah Kebangsaan? On the contrary, my Malaysian "heritage" was enriched by my appreciation of the cultural specificities of my Hakka, Hainanese, Cantonese, Tamil, Punjabi, Minangkabau, Javanese and Bugis buddies in my old hyper-cosmopolitan SK. BUT according to the SJKC-huggers, their kids' Chinese heritage would be lost if they attend half-day of SK five days a week during the school term.

Betul ka? Boleh pakai punya cerita ka?

Hey Chinese Segregationists, you saying that your culture and heritage would be lost, obliterated from the face of the earth merely by your kids' attendance in a unified school for all? What kind of culture and heritage is this? So weak, so fragile, so vulnerable to external exposure and stimuli? Hey, I thought we are talking about a dominant state of being here? What happened to the thousands of years of civilization? So effortlessly obliterated by the Sekolah Kebangsaan cikgus ka? So the simple SK Cikgu achieves what the Mongols, Manchus, Japanese and others over thousands of years could not do? Astonishing.

You are implying that Chinese (and Tamil) culture and heritage are outsourced exclusively to the SJKCs anf SJKTs? No community activities to enhance your language, culture, heritage, heirloom and whatnot during non-school hours? So your proud cultures are actually dependent on the Sekolah Jenis Kebangsaans for dear survival? Isn't this a dangerously precarious situation you've got yourselves into?

Why so susah one?

Tapi ini betul ka? Atau mungkin ini lagi wayang dongeng punya cerita?

I thought schools are for learning and for students of various ethnicities and backgrounds to commingle and interact as the Anak Bangsa Malaysia in a common language for all?

No?

You mean to say that you people learn your lion dances and who-knows-what-else exclusively in the SJKCs and nowhere else? Hence, if the SJKCs (and SJKTs) get absorbed as SKs, there will be no other platform and avenue to partake in your culture and heritage? So this explains your stubborn defense of vernacular schools as the primary medium to preserve your apartheid inclinations, as exemplified by this Leng Chai's incoherent ramblings, complete with inalienable rights under the UN Charter! I sure would like to upheld this "right" to a Kelantanese mother tongue education for my countrymen in Los Angeles. What dayya think? Would Herr Gov. Schwarzenegger oblige, even as he himself had to forego his native Österreichisches Deutsch and adapt to English like everyone else?

Why so susah one?

Actually, the "need to protect our culture and heritage via the SJKC" stance of the segregationists is just a smokescreen to hide their real motive of complete social segregation from the Melayus and others as their kids are pepped for life in the wider Chinese Universe centered on China with anchors in Taiwan, Hong Kong, Macau and Singapore and strategic phalanges in their cosy little Malaysian enclaves, in a system that inevitably produces more Namewees, Yap Sin Tians and likeminded subversives to further wreak social havoc in our negara?

Ini macam boleh tahan ka? Boleh benarkan ka?

Look, vernacular schools are not simplistic institutions for the learning and preserving of “mother tongues” and “cultures.”

Not that simple.

This phenomenon is the root cause of the worsening ethno-social fragmentation afflicting our nation today. You see, when you adopt a foreign language as the anchor of your inner soul, you’ll be immersed in the mindset and values spawned and shared by purveyors and practitioners of that foreign tongue. Indeed, language is the key determinant of social-group identity and the whole ecosystem of culture, values, aspirations and group cohesion, and these transcend man-made borders and geography. The Mandarin supremacy agenda of the SJKCs are relentlessly pursued at the expense of our national language and English. The pupils are immersed in a thick Mandarin-centric universe of foreign books, literature, arts, culture, philosophies, historiographies, values and self-image totally alien and incompatible with our national aspirations.

Indeed, the essence of Malaysian nationhood is subordinated to a Mandarin-laced China-centric paradigm as these SJKC products find it hard, if not impossible, to reconcile their foreign-sourced attitudes and outlook with Malaysia's national narrative. Hence, the creation over the past three decades of a new generation of re-alienised Chinese Malaysians stuck in their angry little cocoons estranged from the social-cultural mainstream, as typified by the bucketful of belligerent under-40 politicians in our midst elected solely on a toxic, race-based agenda by their alienised constituents. Yes, I'm talking about re-alienised Malaysians such as this and this. Come on lah people, after 52 years of Merdeka, we are still producing these kinds of ethnocentric little monsters attacking every single symbol and instrument of our Negara in their eloquently mimicked Beijing Putonghua Mandarin?

Why so susah one?

What about the government? Has PM Najib Razak's administration done anything to address this societal decay?

Yes? No?

What?

They themselves add to the pile via financial support of these unconstitutional schools?

Apa?

Using my tax money?

Like this how?

So PM Najib is condoning three Malaysian school systems (yeah, in congruence with Yap Sin Tian's nation-states within our nation looney fantasy) while inundating us with his 1 Malaysia pipedream? Can someone enlighten my simple Kelantanese peasant mind how the production of three distinct, mutually antagonistic groups of Malaysians out of 3 school systems fit into Najib's 1 Malaysia?

How?

Got formula ka?

Is it 1+1+1=1 or is the 1 in 1 Malaysia a cumulative derivative of some weighted fractional aggregation of the 1+1+1?

Or is it in reality three 1 Malaysias in a sort of parallel universe right out of The Twilight Zone, with 1 Malay Malaysia occupying the same plane but in a different dimension from the 1 Chinese Malaysia and 1 Indian Malaysia realities?

Why so susah one?

Well, PM Najib did say that he will leave it to the Rakyat. What does it mean, people? "Leave it to the Rakyat" to decide how? In pitched battles accross the land? Let the court jesters, clowns and village simpletons in Parliament debate it out with their wrong facts and incoherent expectations?

The "Rakyat decides" based on what basis?

Majority rules?

Consensus?

Can any society reach consensus on anything? Can we reach consensus in our neighbourhoods, our streets? Heck, what about in our immediate families where even the weekend outing can be subject to tempestuous debate among siblings and parents? Yeah, where can find consensus in life? Some souls out there cannot even find consensus within themselves!

Isn’t this where Leadership comes in? To forge a united stand towards a common goal? To seek the best solution prescription? Couldn't this be PM Najib's finest hour? His long-lasting legacy? At last reining in the ethnocentric excesses of the past half century starting with his push for a single school under one roof for young Malaysians?

Or are we still captive of the easy-way-out Melayu mentality? The way the Tunku dealt with Singapore's PAP politicians? Or a grotesque manifestation of the obscene Kaw Tim culture?

Why so susah one?

Remember my call for a Referendum? Is there a better way, short of forcing people at gunpoint or via the painful end of the bamboo stick the Field Marshal Phibun Songkhram way?

No. There is no way around this except via a Referendum of the Rakyat. One Rakyat One Vote, fair and square, adil dan saksama, tunggak kesamarataan demanded by these SJKC products all these years. Lets now practise this kesamarataan with a Referendum.

Apa? Tak mau? Tak boleh? Apasal?

So now Referendum also cannot ah?

Why so susah one?

So you demand democracy and equal rights BUT reject and condemn the very embodiment of these principles when you sense potential "loss" of your interests? Haiya, you treat democracy the way you conduct your business ka, where you deal only when you have overwhelming odds of obscene gains enabled by various shades of legality?

How now people?

Can a selfish segregationist minority hold the rest of us captive? To our national detriment? Until when? Until the majority conducts its own "referendum" on the streets?

Actually, it is not the government’s business to seek consensus on matters of strategic national interest. You don’t seek consensus at times of national emergencies, at times of social conflict, at times of war. And yes, we are at war. At war with ourselves. A war of attrition between forces of unity and a resistant group whose mindset is clouded by a different narrative of the very essence of this nation.

It seems the ever benevolent Malays are eager for unity. The others are adverse to it and are hell bent on segregating their social universe from the mainstream even as they loudly advocate kesamarataan and keadilan when it exclusively suits them.

Listen people. Humans migrate from one end of the earth to another BUT a feature inherent in the act of migrating and resettlement in another land is the immersion of the newcomers into the lingua-cultural essence of the host land. Malaysia should be no different. Unless of course these re-alienised descendants of migrants intend to preempt and usurp the status quo and plant their own linguistic-cultural markers on this land.

That I don't like.

As for vernacular schools, these incubators of re-alienisation -- no matter how they cut it -- will not and cannot last in this country for the simple reason that the fabric of Malaysian society itself could not cater to this alienising medium much longer. It's no more a matter of what Dong Zong or Chinese Segregationists want; it's a matter of what Malaysia will accept.

Robin Returns ... More Conversation with an Alienised Malaysian

2009-10-09T15:10:00.004+08:00

I met my friend Robin in PJ recently while on a stopover from somewhere far to Kota Bharu.

Robin seemed more animated this time, more agitated by events unfolding before his bespectacled gaze. He’s more edgy, more amenable to contentious debate, and seemed to have a loadful of grievances in his mind. He mumbled about the one-year anniversary of the “Anwar 916 Scam” -- the stillborn political revolution that was supposed to sweep the non-Bahasa Malaysia literate self-proclaimed Anak Bangsa Malaysia crowd to the corridors of power in Putrajaya. Then he bitched about the Perak political imbroglio, including the state assembly mayhem, blaming everything under the sun on UMNO/BN while oblivious to the root cause and sequence of events that led to the comical scenes, topped by the unforgettable spectacle of A. Sivakumar being dragged kicking and screaming from the Speaker’s chair. He next turned into a pseudo-CSI expert by blaming MACC officers for Teoh Beng Hock’s death, seemingly in denial of the slimy web of deceit and treachery permeating the incestuous relationship between elements of the Selangor Pakatan government and their organized crime siblings. The series of by-election victories for Pakatan didn’t seem to uplift Robin’s spirit. In fact, they just whet Robin’s appetite for more of everything. More power, more rights, more privileges, more concessions, more of everything.

I had three hours to burn at the PJ kopitiam, so I bought him a cuppa thick black local coffee, some kaya-spattered roti bakar and a couple of soft boiled eggs. I had the same thick black coffee and some subpar undercooked Nasi Lemak garnished with oily sambal, limp timun and burnt ikan bilis.

But fine cuisine was not on our minds.

Go here for the rest of the conversation.

Robin Returns ... More Conversation with an Alienised Malaysian

2009-10-09T10:16:00.005+08:00

I met my friend Robin in PJ recently while on a stopover from somewhere far to Kota Bharu.

Robin seemed more animated this time, more agitated by events unfolding before his bespectacled gaze. He’s more edgy, more amenable to contentious debate, and seemed to have a loadful of grievances in his mind. He mumbled about the one-year anniversary of the “Anwar 916 Scam” -- the stillborn political revolution that was supposed to sweep the self-proclaimed non-Bahasa Malaysia literate Anak Bangsa Malaysia crowd to the corridors of power in Putrajaya. Then he bitched about the Perak political imbroglio, including the state assembly mayhem, blaming everything under the sun on UMNO/BN while oblivious to the root cause and sequence of events that led to the comical scenes, topped by the unforgettable spectacle of A. Sivakumar being dragged kicking and screaming from the Speaker’s chair. He next turned into a pseudo-CSI expert by blaming MACC officers for Teoh Beng Hock’s death, seemingly in denial of the slimy web of deceit and treachery permeating the incestuous relationship between elements of the Selangor Pakatan government and their organized crime siblings. The series of by-election victories for Pakatan didn’t seem to uplift Robin’s spirit. In fact, they just whet Robin’s appetite for more of everything. More power, more rights, more privileges, more concessions, more of everything.

But fine cuisine was not on our minds.

Between voracious mouthfuls of roti bakar with kaya drooling on his thin office worker fingers concurrent with loud slurps of kicap-soaked soft boiled eggs, Robin mumbled a series of grievances befuddling his social universe. Perhaps he longed for my retort, a sort of self-inflicted spiritual masochism to exorcist the ghost of failed expectations haunting his inner being.

I was intently inspecting the Kopitiam’s grotesque rendition of the Nasi Lemak, a Riau Malay staple, when Robin abruptly blurted the first of his gripes. He protested, “You think it’s easy to speak Malay as a non-native speaker?” I took Robin’s outburst almost as a reprieve, an excuse to at least delay the partaking of the Nasi Lemak. Half distracted and switching focus from food to friend, I asked, “What do you mean?” Robin clarified, “You see, the Chinese here spent their childhoods immersed in their ancestral dialects and, in many families, English as well. Then they go into the Mandarin-centric world of the vernacular schools.” He added, “The rich kids proceed to private schools and an overseas education, bypassing the Malaysian educational system altogether. As for the rest of us …” I interrupted, “Yeah my friend, what happened to these people?” Robin incredulously said, “Haiya, they all must go to government schools lah. They must cakap, tulis, kira and baca in Melayu maah!” I said, “Yeah, so? What seem to be the problem for these fellow Rakyat and Warganegara Malaysia?” A flustered Robin interjected, “You think these poor kids can easily adjust their mind to think and learn and converse in Malay after a Mandarin and English-centric existence all their young lives?”

Before I could reply, Robin unleashed another burst, “What kind of country is this? You repress us from all angles; even our kids’ education you purposely impose learning impairments via language to ensure they are only as smart as the dumb kampung …...” I assertively stopped him in mid-tirade and said, “Robin, why don’t we both shut-up and eat first. Then we’ll talk. I’m hungry, this Nasi Lemak is a disaster and I better order something else before my hunger-induced urge to hunt for edible wildlife gets the better of me right here in PJ.” Robin ignored my pleadings and repeated his point. My primal instinct was to grab his scrawny neck and let go an uppercut to solve his problem, and then hunt for edible wildlife while I’m at it. But he’s a dear friend, albeit woefully damaged by four decades of societal conditioning. Hence, I will bear with him and collectively unravel the issues contributing to his inner grief.

I pushed his hand aside, quickly grabbed and made short work of the last piece of his roti bakar, gulped down a glassful of air suam and looked at him straight in the eye. I said, “Robin, why are you crying to me and blaming the government about the fallout of your own community’s stupidity?” His attempt to rebut was met with an even more forceful brush-off from a jet-lagged, hungry KijangMas and he wisely stuffed it and quiveringly slurped his kopi-o while half-staring at the inquisitive gaze of some noisy Hokkien cussword-obsessed dyed-haired Leng Chais at the adjacent table.

I asked Robin wasn’t it the decision of the ethnic-Chinese in Malaysia to insist on a separate education stream based on Mandarin, the national language of the People’s Republic of China? Why complain when many of these shortchanged Chinese kids later couldn’t adapt to the mainstream Sekolah Kebangsaan? Didn’t the government since the era of TDM attempted to gradually integrate these SJKC and SJKT kids with their Sekolah Kebangsaan counterparts, with the first step being the Sekolah Wawasan concept of shared canteen and recreational facilities? I said, “So Robin, who resisted this measure and rendered it an utter failure?” See, you people not only demand a separate educational silo, you also fight to maintain complete social segregation from the rest of Malaysian society at the crucial formative years of your young people. Of course, by the time these kids become adolescent First Formers at the integrated Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan, its already too late. They would find it hard to adapt with the mainstream, where every facet of life – language, culture, identity and self-image – seemed so different, so alien.

Robin seemed stumped at the very obvious answer, perhaps reflective of his social group's abject irrationality on matters of education and social integration, where even the simplest, obvious answers are smothered by their collective prejudices and eluded their consciousness. With Robin in a state of logical incoherence, I inquired why it is o.k. for his two nephews in Perth to go to the Aussie equivalent of our Sekolah Kebangsaan and his wife’s kid brother likewise in Vancouver? Why no insistence on SJKCs in Western Australia or British Columbia? Forget these faraway places, what about Johor’s old Pulau Singapura? Any more “Chinese School” in Kiasu Country? Nope. No "Chinese School" in Singapore. Sure, they have Mandarin "Mother Tongue" classes, but that's it.

I asked, “Hey, I heard some bloggers initiated a campaign for unified schools …” Robin interjected, “Haiya Bosz, this was started by that baby rusa with RPG maah, rusa mas or Bambi Rambo or something.” I said, “You mean Bambo?” Robin said, “Yeah. He should show his face lah.” I added, “Well, maybe that’s how he actually looked like?” Robin replied, “Could be la Bosz, and we won’t laugh if he’s ugly maah. Bloggers are all fat or ugly one what, true or not ah Bosz?” I said, “Ya kah? And some are probably maladjusted psychos too.” Robin nodded and made a quite convincing impression of a “cyber-psycho” while loudly slurping his soft-boiled eggs. He mumbled, “I heard this rusa mas used to serve with Baby Doc Duvalier’s Tonton Macoutes in old Haiti.” I said, “No lah, where got? I read in a subversive blog that he was sifu for the 12-year old twins that led the whacky, now disbanded “God’s Army” in eastern Myanmar? And then his ragtag guerillas launched an insurrection somewhere in Thailand.” Robin queried, “Waulau Bosz, you know a lot about this baby rusa; you know him ahh?” I ignored Robin’s inquiry and continued to probe his mindset, asking why he seemed to resist Satu Sekolah. Robin then went on and on about cultural preservation, ancestral relics and heritage pride and the importance of maintaining the roots and origins and vestiges of some glorious past.

I asked Robin, “Waah, if your peoples’ past in your medieval ancestral domain was so great and worthy of worshipping and emulation to the traumatic extreme by fifth generation Malaysians, why did your ancestors jettisoned themselves from this glorious land of culture and heritage and underwent unimaginable risks and hardships to start a new life with nothing more than a cangkul in a hot tropical neverland claimed as their own by "racist Malays”? Robin protested, “Haiyah, I don't know what happened in the past, but now that we are here, we must defend our language and culture and identity maah!” I asked how come only descendants of immigrants in Malaysia worry soooo very much about “Cultural Preservation”? In California, the first thing foreign students and economic migrants from China, Taiwan, Hong Kong and the Indian subcontinent would do is to throw away their Cultural Baggage (clothing, mannerism and language) and metamorphose into a California Beach Bum celup faster than I can say Gong Xi Fa Cai! And these people crave acceptance even as they are ridiculed on American national television.

Yeah, just last week I met and barely recognized “Bruce Liow,” a 20-something Perakian who is making a small Ringgit fortune as an illegal kitchen hand at Benihana in nearby Torrance using his cousin’s Green Card and Social Security number. Well, the old kuaci-junkie Liow Siew Meng is gone just six weeks after he absconded from his Tour Group at Disneyland. I’m sure even old madam Liow in Bidor wouldn’t recognize her son, with his dark glasses, baggy bermudas, oversized sweatshirt, hush puppies, chewing gum and all. I don’t see a dire need to maintain any Chinese cultural roots and ethnic identity and linguistic heritage in this Bruce Liow @ Liow Siew Meng. Why only in Malaysia? Why is this “need” to uphold some obscure Kwangtung heritage and Fukien pride, this pathological need for ancestral language and identity prevalent only in Malaysia, but not in America, Britain, Europe, Australia, Thailand, Indonesia and elsewhere? I don’t see cries for cultural preservation and vernacular schools in these places? Why?

I told Robin, “Come on buddy, just look at Kylie Kwong. She talks and acts more Australian than the typical Aussie from the outback!” I added, “And you yourself adapted well to your old Australian college and job and lifestyle, with no demands for Chinese anything? Then how come you morphed into a grotesque ethnocentric monster when you returned to Malaysia, demanding Chinese rights over everything? Is it because the Malaysian government is a pushover, soft and clueless and blinded by a misguided adherence to some twisted socio-diversity fairytale parroted by anti-unity racists out there, exacerbated by abject ignorance of the history of nationbuilding in the world through the ages?" Robin kept quiet as he digested my inquisition. Really, out of the 200 plus nations on the face of this Bumi, how come this “must have Chinese school or else” compulsive obsessive disorder afflicts only Persekutuan Malaysia? Yeah, nowhere else on earth. So Malaysia proudly joins China and Taiwan to form an exclusive Mandarin-centric SinoSuperSpecial Educational League. Now you tell me how can this make sense?

I said “Malaysia Boleh!” Robin said, “please lah Bosz, I hate that phrase.” Huh? Now you add another item in your ever growing bucket of Malaysian symbolisms and instruments of nationhood that you took it upon yourselves to become allergic to? I told Robin half-jokingly, “I have a cure for your PatrioPhobia affliction; I’m gonna make you put on a Songkok and hold a Keris up in the air and shout ‘Malaysia Boleh!’ on the chair of this kopitiam. Then you sing Negaraku out loud with tears of patriotic joy streaming down your cheeks.” Robin smirked and let out a pained laugh and said, “Haiya, Negara Lu lah Bosz, not Negara Ku. Bukan aku punya.” Before I could digest this profound statement, Robin sprang to life and blurted, “You know what, even our 31st August Merdeka Day is not for all, non inclusive, and meaningless to the Sabah and Sarawak people.” I’ve heard this subversive spin before but feign ignorance to further harvest the contorted nuggets from the dark recesses of this Alienised Malaysian’s psyche. I asked: “Huh, where did you get this anomalous logic, the Pakatan gang?” Robin affirmed it energetically, and with new found vigour and conviction said that his DAP and PKR friends are now unraveling the many fallacies created by UMNO over the past half-century. With pride and fervour, Robin proclaimed: “I will never accept 31st August 1957 as Malaysia’s National Day” and gurgled and gulped down the last of his kopi-o with gusto.

My amazement at Robin’s near malignant political impairment was smothered by hunger pangs exacerbated by my refusal to consume the Nasi Lemak. Upon my repeated hyper-gesticulation – with deft use of the global sign language to depict “mana gua punya order?” and “lu mau kena hantam ka?” – the sour-faced overworked Rohingya illegal worker let go of his filthy mop and brought much needed sustenance, this time Teh Tarik Kurang Manis, and he made sure his filthy paw got imprinted on the spilled condensed milk near the rim of the glass, yup, the spot meant for your lips. Likewise for our Roti Canai Banjir where his thumb was half-immersed in the parapu. I gesticulated my disgust at his unhygienic ways and this pendatang (who would probably carry a Sabah-issued MyCard by next year) hurriedly disappeared into the crowd and came back with two small bowls of soft-boiled eggs and a tall glass of Iced Coffee which we did not order. Visibly irritated by this distraction, Robin said at least the Iced Coffee came with a straw and he didn’t see any thumb sticking into the soft-boiled eggs when it was dumped on our table. I agreed. So its soft-boiled eggs as the main course for me then, washed down by the Iced Coffee.

Energised by the dose of protein (… and cholesterol), I asked Robin if he’s a regular at this joint? He said, “Of course; good food maa. Cheap somemore. And can feast the eyes for free at the clubbing Ah Mois, sniggering with a typical HamSapLo twinkle in his eyes.” I wondered where are these Ah Mois? All I saw that evening were pathetic, lonely Ah Sohs lamenting the loss of their Ah Peks to the leggy China Mali wallet busting "tourists." And I began to sense a correlation between Robin’s degenerative political logic with the frequency of his consumption of detergent-, dirt- and bleach-laced food and drinks at that busy kopitiam. So I told a bemused Robin, “Hey you can be a good subject for a simple linear regression model here, where I can correlate the frequency of your visit to this kopitiam to the deterioration of your political mindset.” My attempt to inscribe the elegant equation of the Robin-Kopitiam PoliRetard Coefficient on the serviette was interrupted by our Rohingya floor cleaner cum dirty-hands food preparer who dumped another two plates of the infamous Nasi Lemak on our messy table. I asked this shifty-eyed PATI, which I Christened “Tyrone,” who the heck ordered two more plates of this insult to my culinary senses? Tyrone’s hand gestures and garbled talk implicated a surprised Robin. I asked Robin to start gesticulating wildly that he did not order the food, and sniggered in schadenfreude anticipation of Robin’s impending communication calamity in sorting out this mess. Well, Robin nonchalantly uttered to Tyrone in Hokkien – you know the Boh Liao stuff – and this filthy-pawed brute kinda curtseyed and merrily hop scotched and skipped away to deliver the two plates to a couple of busily gossiping Ah Sohs! Well, I’ll be darned. I asked: “Hoi Robin, these new pendatangs also go to the SJKC kah?” Robin replied, “No lah Bosz, it's straight from rickety tongkang to kopitiam two months ago for this guy” in a rare show of wit and humour that got me laughing.

The sideshow now behind us, Robin spiritedly repeated the glorious platinum-class DAP-concocted rallying point that 31st August is not the National Day for all Malaysians, this time convinced that I would not be able to rebut him. While gazing at the sight of his lips touching Tyrone’s sticky pawprint on the slimy Teh Tarik glass (further reaffirming the empirical evidence of the stillborn Robin-Kopitiam PoliRetard Coefficient), I asked: “O.k., based on your logic, 37 American states should not accept July 4, 1776 as their independence day then.” As Robin continued slurping the bleached-enhanced Teh Tarik, I told him that since only Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, South Carolina, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island and Virginia signed the declaration of independence, the Americans would need to celebrate the 4th of July PLUS 37 other dates for the other states of the union. Does this make sense? The 49th state Alaska joined the American union only on January 3, 1959 and 50th state Hawaii joined as recently as August 21, 1959, almost two centuries after American independence. I asked Robin whether Alaskans and Hawaiians celebrate these dates? Before Robin could muster a spin to his answer, I told him, “Heck, they don't even know about these dates.” So I asked whether these late entries make them less American than a jock from Connecticut? Obviously not. Then why the opportunists of the Pakatan gang want to poison the minds of our Borneo brothers by creating an issue out of nothing, by isolating 31st August as if it symbolised some Tuhan-forsaken UMNO-designed non-event, and not a symbolic beginning date for the emancipation of the various Kesultanan Melayus and Negeri-Negeri Selat and later the Wilayah-Wilayah Borneo that coalesce to ultimately form the Federation of Malaysia? My point suddenly snapped Robin from his mental block induced by the political subversives infesting his ethno-cultural community. I cynically asked Robin perhaps the American’s singular Fourth of July date was the work of the UMNO people as well? I said: “Hey buddy, you better open DAP cawangans in the 37 other states and instigate their populace against this “unfair” date. Who knows, maybe UMNO had a hand in the selection of the Fourth of July date over 230 years ago?”

Our animated exchange was suddenly interrupted by the deafening sound of broken pottery, overturned chairs and tables, and a dull thud akin to a fallen sack of potatoes. Wau-lau-eh, Tyrone had slipped on the slimy floor and laid waste to three fresh, piping-hot bowls of Curry Mee he was ferrying to a bunch of rowdy men with walkie-talkies, probably car repossessors ubiquitous in the current economic malaise. The Leng Chais on the next table burst out laughing as a dazed, blushing Tyrone rearranged his splayed butt and picked up pieces of crockery amidst the splattered noodles, kerang, tauhu goreng, fishballs and taugeh oozing in the pool of curried slime. I couldn’t help sniggering myself at the ridiculousness of the scene, and commented to Robin on the subpar quality of recent pendatangs. Robin surprisingly roared back amidst the din, “Come on lah Bosz, you Melayus are also pendatangs what?” He added, “I read somewhere that you come from Sumatra and Java and all those little pulaus and curi this land from the Orang Aslis.”

Apa?

This guy has some kind of a deathwish or what? I’m still hungry, may miss my flight, and this old friend has just opened a Tong of Ulats that may trigger quite a few more broken bowls of Curry Mee plus tables, chairs and some faces.

But my anger turned to pity as I stare into Robin’s glazed eyes, and contemplated how far my old friend has been manipulated by the relentless DAP and PKR propagandists.

Time for more food.

I summoned a limping Tyrone and ordered additional refreshments. Bolstered by a fresh bowl of Curry Mee to complement Robin’s Char Kuay Tiau, I throttled a series of what I call logic modules into Robin’s mangled mind. I asked Robin, “If you perceive the Malays as fellow pendatangs, then why demand rights and concessions and giveaways from a group who are in the same 'boat' as you? Why should a fellow, albeit senior, 'pendatang' – who had fought hard to stake his claim on this land amidst a millenium of competing claims by regional rivals and global colonisers, and administer it via age old customs, laws, and social norms – give you anything?" Yeah why? What do you as a junior pendatang give in return?

Faham ka?

Folks, understand this point clearly. Your act of demanding all kinds of goodies from the Malays shows that you implicitly recognise the Malays as the owners of this territorial domain, this Negara, and its corresponding laws, rights, privileges, land and resources.

Betul ka? You can only minta from a tuanpunya. So your act of demanding a whole bunch of stuff from the Malays (freehold land titles, cultural freedom, linguistic rights) demonstrated your recognition, pengiktirafan, of the Melayus as the owners, the Tuan, of this land. Hanya tuanpunya boleh memberi kepada si peminta. How can one give something that one doesn’t own?

I told Robin that he cannot have it BOTH ways. If he wants the Malays to agree they are pendatangs as well, than he has no right or reason to demand anything from a fellow pendatang. So every pendatang for himself and herself now in the land of the pendatangs. BUT if Robin wants the Malays to give him stuff, then by implication he ackowledges Malay OWNERSHIP of whatever he is demanding, be it land, scholarships, cultural freedom, language rights, and so on. Betul ka?

Robin nodded in apparent agreement and dejectedly stared at his half-eaten Kuay Tiau. See folks, the single biggest strategic blunder the non-Malays can commit in their overall quest for relevancy in this land is to convince the Malays that they are fellow pendatangs, on the same tongkang as the various Chinese suku kaums, Tamils, Keralans, Punjabis and Bengalis. You see, the minds of pendatangs anywhere on earth are calibrated differently, guided by strong survivalist imperatives spawned by the ancestral displacement that permeates their soul for many generations. Pendatangs grab and hoard and grab and hoard whatever opportunities they could find. Their lives revolve around the search for jalans and lubangs and short-cuts that they can kao tim their way into to get at the largesse at the other end of the “transaction.” They don’t share with other pendatangs, even with members of the same tribe. And this trait is readily demonstrated time and again by our fellow countrymen still trapped in this pendatang mindset. Often, the only thing they’ll share with their neighbours is the unsolicited 3am loud barkings of dogs guarding their hoard or the spillover chaos and mayhem caused by their quest to grab and hoard more than their fair share of the economic and now political pie.

Look at the Bukit Antarabangsa landslide tragedy of December 2008. I was there on many occasions to assist loved ones. And you know what? Practically all of the hundreds of volunteers were Malay Muslims – with heroic efforts by groups such as Jamaah Islah Malaysia. Yes, this is the same JIM vilified by the debilitatingly ignorant Ooi Chuan Aun @ “Jeff Ooi.” You see, the bigotry of this fledgling politician blinded his ability to differentiate between Jamaah Islah Malaysia (JIM) and Jemaah Islamiah (JI), the purported regional militant group. This is the problem with chauvinists like Jeff Ooi. While spewing empty rhetoric on cultural diversity in a multi-religious, multi-linguistic and multi-everything neverland in their sporadic delusions of self-grandiosity, they themselves show little tolerance for anything different from their pathetic China-centric little beings.

The impressive display of Malay Muslim volunteerism was matched by the thousands of policemen, bomba, SMART team, tentera, MPAJ personnel and JKR workers who were also almost all Melayus and Borneo Bumiputras. Yeah, I saw PKR, PAS and UMNO members near ground zero, with PAS cadres the hardest working of the lot, often digging and removing debris with their bare hands. Tapi mana DAP? Mana MCA, MIC, Gerakan, PPP, IPF? Mana itu candlelight vigil junkies? Too rough and messy for you people? You "fight" for freedom and democracy only in clean, tiled squares with cute water fountains and blinking neon lights and within walking distance of your favourite boutique café where you dump your obese torsos and pig-out and gossip for four hours after demo-ing for one hour? And what the heck is this all about? Hey, I thought I've warned you MT Junkies about the hazards of Dewa-nisation? Weird bunch lah, people. And mana itu Hindraf "underdogs" in their bright orange t-shirts? In fact, the very week of the tragedy, Makkal Sakthi-shouting whackos of the Jaringan Rakyat Tertindas or Jerit caused an untimely distraction when their bicycle riding stunt ran smack into the police near Rawang. Precious law enforcement resources, including the Selangor police chief, had to be redeployed north to handle these rabble rousers who were further instigated by the usual provocateurs of course. Why can’t these people use their excess energy to good use? Why cause pandemonium and anarchy on the streets to the great inconvenience of law-abiding citizens when they could be helping out the victims of the landslide tragedy and then promote their cause at the same time? Ayoyo aney, go fight for the rights of your “Rakyat Tertindas” at ground zero lah, where the rakyat were not only tertindas, yang tertimbus pun ada.

I asked Robin isn’t this stark contrast a surprise? He didn’t have to answer. Indeed, the pendatang mentality precludes such acts of altruism, of giving and not expecting something back. Anyway, I had the opportunity to observe the serving of free meals near the disaster zone by local hotels. An Ah Pek and his family there shoved their way to the front of the queue and to everyone’s amazement, the father reprimanded the tudung clad volunteer worker that the hotel food was “too pedas” for his 10 year old son. Wau-lau-eh, I couldn’t just let this outrage of über arrogance and ungratefulness pass by and actually confronted this chap and told him that first of all he should be thankful that Malay Muslim complete strangers were prepared to risk their lives and leave their loved ones and their businesses and studies to serve him for free, and secondly if he or his spoiled brat of a son cannot “tahan pedas,” than he should take a hike and drive off in his tax-evasion underwritten, Ah Beng-pimped BMW E60 to the McD downhill and buy his own food. But no. After sniggering at KijangMas with a “solli ahh, gua tadak paham apa lu cakap” look, he turned around and threw choice Cantonese expletives into the air and proceeded to tapau eight bungkus of the hotel Nasi Goreng Ayam and as much mineral water bottles as his small troupe could angkot in their garbage bags! Remember the pendatang mindset I mentioned earlier? Yup, this is a full-fledged demonstration of that affliction. You know why the Melayus took the trouble to beri pertolongan to mangsas like you? Beyond their inherent cultural rasa belas kasihan and the kerja amal stressed by their Islamic faith? Yeah, because they are the Tuan Tanahs, the pribumis, the hospitable hosts bestowing kindness to the guests, the pendatangs.

Now, imagine if the Malays now believed they are pendatangs just like you, which typically comes with the package of greed, avarice and an inconsiderate disposition as manifested by the food-grabbing troupe above. Would the Malays be as charitable to you in such circumstances? Nope. It will be a case of every pendatang on his own. What do you think? You want that? You like that? Can or not?

Yes, once the Malays assumed the same pendatang (winner takes all, I won’t share, I don’t care about my neighbour) mentality, this country would be in ruins. Yup, the Malays and other Bumiputras would not only NOT give and share what’s already theirs (which is still a whole lot of rights and privileges and laws in this country), they would (like a typical pendatang) want what is NOT theirs as well, guided by the philosophy “May the Best Pendatang Win.” Imagine 68% of the Malaysian populace suddenly morphing into selfish resource-grabbers. I asked Robin, “Lu mau ini macam kah? Lu mau gua punya otak jadi macam lu kah? Tamak, angkuh dan tidak prihatin macam lu? Mau kah?” An undersiege Robin pleaded, “Haiya Bosz, I was only asking maaah. I was repeating what I heard in the Pakatan ceramahs, that’s all” And I replied, “Yeah, and I was only telling you. So you ask and I tell. We are even now.” Robin interjected, “So it’s a Win-Win lah friend?” to which I clarified, “Yes, I win and I win …” Not quite of supple mind to catch the oxymoronic teaser, Robin politely asked, “But Bosz, what about these Orang Asal? What are they? Where do they belong?”

O.k. folks, for the sake of argument, let’s assume we are ALL pendatangs, with the Orang Asli being the only pribumis on this land. Well, apparently the Malay pendatangs of the … well … “Malay Peninsular” (yeah, go concoct another Conspiracy Theory behind this ageless name) must have been eminently more successful than the other pendatangs, having tamed the wild equatorial forests and established major polities beginning from the early centuries AD, including Langkasuka (200-1400, centered in today’s captive Malay state of Patani and extending from the Kra Isthmus to Kedah and Kelantan); Ch’iht’u, sited in the upper Kelantan river basin in the 5th-8th centuries; Tambralinga (Nagara Sri Dharmaraja) of the 8th-13th centuries; Satingpra, the 6th-13th century precursor of the ancient Malay kingdom of Singgora (now corrupted as Songkhla under Thai misrule); not to mention the myriads of Malay civilisations of the lower peninsula, culminating in the Malacca Empire of the 15th and 16th centuries and ultimately the Malay Sultanates of modern Malaysia.

Yup, these Malay pendatangs went on to built ancient empires and forged regional alliances and spawned what became today’s Sultanates dotting the Nusantara that signed agreements in their capacity as undisputed owners of the lands with European Superpowers and regional empires for hundreds of years and engaged in regional military alliances and military campaigns throughout the vast domain, from Aceh to Ligor to Champa to Makasar to Maluku. Yup, these Malay pendatangs were so dominant that even the British colonisers were compelled to recognise them as the “natives,” the sons-of-the-soil, as the original inhabitants of this “Malay Peninsular,” as the Bumiputras.

You see, the very rational Malay pendatangs (although I chuckle at the thought of my Kelantanese-Patani countrymen with a 1,500-year history of documented nationhood on this tanah reduced to tongkang arrivals from Java or Madura or Lombok) have no reason, being the victorious “owners” of the land to go work as labourers for another band of pendatangs, the British.

As eloquently expounded by William A. Graham, the Thai-appointed Adviser to the Sultan of Kelantan in his seminal 1907 book, “Kelantan: A State of the Malay Peninsula”:-

True, the Malay will often decline to work in the particular manner in which the European desires him to do so, that is as a mining cooly or plantation hand in the service of the said European, but the Malay is by no means an idle person. In Kelantan he grows the seventy thousand odd tons of rice which feed the population, he catches and dries fish enough for home consumption and for considerable export, he makes some forty thousand pikuls of kopra every year, he works boats on the river, and, in fact, he makes a very comfortable living, supplies all his wants, and is contented. It is not probable that any European who condemns him would himself continue to work at a tin mine or rubber estate after he had made enough to satisfy all his wants and to be able to realise all his ideals in order merely to satisfy the demand of some stranger for labour.

A British naval officer, Sherard Osborn, compared the dignity of the Malays to the people of another British-conquered land in his 1857 book, “The Blockade of Kedah in 1838: A Midshipman's Exploits in Malayan Waters,” :-

Like spaniels, the natives of the whole sea-board of the Indian [subcontinent] lick the hand that chastises them; not so the Orang Melayu, and we Englishmen should be the first to honour a race who will not basely submit to abuse or tyranny.

See people, Tuan Tanahs are naturally not amenable to become submissive labourers, the coolies, for some strange peachfuzz-faced pendatang bent on pillaging his Tanah Tumpah Darah. Tuan Tanahs just don’t do that. Yes, the British couldn’t get the “cooperation” (or shall we say, couldn’t enslave) the Orang Melayu. Hence, they had to import more malleable groups to do the grunt work of their wholesale looting of Tanah Melayu, yes the very ancestors of the Zuriat Pendatang politicians today who shout that the Malays are as much a pendatang as them.

Thus arrived the Pendatang Mark II, new and improved, hungrier, more rugged, versatile, compliant and amenable to abuse and oppression of the White Capitalist. For the ethnic-Chinese pendatangs, they escaped from the centuries of ruthless oppression by a foreign coloniser, the Manchus. By the end of the 19th century, the immigration door was rapidly closing worldwide for these impoverished Sin Khehs, including the U.S. with its draconian Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882 which imposed a blanket ban on Chinese immigration and made life difficult for ethnic-Chinese already in that country; Canada, with the Chinese Immigration Acts of 1885 and 1923, which banned Chinese immigration entirely; and Australia's Immigration Restriction Act of 1901, which formed the basis of the White Australia Policy that ended only in 1973. Of course, old Siam and the Dutch East Indies were not much better as the fierce pribumi mobs in those lands devoured, repressed and assimilate the incoming immigrants almost with impunity. Hence, Malaya, the land of the hospitable Malay Tuan Tanahs (except the gedébé parang wielding Oghé Kelaté, of course) became a safe haven, a veritable last chance sanctuary for these wretched masses, the grand depository for all the wandering returned-to-sender coolie-laden tongkangs out of Kwangtung and Fukien. The same story for the Tamils and Keralans. They were nothing more than economic migrants squeezed out of their homeland by abject poverty and crippling caste-based prejudices who found a niche in Malaya's labour-hungry plantations.

I told Robin that we should not be misled by manmade political boundaries and obsessed with coloured maps in schoolbooks. The Malay Stock, in their various ethnic-groups and suku kaums, have been traversing all points of the Malay Archipelago since the beginning of recorded history and are a fungible populace seamlessly linked by shared histories, cultural essence and a common, pervasive lingua franca, Bahasa Melayu. A Patani Malay and a Bugis from Makassar and an Acehnese as well as a Sulu native would have little trouble conversing and sharing complex ideas in their common Malay lingua franca. I told Robin that in the holistic context, the natives of the Nusantara nations are pribumis throughout the archipelago, in their own nation as well as in the adjacent polities, where present-day political boundaries are nothing more than the invention of European colonisers. Hence, to dismiss a son of Javanese settlers such as Khir Toyo as just another pendatang is to show an abject ignorance of Nusantaran socio-cultural history, where the pribumis of these lands have moved back and forth in this vast seamless common domain in concert with the rise and ebb of dynamic political and economic tides since time immemorial. Indeed, a variant of this phenomenon can be seen in contemporary Germany. Under the German Right of Return law as codified in Article 116 of German Basic Law, ethnic-Germans living in Eastern Europe (the so-called Aussiedler) can move to Germany and acquire German citizenship even if their families have not been in any German historical territory for generations. They are perceived as rightfully belonging to the German nation even as third-generation German born and bred “pendatang” Turks and transient gypsies and other non-Germanic peoples struggle for acceptance by the German populace. Same with the Jews and their Western-concocted "homeland." Under Article 1 of the Israeli Law of Return, every Jew on earth has the right to go to that country as an “oleh” or Jewish Immigrant and automatically be given Israeli citizenship. Of course, I'm not proposing automatic citizenship to every Buluh Runcing-carrying Indonesian pribumi who set foot on this land but the Malay-hating politicians in our midst must appreciate the region's socio-cultural history before making fools of themselves on the pulpit.

I told Robin that the Japanese are pendatangs from the Asian mainland and crowded out the indigenous Ainu. The Han Chinese themselves are pendatangs in much of China, having terrorised and supplanted the hundreds of indigenous groups beyond their ancestral Yellow River basin, including the Miao, Bai, Dai, Dong, Uygur, Kazkh, Kirghiz, Lahu, Lisu, Naxi and Zhuang. The persistent violent social upheavals in Tibet and East Turkestan (Xinjiang) are livid examples of this pendatang-isation process, where the Han Chinese pendatangs methodically usurped the power and influence and socio-cultural and demographic essence of these vast once proud conquered nations. Even today, the Han Chinese predominate in hardly half of China's land area, although they make up 92% of China's population. Of course, in Taiwan, these Han Chinese pendatangs decimated the indigenous Formosan people, the progenitors of the Austronesian language group, of which Malay is but one of hundreds of related tongues from Madagascar to Rapa Nui (Easter Island), spanning 60% of the earth’s circumference. And the Tamils and other Dravidians were pendatangs to Southern India, having swarmed the aboriginal Veddoid peoples there.

And don’t let me get started with the English.

I asked a pronouncedly blurred Robin, “You think Eng-Land was the land of the English since time immemorial? And who were there first, the English in England or the Malays in Tanah Melayu?”

You see, the present day “British” Isles was populated by Celts (forefathers of today’s British equivalent of the Orang Asli – the Welsh, Gaelic Scots and Irish) a thousand years before the Roman invasion and the much later appearance of the Norsemen, Anglo-Saxons and Normans who arrived on British shores via their glorified tongkangs at a time when the Malay polities of the upper peninsula – Langkasuka, Satingphra, Tambralinga and Raktamrttika/Ch'ih-t'u (present-day Greater Patani, Singgora, Ligor and Kelantan respectively) – were already at their zenith. These newcomers commingled their genes, culture and, of course, languages to concoct a hybridized people known today as the “English.” Robin couldn’t help but gawk at this revelation and blurted out, “Haiya Bosz, those English yobs who gave me a hard time at Heathrow’s immigration counter are also pendatangs ka?” I said, “Yeah buddy, next time tell these fellow pendatangs to let you into London with ease to join them in crowding out the poor Celts from the last vestiges of their homeland. And I want to hear some noise from recent pendatangs there that the English are pendatangs as well in England like what your brethrens are doing to the Melayus in Tanah Melayu.” I don’t think the Englishmen’s reaction would be as restrained as the budibahasa-overloaded and tatatertib-crippled Melayus.

Of course, if we go back far enough in human anthropology, we are ALL pendatangs one way or another in most places of this earth. The Orang Asli themselves were the residual biological vestige of successive migratory peoples – the many waves of pendatangs – who journeyed from Eastern Africa to Southern India on their way to populate Papua and Australia and adjacent islands beginning 70,000 years ago. The Amerindians and other “natives” of the Americas did likewise via the exposed Bering Land Bridge towards the end of the last Ice Age, and there exist the possibility that Polynesians and other Orang Lauts of the eastern extreme of the Nusantara may have landed in the Pacific Coast of South America via Rapa Nui (already 90% of the journey), just as they had landed and formed civilisations in Madagascar off Eastern Africa almost two millenia ago, where till this day, the Malay Stock lighter-skinned Merina people form the ruling elite of Malagasy society, as exemplified by the competing presidential claimants.

Robin asked an excellent question, “Bosz, what’s the cut-off point? When does a pendatang become a pribumi?”

Yeah, when this metamorphosis take place?

Proof of length of residency, even if the tribe did nothing for 40,000 yrs? Proof of “civilisation”? Proof of “statehood”? Proof of socio-political organisation beyond concentric tree houses and tribal councils huddled around campfires?

“Yeah Bosz, what?” Robin asked as he slurped the last of his Kuay Tiau in typical … errr … mad-rush pendatang style.

Well, how about recognition by third parties? By other regional polities? By foreign powers?

I asked Robin if he had seen any record of an Orang Asli delegation to the Ming Dynasty court in the 15th century? Perhaps the anti-Malay historio-revisionists should start work on that project. And to find evidence of a Senoi-China trade pact or a Semang Tok Batin letter of friendship with Alfonso d'Albuquerque. Or perhaps this time to re-spin Hang Tuah as a Negrito and Jebat a Jakun? Couldn’t be that hard, certainly more plausible than the Chinese Hang Tuah fairytale. Yeah, any Orang Asli polity that was part of the Srivijayan thalassocracy? Or “claimed” by either Langkasuka or Sukhothai? By Majapahit or Ayutthaya? Any political, military or economic treaties between the Portuguese, Dutch, Spanish, French or British with an Orang Asli nation on the peninsula or anywhere in the Nusantara? To anti-Malay opportunists out there, want to spin some more?

Robin asked, “O.k., how then do you define a pribumi, a native, if you’re neither an “Orang Asal” nor a pendatang just off the tongkang?”

I told Robin that my definition of a Bumiputra is the group that first set up a recognisable polity on the land and historically ruled other peoples of that land, including the aboriginals, the Orang Asli. Since the dawn of Malay history, the Aslian groups are an integral subset, the ruled, under the Malay ruling class. Hence, the KEY determinant of ownership is not so much who arrived first, but who did what first, i.e., who formed the embryonic entities that were recognised by regional historiographies of that era. Same logic applies between the Japanese "Bumiputras" and their Ainu Orang Aslis. In their universe, ethnic-Korean immigrants are the pendatangs, and aren't fully embraced by the mainstream even after many generations of assimilation.

Based on this premise, to call the Orang Melayu a fellow pandatang on par with more recent tongkang arrivals from China and India is not only an indication of utter ignorance borne of a subpar education but is also a mischievious attempt to bring this country’s historical facts into disrepute.

Bludgeoned by my tutorial, Robin naughtily asked, “So Bosz, between myself and this Tyrone here, what’s the difference? When can we become you?”

I told Robin that he himself, and for that matter the likes of Tyrone as well, hold the key to the issue. And collectively his society will determine their ultimate place under the Malaysian sun. The key lies in their own self-image, what they ultimately want to be on this land. To steadfastly cling to and perpetuate their mimicry of the lingua-cultural essence of a distant, faraway ancestral land OR to play their role in the forging of a true, sustainable Anak Bangsa Malaysia as exhaustively expounded in my post here?

Don’t blame the Malays, the majority, the founder of the original polities dotting this land -- just as migrants to Japan, Germany, Britain or France do not blame the respective “Bumiputras” there -- if the Malays do not accept you as a fellow full-fledged citizen of this land called Malaysia UNTIL and UNLESS you assume certain fundamental affinities to the dominant group, namely language competency and awareness and respect of the prevailing Malay-Bumiputra socio-cultural norms beyond your little enclaves. You can be here for ten or more generations, but if you and your descendants insist on exhibiting foreign lingua-cultural traits on this land, you will still be deemed as an “Orang Asing” in perpetuity, and would probably be “overtaken” by Tyrone’s progenies in the Malaysian socio-constitutional pecking order by the next generation.

After much prompting, Tyrone got us the bill and handed it to ……. yup, Robin. I asked this neo-pendatang, “Apasal engkau kasi itu bil sama ini Ah Pek?” Tyrone gave the look that said: ”Isn’t that the way, you pompous ignoramous?” Now, that’s a snapshot of Malaysiana right there, courtesy of this unwashed pendatang. I told Robin, “See my friend, even Tyrone knows YOU are the bodek-ful seeking-something Pendatang, and I’m the can-give-something Tuan Tanah, where YOU must belanja me almost as a matter of social norm.” Robin let out a hearty laugh, agreeing to one of the peculiarities of Malaysian society: that the Ah Pek always gets the bill, be it in slimy kopitiams or the Mandarin Oriental, KLCC.

I grabbed the bill from a bemused Tyrone and gave him some crisp red First Agongs and didn’t bother to await the couple of ringgits in change, thinking Tyrone at least deserved a tip for his comedic presence that night. As we parted ways, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the Robins of this world, the generation of Warganegara Malaysia that have become thoroughly alienised in their own land, a bitter social group that are unwitting impediments to true nation-building and the formation of a cohesive Bangsa Malaysia based on a proud common Bahasa Malaysia tongue underpinned by shared values driven by a predominantly Malay cultural essence and sense of shared destiny. As I board my late night “shut-eye” flight to KB, I told myself that at least I’m returning to a foretaste of that utopia in Kelantan, my own beloved ancestral domain of linguistic and cultural cohesion, deep-rooted pride of identity, excellent cuisine, rich history and, of course, the incomparable exquisite damsels.

You really a MALAYSIAN ka?

2009-08-30T23:53:00.002+08:00

Drop whatever you're doing, stand up at attention, put your right hand on your heart, and sing OUT LOUD your Negara's national anthem.

Then pledge OUT LOUD the five tenets of your Negara's Rukunegara.

If you did both well, give yourself a good pat on the back. But if you could hardly sing along the Negaraku with neither the ability to pronounce the sacred lyrics nor actually comprehend their meaning or lost for words in your pathetic attempt to lafaz the Rukunegara, give yourself a good tight slap ..... on BOTH cheeks and stop pretending that you are a Malaysian ..... because in my book you are not.

For the rest of us Malaysians, go here and show your worthiness as a Rakyat Malaysia by giving your heartful support to One School for All .................... SATU SEKOLAH UNTUK SEMUA, the fundamental bedrock in the creation of a cohesive Anak Bangsa Malaysia.

Misfiring MU, Masalam Mystery and Manic Manek plus Malevolent Mullahs, Mesmerising Michael and Maltreated Maids

2009-07-23T23:45:00.005+08:00

Please click here to go to the latest post.

Misfiring MU, Masalam Mystery and Manic Manek plus Malevolent Mullahs, Mesmerising Michael and Maltreated Maids

2009-07-23T22:03:00.008+08:00

My three-week semi-sabbatical took me on a slow journey up our beautiful East Coast to my ancestral domain of Kelantan and some points beyond.

Nowhere to go and having all day to get there.

A slow drive on a coastal trail less travelled, near Tanjong Jara.

Dungun river estuary.
Stunning and reasonably pristine.

Soul-soothing sojourn.
Cruising off the beaten track on Trengganu's central coast on a lazy afternoon.

Padi fields as far as the eye can see.
Along a country road between Pasir Puteh and Bachok in the Kelantan heartland.

A lot of things happened in our country and beyond during those three-weeks. I will touch on six of those in this extended post. KijangMas will talk about football, a mysterious death, Kelantan politics, Nik Aziz, maid abuse .... and as if those are not enough .... Michael Jackson as well.

Now, reschedule your appointment, go get a good cuppa coffee, open your mind and later share your thoughts with fellow members of the DN Community.

Misfiring MU

The Malaysian selection (Under-23 players plus four overaged guys) put on a decent performance against a slightly ruffled Manchester United squad on Saturday. This team of young, mostly unknowns made the millionaire stars of MU work hard to carve up a 3-2 win in front of a near capacity crowd at the 100,000-seat National Stadium.

Yeah sure, this is still early preseason for MU; their players were not fully match fit and jet-lagged; the heat and humidity were too much; and most of the stars were on third gear and avoided unnecessary injuries in a meaningless game. But MU is a professional outfit, a veritable sporting institution. Nothing less than superlatives are expected of them and people pay good money to watch the team perform.

The Malaysian selection could have hung on to the 2-2 scoreline if coach K. Rajagopal had not made wholesale changes to the line-up in the final quarter hour, which effectively unraveled the team's balance and cohesion. Haiya coach, stick to your best eleven lah, with only 2-3 strategic substitutes. You cannot field fringe players (in a squad already of second stringers) against MU and expect to prevail.

Why Under-23 team for such a glamour tie? Well, the football competition in the upcoming Laos SEA Games has a FIFA-imposed Under-23 age limit, and FAM used this occasion as match practice for the SEA Games squad. But if you ask me, we should have fielded our full international (FIFA Class A) squad against Rooney, Berbatov, Scholes, Giggs, Owen and associates. Give them the best we've got lah.

Nevertheless, my praises to the Malaysian selection, especially to Amri Yahyah (one of the overaged players) for his two opportunist goals. Not many have scored two against the Red Devils in a single game under any circumstances.

The two teams had a hastily arranged (due to MU's bombing-scuttled trip to Jakarta) and tame rematch on Monday evening, where a reserve-laden United prevailed 2-0 thanks to two early goals. But that's academic.

The future of Malaysian football?

Sorry folks, still bleak.

The reason?

It's multifaceted. Suffice to say that they are spawned mostly from FAM's administrative incompetence, with league format changes almost an annual affair, and the body's inability to grasp the game's commercial dynamics and external challenges.

Masalam Mystery

PM Najib yesterday announced the formation of two investigative bodies to get to the bottom of the mysterious death of Teoh Beng Hock near Selangor MACC's headquarters at Plaza Masalam, Shah Alam. An inquest headed by a magistrate will investigate Teoh's cause of death while a Royal Commission of Inquiry (RCI) will study MACC's interrogation methods.

Now, please allow the people conducting the inquest and the RCI to do their jobs. My message to the Pakatan politicians, go back to administering the states that was entrusted to you people in PRU12. Enough politicking, curtail your parasitic, opportunist inclinations. Manage the crumbling economic and social affairs of the five states under your care.

Now, these are the facts:-

- Teoh Beng Hock, the young political secretary to Ean Yong Hian Wah, Selangor's exco for new village development and resettlement of illegal factories, was called in as a witness in MACC's investigation of alleged misuse of allocations by several Selangor state assemblymen.

- He was last seen in the MACC pantry at 6am on Thursday (16/7) by Tan Boon Wah, the Kajang municipal councillor who was also questioned by MACC in relation to the same case.

- Tan was quoted as saying, “He looked tired, but he didn’t say anything to me."

- Teoh was found dead on the roof of Plaza Masalam's 5th floor podium over seven hours later at 1.30pm.

These are additional details forwarded by MACC:-

- According to its director of investigation, Mohd. Shukri Abdull, Teoh was brought in for questioning after MACC raided Ean Yong’s office at the State Secretariat building at 4pm on Wednesday (15/7).

- Teoh arrived at MACC's office, 14th floor, Plaza Masalam at 5pm. He was interrogated until 3.45am early Thursday (16/7) morning .

- He was asked to return the next day with relevant documentation to assist the investigation.

- He was then "released" and free to go.

- Teoh told MACC officers that he was tired and wanted to rest in MACC's premises.

- Tan Boon Wah's sighting of Teoh at 6.00am in MACC's pantry corraborated the story, at least until that time.

- MACC chief commissioner Ahmad Said Hamdan said Teoh was no longer in their custody when he was found dead at 1.30pm on Thursday.

- Ahmad Said was quoted as saying, "Teoh was let off after questioning. We do not know where he went after that.”

The police had these to say:-

- Selangor police chief, Deputy Comm. Khalid Abu Bakar, said police recorded statements from 33 individuals. The NST said these include 25 MACC officers. The Star said eight of the 33 are MACC officers. (Siapa betul? Take notes and count properly lah).

- He said Ean Yong and lawyer M.Manoharan had been summoned to give their statements. Apparently, Teoh had contacted Ean Yong and Manoharan prior to his questioning.

- Tan Boon Wah, the interrogatee who saw Teoh alive at 6am, lodged a police report against MACC on Saturday (18/7).

- According to Khalid, police acted on Tan’s report but astonishingly Tan refused to give his statement pertaining to his report.

- Khalid said Tan would be compelled to give his statement to the police. According to The Star, he would be summoned under Section 111 of the Criminal Procedure Code. The NST reported that he would be served a notice under Section 11 of the Penal Code. (Again, mana satu?).

- Tan would be charged for making a false report if he further refuses to cooperate.

- Tan finally gave his statement at the Selangor police headquarters at 9pm Monday (20/7). Tan now denies he was uncooperative, claiming he was in Johor during the weekend, attended Teoh's funeral in Malacca, and then went to the Shah Alam police headquarters at 9pm where he remained until 12.30am.

- Police would also question two other MACC interrogatees who were with Teoh and Tan.

- As for the time of Teoh's death, Khalid was quoted as saying: “If we follow the initial report of the doctor about four to five hours before the body was found.”

- CCTV footage showed Teoh entering the building on Wednesday (15/7). No recording of him leaving.

- Police has custody of Teoh’s Sony Ericsson P1 mobile phone, wallet and backpack, all obtained on Thursday (16/7) from MACC investigation officers.

- Bernama quoted Khalid as saying: "We wanted to trace the calls made by the deceased before he was brought into MACC custody and the short messaging service (SMS) notes received before he was found dead."

- Parts of a window from the 14th floor were found on the fifth floor where Teoh’s body was found.

- According to the NST, police “… also checked the window of the interrogation room on the 14th floor from which Teoh was believed to have fallen. They also took the window latch.”(Italics added).

- The Star reported Khalid as saying police are also investigating underworld links to this case.

DAP appointee, Tan Boon Wah, investigated for supplying flags paid by tax-payer's money to the office of fellow DAP cadre and state assemblyman Ean Yong Hian Wah for a mesra rakyat event on August 29 last year, filed a lawsuit at the KL High Court against MACC yesterday (22/7) for false imprisonment. Tan claimed he was made to stand “like a soldier” and stare at a point 200 meters away and was shouted at if he moved his head. Tan complained about being called Cina Bodoh by the interrogators.

Anything else?

What can we imply and hypothesise from these raw facts and recollections?

Not much and too much. The conspiracy theorists would be going berzerk with their giddy speculative conjectures based on different permutations of these raw info, and of course further skewed by their political inclinations.

What we all want to know:-

From what angle was Teoh a MACC "witness"?

- Idealist turned whistleblower?

- Perpetrator being "strong-armed" to become prosecution witness?

- Reluctant know-all political secretary with "keys" to the state assemblymen's cans of worms?

- Unfortunate inconsequential pawn in a battle involving the underworld?

How did Teoh die?

- Yeah, the fall-induced trauma would be obvious, but what about the "means": suicide or homicide?

When?

- What time between the 6.00am sighting and 1.30pm discovery? Based on the preliminary pathologist report of Teoh being dead 4-5 hours prior to the body's discovery, then his death must be around 9am.

- Did his boss, Ean Yong Hian Wah, and other DAP politicians actively attempted to locate Teoh from the wee hours of the morning upon his release until the time of his body's discovery?

- Why was his body "discovered" only at 1.30pm?

- No one actually peeked out their office window (and saw the body) from morning well into lunchtime?

- And once the body was "discovered," many clear pics taken from their windows above were posted in blogs by office workers. If it was there earlier (between 6am and 1.30pm), no one saw it from their office windows?

Where did he died?

- We are sure he died at the spot where he was found?

- Let's not get gory here, but the impact point of a human's nine-storey fall on concrete is a heck of a mess.

- Even the "thud" could be sickeningly deafening.

- Nobody heard or noticed anything? Wouldn't that building be teeming with people at the 9am purported time of fall?

- And as mentioned, no one saw the body from their office window from early morning until the 1.30pm "discovery"?

Why? Yes, the motive?

Now, let's assume it is not suicide, who would want to kill Teoh?

MACC?

- So these people killed their potential whistle blower and star witness and then had to diligently rebuild their case again?

- And assuming they did it, these people were too dumb to concoct a believable story out of their alleged misdeeds, like simulating a proper "suicide" with staged commotion, suicide note and all the trimmings of a terjun bangunan bunuh diri scenario?

- And why do it there, at their own premises? Objectively, make sense ka?

- And why left the body there for 4-5 hours?

- But if reports that Teoh jumped/fell/pushed from the window of MACC's interrogation room are true, then this case could be exponentially more complicated.

- What about Teoh's mobile phone, wallet and backpack? Why were they in the possession of MACC officers? Of course, this just lead to more conjectures: Were these items in MACC's possession all these while (hence, potentially debunking MACC's "released at 3.45am" story) or were picked-up later, either in the pantry, sofa or near a 14th floor window after Teoh jumped/fell/pushed from the 14th floor?

- Whatever it is, it is clear that Teoh jumped/fell/pushed from the 14th floor without his mobile phone and wallet in his pockets. Interesting ...

UMNO/BN?

- Why UMNO? How could these people gain from Teoh's death? How?

- Look, Teoh is potentially UMNO/BN's trumpcard, another Saiful Bukhari, if the MACC case against the DAP assemblymen goes to trial.

Who else?

Najib? Rosmah?

- Listen up Brother Anwar, Guan Eng, Unker Kit and gang, don't blame everything on these lovebirds lah. Mana boleh semua hal buruk dalam ini negara dia olang yang bikin?

- TNS, lu punya erectile dysfunction pun salah JibRos ka?

- Yeah, blame global warming and world hunger and MJ's death on them too. Happy now?

Let's refine the question: Who would stand to gain if Teoh is dead?

- What was Teoh's role again? Key "witness," meaning he may testify on the prosecution's behalf?

- Ok, tell me who would not like to hear testimonies from this potential prosecution witness? MACC? They are the prosecutors lah dey. Teoh will be on their side.

Why the silence?

Let me help. How about those who would be implicated by the testimony? I don't know who, but at least now we have a semblance of something called a motive. Betul ka?

Where do we go from here?

Yeah, any leads?

Potential leads:-

- Teoh's mobile phone records.

- Cross-referencing of MACC officers' and relevant Selangor state assemblymen's phone records with Teoh's.

- Who else spoke to Teoh on his mobile?

- CCTV footage, where available.

- Witnesses accounts, and these include MACC officers, Plaza Masalam security guards, cleaners, adjacent office workers, Tan Boon Wah, and two other unnamed interrogatees. Home minister Hishammuddin Hussein said 40 more people would be questioned.

- Teoh's laptop and office PC.

- Teoh's family and friends.

What about Ean Yong Hian Wah? Yeah, any leads behind those bespectacled beady eyes? He is Selangor exco in charge of what again? Ah yes, he oversees new village development and resettlement of illegal factories. How many illegal, unlicensed factories in Selangor? What's at stake here? Any linkages to the ongoing MACC investigation?

I also think this Tan Boon Wah fellow may be able to shed some light. For starters, why was he loitering around MACC's pantry at 6am where he claimed to have seen Teoh? I thought he just filed a lawsuit for false imprisonment? What kind of "imprisonment" is this, shuffling around the office coffee machine and fridge? Based on his yardstick, every mamat who was subject to police or MACC interrogation can also claim "false imprisonment" lah! And there are no soft sofas and well-stocked pantries and airconditioned, carpeted rooms in the balais and lock-ups. At this rate, we'll have tens of thousands of lawsuits in the High Court from all kinds of petty suspects and witnesses. Or this yardstick is special only to the DAP untouchables? Actually, these anak manjas are getting too pampered lah. Tak boleh di tegur; tak boleh di jentik. Haiyah Ah Wah, do you know how the LAPD interrogate people? What about the Thai cops? And try imagining the methods used by police in the land you worship, China?

Yes, Tan Boon Wah can answer many questions as he was there. But he seemed elusive, eager only to politicise his own flag scam scandal with a lawsuit against the investigators.

What about this guy?

Ronnie Liu

Can he shed some light as somehow all these scandals and alleged wrongdoings seem to revolve around him? Do you think old comrade Wee Choo Keong's accusations have some truth? Yeah, otherwise Ronnie and Ms. Kok would not have melenting tak tentu arah. Betulkah? I don't know. And PKR's Azmin Ali seemed anxious these days to reshuffle excos and his own political deck of cards. Why? Min, I know you are UMNO through-and-through. Why still want to layan these subversives?

Ok, what else?

Oh yeah, why this tasteless political leveraging of Teoh's untimely death by the DAP and PKR people? Give this young man the due respect lah people. Mana boleh semua hal lu olang mau jadi modal politik? Betul ka? Tiada adat dan budaya ka? Kalau nak alih pandangan rakyat, guna lah isu-isu lain. Kalau tiada isu, ubahlah sikap. Susah sangat ka mau jadi orang baik?

Yes, the action of the DAP and PKR leaders and their racist goons boggles the mind.

Racist?

Yes, these subversives are nothing more than racist scums, blatantly playing the racial card (e.g., "... the Chinese and Indians are the only ones persecuted ...") whenever their kind are busted by the law enforcement agencies. See this report by the Pakatan propaganda arm. See how the Pakatan leadership use Teoh's death to the hilt to attack UMNO/BN, Najib, MACC, the police, ... even Malay language newpapers.

And when certain media and the government react to the blatant racism, the hardcore racist, yup, the Homo überbigotedsapien himself, Lim Kit Siang, turned it around and said: "... it was Umno’s publications which have turned the death into a racial issue." Ahh? We are now in the siapa start dulu game kah? Ok, lets play that game. Look at the comments in the Pakatan bankrolled guttermedia and the subversive blogs from the day Teoh's death became news. Read the thick, gooey racist barkings by these self-alienising Malaysians. See the unbridled hatred? Marvel at the irrational logic loop and self-validating conjectures? MCA's Ong Tee Keat aptly called them "self-fulfilling lies."

But in the twisted minds of these scums, they are angelic, virginal beings, holy cherubs who can do no wrong, never hurt a fly, law abiding, never indulge in the vices, .......... and hence beyond criticism, beyond reproach as they sail through life as certified, pre-approved occupants of their various syurgas in the afterlife.

Podaah!

These scums are not only racists to their rotten core; they are pathological law breakers and social misfits, not just in Malaysia, but in every habitable corner of the planet. Go travel the world -- starting inside the plane itself and the passport queue -- and you'll understand. Yup, even the darn penguins would be victimised by these parasites if Antarctica was not so darn cold!

The unprincipled opportunists who used poor Teoh's death for their unbridled political ambition include the DAP puppet supreme, Tunku Aziz, and the overambitious Anwarista-in-PAS-clothing recently rejected by his own party, Husam Musa. Yup, these pengkhianat bangsas have the audacity to share the stage with the anti-Malay DAP subversives in an orgy of self-glorification and racist incitement (crudely shrouded as "anti-UMNO/BN" of course) at the expense of a young man's tragic death. See how timely and convenient the "Teoh case" has become to these scums as they deflect the rakyat's attention from their governance incompetence, scandals and internal conflicts? These social toxic wastes make me sick!

Opportunists' Handywork

Hijacking a young man's death to prop a sinking ship. But in spite of all the self-serving hoopla, only a couple-thousand turned up, with over 80% from one ethnic group. Mana itu Malaysian Malaysia ah?

And look at the comments by the Pakatan racist zealots in this piece by the same guttermedia. See how their little minds work, blaming Teoh's death and every malady in this country on UMNO, Najib, and everyone else except themselves without an iota of logic or evidence. These people convinced themselves without a shadow of a doubt that Teoh was murdered by parties ultimately controlled by or related to UMNO.

Proof?

What proof?

Haiya, these anti-Malays don't need inconveniences such as truth and evidence. That's just too much work lah. The "proof" is in their finger pointing. When enough of these goons repeat the same thing, that will be the "truth." Remember Altantunya? What was the evidence again supporting the Pakatan "truth" in that case? Oh I forgot, the chief "evidence" manufacturer absconded and forfeited his day in court. And of course, these mini-Goebbels tried the same stunt with Manohara, but her momma was so rotten with daily revelations of her evil past that these goons couldn't latch-on to the conniving free-loaders without contaminating themselves. Too bad. Collectively, they would have been the perfect band of bandits. And along came a convenient case to ride on; Teoh's death is now parasitically sucked to the hilt as a rallying point to resurrect the crumbling political edifice of the subversives.

Yes, the Culture of Blame among these people is astonishing. You think leaders and followers like these are fit to govern and lead this country? No way. See how one little Penang Buah Pala is being mishandled? Imagine a few dozen Buah Palas and other Buahs at federal level? Habislah Malaysia.

KijangMas is as curious as anyone else about this unfortunate incident. Right now I obviously don't have the answer. Possibilities lead to more conjectures. A purportedly idealistic young man on the eve of marrying his two-month pregnant fiancee was found dead near the premises of the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission nine hours after reportedly released from a marathon interrogation session. Those are the facts. Now, how do we reconcile the various politically-tinged conjectures with the truth?

Yes, the truth is what we seek.

Manic Manek

UMNO cut PAS' majority from 1,352 in PRU12 to just 65. Now, that's a swing of 1,287 votes in 16 months. PAS squeaked through by less than one percent of votes cast, in fact, less than the 117 undi rosak that could have gone either way. A mere 33 votes out of the 65 would have swung it to UMNO's favour. Of course, PAS and Pakatan leaders put on a brave face to this statistical deadheat, with Brother Anwar proclaiming "a win is a win." But politics is all about trend and momentum and trajectory of political sentiment.

I spent over two weeks traversing Kelantan, my ancestral domain, and stayed there right until after polling day. I travelled to all corners of this Malay heartland, stopping by at the ubiquitous coffee shops, fruit stands and wakafs, and mingled seamlessly with the common folk in palm fringed beachside kampungs.

The undercurrents of discontent among the Oghé Kelaté are getting palpable. The zealotrous support for PAS so common these past two decades has died down. Some suggest that we are now in the gap period before the next PRU, a time where partisanship is less profound.

No.

Politics is a way of life among the Kelantanese, where a fierce independence streak makes us naturally opinionated. And we are great conversationists as well. The bbua politik in the ubiquitous keda kopi, social functions and family gatherings is a cultural trait, perfected to almost an artform.

The less than enthusiastic support for PAS is an indication of the shifting sands of public opinion. As for UMNO, I can see a more receptive stance towards the party by the Oghé Kelaté. But it's long ways yet. Not many have gone around town with UMNO/BN flags and stickers on their cars, trucks and kapchais, unlike the PAS faithfuls. Not yet.

But the tide is definitely turning.

Why?

How far can you go with ceramahs after ceramahs after ceramahs on the same issues day after day after day? Yeah, drive around KB and the major towns after Isyak and you are bound to come across a PAS ceramah circus, ..... yes, a circus, with makeshift food stalls and restless kids scurrying around as the transient audience listen intently to the political rhetoric touching on current issues, many eagerly anticipating the comedic punchlines, the subtle sarcasm delivered in the idiom-rich Kelantanese dialect. You see, Kelantanese is the perfect dialect for penceramahs. Its formidable repertoire of tonal-based expressions tinged with subtleties of sounds, nasal nuances and wickedly delicious double-entendres -- perfected over centuries of dramatic story-telling via the wayang kulit, makyong and folk theatres -- would mesmerise the audience. Hey, a good ceramah is the ultimate Reality TV, with real life public figures shouting themselves hoarse amidst a boisterous, interactive audience with their spontaneous roar spiced with the occasional good-natured heckling.

I attended my fair share, often for the sheer entertainment. In PAS ceramahs, I would also notice a core, familiar group of loyal followers. Yup, these ceramah groupies would faithfully attend ceramahs just like obsessed fans follow Michael Jackson concerts. We'll get to MJ later, I promise.

My KB neighbour, Ayee, recently said:-
"Abé, kawé muok nok mutoh doh denga pok-pok PAH (that's PAS in Baso Kelaté) nih dôk ceghamoh. Guano nih, dôk ceghamoh sokmo? Kécék hok bendo tulo. Siyé malé, pagi peté, senak ceghok. Kalu dôk ceghamoh sokmo gak wéii, lagu mano nok tadbir negeghi kito? Sapoh betambông, dôk pakak tôhôk ikôk dé. Haghak ko naté kambéng maké. Kalu kulék pisé buleh lah maké. Kulék deghiéé nga plastik tok ké nyo buleh mamoh? Rupuk tepi jalé depé rumoh kito pông tok ghajéng kerak."

I interjected:-
"Dôk haghak kambeng maké jugok ko?"

Ayee resignedly replied:-
"Doh kalu gituh, biar naté kambeng la jadi exco, bia mamoh habih pépa-pépa mesyorat nga keghosi méjo. Opéh pông jaghé masôk pok-pok nih. Biar kito bui ko naté kambeng. Ko guano?"

Wow, that's profound, coming from a livelong PAS voter. BTW, if you can't understand the Germanic vernacular above, too bad. Go befriend a Kelantanese near you to assist in deciphering.

Yeah, apart from garbage and goats, larger issues plague PAS today. And Kelantan is ground zero of this PAS ailment. The party's unholy alliance with DAP and PKR at the expense of Malay Muslim interests is discomforting to many Kelantanese.

What is wrong with this picture?

The large and economically active Kelantanese diaspora on the West Coast are experiencing and witnessing first hand the political turmoil in their adopted states of Selangor, Perak and Penang plus KL of course. To many, the sight of kurang ajar non-Malays naik toncang in the federal parliament and the various West Coast state assemblies, including insulting His Highnesses the Agong and brother Sultans and, without proper adat and tatatertib, outrageously questioning every conceivable tenet of the Constitution, is just too much. Many of these out-of-state Kelantanese are now actively enlightening their brethrens during trips back home, especially on PAS' role in this gross erosion of Malay political clout.

And the issue of Nik Aziz Nik Mat, the PAS spiritual leader, often gets embroiled in the conversation. Many now openly question his wisdom in steadfastly opposing any form of rapprochement with UMNO while supporting continued collaboration with DAP and PKR who really are the antithesis of PAS' image, philosphies and political struggles.

So folks, what's up with the Tok Guru?

Malevolent Mullahs

A lot has been said about Nik Aziz Nik Mat’s steadfast stand against any form of talks between PAS and UMNO. To many, this is a sad indication of Nik Aziz’s abject lack of comprehension of the national political dynamics, where an unprecedented four-way-split of the Malay electorate on the back of the political coalescence of the non-Malay minorities have severely diluted Malay political hegemony. This in turn threw off-tangent the precarious socio-political equilibrium of our country as the 23+7 percent of the population leveraged on their empowerment to challenge every facet of our nation's affairs, from economic policies to education all the way to the core essence of Malaysian nationhood.

I was surprised myself at the forcefulness of Nik Aziz’s very public denunciation of Nasharuddin Mat Isa, the PAS deputy president and key initiator of the proposed PAS-UMNO “Malay Unity” talks. This is not the Tok Guru that I know and respected through the years. Patience, diplomacy, humility and other trademark virtues of this man in his two decades of rule in my home state and his stewardship of the Islamic party went out the window in the tirade.

Malay nationalists, plus assorted political opportunists with a sudden “calling” for ethnic nationalism, were understandably outraged, and wasted no time lambasting Nik Aziz, who retaliated with his own barrage of outrageous innuendos, including equating UMNO's nationalist platform with Chin Peng's CPM and, bizarrely, with the loony sect of the dewa-wannabe, Ayah Pin. Well, to oppose the pan-Malay dialogue is one thing, but to dismiss UMNO's three million plus members as the equal of the CPM bastards (who murdered the forefathers of many UMNO and PAS members) and to the Sky Kingdom apostates brings us to another level.

Many privately asked KijangMas, “Bosz, what’s your take? Why is Nik Aziz so naïve about Malaysian politics? How could he blatantly sabotage the political future of his fellow Malay Muslims?” Others also said, “Why would any patriotic Malay, not least the Kelantanese, support this man?”

Adding to Malay incredulity is Nik Aziz's enigmatic thumbs up for Lee Kuan Yew, the living icon of the anti-Malays, during the latter’s recent visit to Kelantan.

Nik Aziz's Ngan Yin Moment
Sealed with a handshake. Is PAS now in the kacang business with Singapore?
Hey, I thought people say, "you pay peanuts, you get monkeys"?

Nik Aziz is actually a captive of his pathological, all-encompassing hatred of UMNO. As I’ve mentioned in the past, his faction within PAS hates UMNO more than they love the Malays or Islam. To these people, they will do anything to spite UMNO, hence the bizarre thumbs up for Lee Kuan Yew and the ongoing unholy alliance with the anti-Malay, anti-hudud “infidels” of the DAP and PKR. Whenever UMNO and Malay Muslim nationalists take a stand on an issue, Tok Guru almost by default will take the opposite stand no matter the untenability of his logic.

Remember the hoopla about the usage of "Allah" in Malay-language publications and bibles that form part of the paraphernalia to Christianise the Malays? While federal agencies, state muftis, Malay Muslim NGOs and bloggers expended much time and intellectual resources to comprehensively counter the "Arabic-'Allah'-in-Malay-bibles-BUT-not-in-other-bibles" sandiwara by the Catholic Herald and Christian proselytisers, Nik Aziz dropped a bombshell by proclaiming that it is o.k. for non-Muslims to use the term. The logic? In his sheltered mind mollycoddled cosily in the loving clutch of his pious flock, Nik Aziz theorised that non-Muslims might want to learn more about this "Allah" and may then convert in a happy ending to the story. Yup, if only life could be that simple. But life outside the Tok Guru's little cocoon isn't so rosy. Indeed, the motive of the Christian proselytizers is the exact opposite. To these zealots, equating the familiar Muslim "Allah" with some other deity or collection of deities would make it easier to deceive impressionable young Malays and other Bumiputras.

And in the midst of attacks by subversives on Malay Special Rights (that actually paved the way for the wholesale giveaway of precious Malayan citizenship to the pendatang ancestors of these same subversives), Nik Aziz suddenly jumped in and proclaimed that the "Bumiputra" term is racist. Yup, anything to spite Malay nationalists, which he simplistically lumped into the UMNO pool. Of course, this instantly made him the lovable pin-up mullah of the anti-Malay subversives who would embrace anyone and anything that fit their nation-wrecking agenda. Oh, remember the Elizabeth Wong tidur kangkang saga, where she blamed UMNO and everyone else except herself? Yup, true to form, Nik Aziz welcomed her in Kelantan (mercifully covered-up in tudung and baju kurung this time), where she was feted like some kind of UMNO “victim.” Her audience with the Tok Guru apparently “absolved” her of all previous carnal sins and perversions. I wonder if Tok Guru ever gave a thought to the real victim, the teranianya Malay Muslim woman that is Hilmi Malek's wife? Sad.

The Tok Guru’s UMNOphobia arose from past bitter experiences during his party’s fleeting infatuation and subsequent power struggle with UMNO in Kelantan over three decades ago, which led to PAS’ acrimonious estrangement from the embryonic BN coalition. A younger Nik Aziz was a key proponent of PAS-UMNO unity in Tun Razak's new BN coalition at that time. The political crisis and federal emergency rule in Kelantan in 1978, which he attributed to UMNO's power-grabbing machinations, left him beaten, ridiculed and humiliated. His beloved PAS was decimated by defections, and prominent dissidents formed splinter mosquito parties in their battle for Kelantan. PAS remained in the wilderness for over a decade and was resurrected only when the Kelantan UMNO government imploded and crippled by MB Mohamad Yaakob's feud with the palace. Fired by parochial sentiment for Tengku Razaleigh's Parti Melayu Semangat 46, the Kelantanese comprehensively voted out UMNO in the 1990 GE and brought to power the Semangat 46-PAS alliance. PAS became the main beneficiary of this Ku Li-induced shift in voter sentiment, with Nik Aziz installed as MB while Ku Li and the Semangat 46 crew focused on the national stage in their bid to unseat Dr. Mahathir's UMNO/BN coalition at federal level.

PAS' political near-death experience and subsequent reemergence on the back of anti-UMNO, anti-federal sentiments starting in Kelantan and now in four other states left an indelible mark that forever shaped Nik Aziz's psyche towards UMNO. Hence, although the UMNO warlords of that era are now either demised or retired, Nik Aziz’s vengeance has not abated. And this man rebuilt his political career on the basis of antagonism with UMNO and continuing portrayal of UMNO as a party of deviant degenerates. Interestingly, his political fortune was also aided by Kelantan UMNO, which took it upon itself to implode repeatedly – in recurrent orgies of cah keting – over the past two decades. As long as most of the common Kelantanese abhor the bungling local UMNO characters, Nik Aziz will continue to rule the state.

Of course, in the national political perspective, PAS' collaboration with DAP and PKR has been detrimental to Malay political interests. Without PAS, Pakatan Rakyat would not be a viable political force and will cling to power only in Penang. But the worldview of Nik Aziz and many PAS members do not extend to such strategic thinking. They are still immersed in localised intra-Malay feuds -- the kafir-mengkafir stuff -- within their cultural comfort zone. Hence, when senior PAS figures started to talk about some “Malay Unity” dialogue with UMNO, should we expect a different reaction from a politician whose “strength” is in Malay disunity? Yeah, why should Nik Aziz acquiesce to the political sanitization of UMNO (especially in his own Kelantan beachhead) by elevating this “sworn enemy” into a group worthy of civilized deliberations? Indeed, a rehabilitated UMNO will be a mortal threat to his group in PAS.

So you see, Nik Aziz’s outburst and opposition to PAS-UMNO talks is nothing more than political self-preservation. Any form of dialogue with UMNO would threaten his political support base, and the Tok Guru will resort to any means to cast UMNO in a bad light. The comprehensive defeat of his slate of candidates in the recent party polls – most prominently, his protégé and neo-Anwarista, Husam Musa -- infuriated the Tok Guru. The victor, Nasharuddin, the spoiler in Anwar’s PKR-isation of PAS, must be punished and ridiculed. Hence Nik Aziz's stinging not very ulamak-like verbal attack.

The pro-unity group within PAS, people like newly re-elected president and deputy president, Hadi Awang and Nasharuddin, are more appreciative of the national political dynamics in their capacity as MPs in the federal parliament. They are necessarily pragmatic, less parochial and understand the deleterious impact of Malay political disunity, not just for the Malays but for the country as well. Over one year of political wrangling within the unwieldy, inherently untenable Pakatan Rakyat made it imperative for the Hadi-Nasha tandem to recast PAS’ anchor in the choppy Pakatan sea. A dialogue with UMNO would curtail DAP’s chauvinistic excesses and strengthen PAS’ hand in the Pakatan powergame as the alliance would collapse without the Islamist party.

But why Nik Aziz cannot see the light?

You see, Nik Aziz is essentially a glorified localised politician. His comprehension of the national political scene is clouded by a very thick haze of strategic ignorance and a worldview tinted with hearsay and factual distortions dished out by fawning simpletons. Add of course his history-tinged UMNOphobia and basis of political existence and you have an uncompromising character further emboldened by the unconditional adulation of his taksub followers.

Of course, Nik Aziz can indulge in bashing fellow Malays because he can politically and socially afford such decadent fratricide. He lives in a totally Malay universe in Kelantan, the oft-cited Cradle of Malay Civilisation. Yes, Kelantan is 97% Malay. The handful of minorities – ethnic-Chinese and Thais – are long ago assimilated linguistically and culturally and even foreign nationals exhibit their mastery of the local dialect as a badge of honour. It is a land where the occasional Indian is but a novelty and the Punjabi Sikhs and the Dan Lain-Lains are nothing more than flickering images on TV screens. Any “threat” from these Cino kito? Nope. The Teresa Kok and Ngeh-Nga Ternganga China-worshipping Cina Totok species are absent in Kelantan as the linguistic-cultural dominance and sheer numbers of the hardy Oghé Kelaté are detrimental to the propagation of such aliens.

This is Nik Aziz’s little social paradigm.

“Race” as grotesquely manifested in the West Coast does not exist in Kelantan. Everyone’s a Kelantanese – the Malays as well as the tiny ethnic minorities. And there really is no racial division of labour in this homogeneous land, as the tenacious and versatile Kelantanese Malays are involved in every aspect of the economy. They are the goldsmiths, roti canai men, hardware store owners, restauranteurs, building contractors, rubber tappers. They are the rice merchants, Ah Longs, electricians, paddy farmers, fishermen, cowherds, vegetable farmers, accountants, lawyers, doctors, engineers, … heck, even the “road bikin” crew cooking asphalt in the hot sun are Kelantanese.

Logically from his viewpoint, there is no “ancaman kepada Orang Melayu dari kaum lain” as there really is no recalcitrant “kaum lain” to “ancam” the Oghé Nnayu of Kelaté. And “kita Melayu perlu bersatu” appears to him as nothing but rhetorical sloganeering from a desperate UMNO. Well, anyone cocooned in such a tight-knit self-contained society would feel the same way. Indeed, Nik Aziz eat, sleep, talk, pray, work, think and give speeches in a wholly Malay universe. Yes, not just Malay, but the peculiar unadulterated, uncontaminated, cohesive variety known as the Kelantanese. In this rich agricultural and cultural heartland (which actually encompasses 35,000 sq km from southern Songkhla in Thailand to Setiu in Trengganu), one can blissfully exist and thrive from cradle to grave very much without uttering anything but Kelantanese. And one’s worldview and mindset are forged from this specific social conditioning.

Imagine talking about an Asian or Hispanic “cultural threat” to a farmer in lily White North Dakota or Montana. Yup, the multicultural challenges plaguing New York or Los Angeles would not strike a chord with inhabitants of America’s White heartland. And no gubernatorial or congressional candidate running in these states would go far campaigning about issues specific to New York, LA and other cosmopolitan social hotspots. The same principles apply in Kelantan. Remember Manek Urai? 99.2% Malay Muslims! Now that’s as homogeneous as you get anywhere on earth.

Nik Aziz's inherent parochialism is perhaps indicative of the psyche of the Kelantan masses. The Kelantanese traditionally are wary of central authority. Their extended social realm was partitioned into two halves by external powers with the advent of the 1909 Anglo-Siamese Treaty, where Kelantan fell under the British sphere while its sister state of Patani was annexed outright by Siam. Hence, till this day, four million Kelantanese speakers (two million in-state and at least an equal number in other states) on the Malaysian half are cut-off from three million of their brethrens simmering in the four Thai-controlled provinces of Patani, Singgora, Menara and Jalor. Indeed, momentous geo-political history beyond petty Malaysian politics shaped the psyche of the Kelantan-Patani people, who necessarily view external forces in negative light: The Riau Malays out of KL for the Kelantanese and the Central Chao Phraya Basin T’ai of Bangkok for the Patani people.

How does this translate into Kelantan politics?

To the Kelantanese, PAS and UMNO represent two different things. Through the years, PAS has been viewed, perhaps justifiably, as the political platform that epitomised the unshackled, maverick and independent streak so inherent in the Kelantanese. PAS excelled in painting itself as the parti kito, perfectly playing up to the deeply ingrained anti-federal, anti-Oghé Lua sentiment of the hyper-clannish Kelantanese. And this UMNO Oghé Lua bogeymen is further embellished by PAS as the culprit, the guilty perpetrator of PAS’ abject failure to administer and develop the state. Again, not wholly untrue, UMNO is accused of withholding federal development funds and other economic injustices. Kelantan’s request for a regional TV station to cater to its linguistic and cultural specificities was long ago rejected, although even Thailand’s Channel 11 beaming out of Jalor (Yala) has news broadcasts and entertainment in Kelantanese-Patani Malay. And then we have the oil royalty fiasco. A lot can be said about this matter and I will leave it to a future post, but suffice to say that this will be yet another political timebomb of UMNO’s own doing.

UMNO, born in the Riau Malay heartland of Johor, is viewed as the political front of centralist forces bent on extending their political tentacles on far away Kelantan. Everything about UMNO is "federal." Everything radiates from some mysterious, powerful pusat -- kuasa pusat, kerajaan pusat, pentadbiran pusat, perancangan pusat. "Pusat" means "control," control by the central authorities -- the weird sounding Oghé Lua from distant Putrajaya.

Hence, PAS’ strategy in Kelantan is simple. “We are the Oghé Kito party that will keep these uncouth Oghé Lua at bay. As for election promises, the PAS approach is simple as well.

Promise nothing.

Yeah, nothing neatly wrapped in a box of inconsequential intangibles. PAS has perfected the art of disseminating this nothingness via a fatalistic disposition juxtaposed on spiritual holiness spiced with vague allusions to some corollary divine blessings that would be “felt” only by the true believers.

How could one argue against that?

My friend Robin called recently and asked, "but Bosz, didn't UMNO/BN ruled Kelantan in the past? Why so susah to regain your state? Waah, this PAS that good ah?"

Look, UMNO flourished in Kelantan in the seventies on the back of Tengku Razaleigh's stature in the party and government, as the creator and initial driver of our national treasure, Petronas, and as the all-powerful Finance Minister under PM's Razak and Hussein Onn. Ku Li propelled Kelantan politics to the national centre stage, with a very distinct possibility of him becoming the PM for ALL Malaysia, an Anok Kelaté at the helm of our nation. Of course, there was a minor inconvenience of someone named Mahathir Mohamad in the way and the rest is history. Ku Li formed Parti Melayu Semangat 46 in the aftermath of the 1988 UMNO deregistration fiasco and fought UMNO/BN in two GEs before folding in 1996. Ku Li’s political machinations profoundly recalibrated Kelantan’s political dynamics. UMNO's influence in the state faltered and never quite recovered till this day as the post-Ku Li leadership stuttered and stumbled in their bid to regain Kelantanese support.

Of course, Kelantan UMNO is not helped by the disposition of its main cast of characters. Justifiable of not, the likes of Annuar Musa, Awang Adek Hussein, Fatmi Salleh and Sazmi Miah are not exactly bankable. Many ooze sleaze. Some are slimy to the touch. Others, such as Zaid Ibrahim, jumped ship to another party after earlier being canned for money politics and then failing to win even his own little branch elections, let alone the General Election. Zaid now swaggers to the Pakatan beat in his pantomime of false relevance with fellow opportunists in PKR. Perhaps the lone figure of dignity in Kelantan UMNO is Mustapa Mohamad. Datuk Pa is a good man, a technocrat, almost an accidental politician. But how much can one bland, uninspiring good man do to reverse UMNO’s fortunes in Kelantan?

So how then? How can UMNO/BN recapture Kelantan? How to counter the PAS propaganda machine appealing to Kelantanese parochialism and borderline irredentism?

Go back to the Oghé Kelaté. Back to the grassroots.

How?

Kelantanise the state UMNO. Yes, a Kelantan UMNO by the Kelantanese for the Kelantanese focused on Kelantan issues. Kelantan UMNO will tackle PAS head-on on specific LOCAL issues, LOCAL grievances, LOCAL needs, LOCAL concerns.

No need to send too many Riau Malays, mamaks, celup Malays, semi-Malays and pseudo-Malays to confuse and infuriate these finicky Malay heartlanders of linguistic and cultural homogeneity. And please lah, no need to fly in the likes of Samy Vellu, Tee Keat, Tsu Koon, Kayveas and other extra-terrestrials to Planet Kelantan.

No more Najib PRU12 "Kelantan munduuuuurrrr ...." and "Tahun Merawat Kelantan" insults. And don't repeat the Padé Doh disaster of the un-Kelantanese-like budok hité that was the final nail on the UMNO keranda in PRU12. The UMNO Riau Malays often thread a fine line of local propriety in their canvassing of Kelantanese votes at every PRU. Often, a couple of non-Kelantanese sentences uttered perhaps subconsciously to critique Kelantan's perceived backwardness irrevocably turned off the audience. Another constituency lost. And this happened again and again in every PRU, where ignorant non-Kelantanese UMNO ministers unwittingly imposed their intrinsic prejudices on the Oghé Kelaté crowd.

Yes, Kelantan’s distinctiveness warrants a revolutionary approach to its politics. If Najib and UMNO/BN genuinely care about the welfare of the Kelantanese, then they should think outside the UMNO box and seriously implement measures beyond their political comfort zones that have failed miserably for the past two decades.

As for Nik Aziz, should the Malays worry about him?

No.

He is the last vestige of a past generation stuck in a historical timewarp and oblivious to national political dynamics, unable to even remotely comprehend the external pressures on his Malay race from a fast evolving regional geopolitical arena.

Let him be. Let the Tok Guru indulge in his tantrums and cynical rhetorics on Malay Muslim issues.

We must focus on the new crop of leaders -- of all parties -- who will determine the strategic direction of this country's Malay Muslim backbone. Let there be dialogue, not just an UMNO-PAS lovefest, but a healthy holistic discourse across the panacea of Malay society as we collectively rein in the excesses of the past half decade induced by a perfect storm swirling around an incompetent Malay leadership buttressed against a toxic cocktail of a lunatic fringe bent on dismantling the very essence of our Tanah Air in cohort with a chameleonic charlatan desperate to occupy Seri Perdana at all costs.

Stable and cohesive Malay political leadership are the ultimate determinants of Malaysia's viability as a sovereign, progressive nation. And this "leadership" transgresses mere political parties. It is all-encompassing, with all Malays as stakeholders. Can UMNO assume the lead with PAS? We shall see.

Now, what has Nik Aziz got in common with Michael Jackson?

Nothing. Except perhaps the Tok Guru leads the charge for the moon party while MJ moonwalks to stardom.

Now for my little closure on Michael Jackson.

King of Pop: 1958-2009

I received an early morning (KB time) text message from a friend in Santa Cruz, an hour’s drive south of San Francisco. It read:-

Bosz, MJ, the King of Pop is dead. Heart failure. Wow. RIP.

A quick online check confirmed the news, as it spread like wildfire in news portals, social network sites and blogs, with many sites "choked" by the sheer volume of MJ-related queries. Yes indeed, Michael Joseph Jackson, the pop icon of my 80s generation, died of cardiac arrest at the age of 50 in his rented Holmby Hills estate, a 15 minute drive via the Santa Monica freeway from my alma mater in a part of Los Angeles as much my “kampung” as KL and KB. The exact cause of death has not been conclusively determined and subject to rigorous toxicology tests, although all indications lead to the usual substance abuse prevalent among troubled stars. MJ's precarious physical state contributory to his untimely demise is subject to media speculation around the world.

I was a fresh faced college freshman in California when Michael Jackson took the music world by storm with his Thriller album. Of course, MJ was already a child prodigy in the early seventies. But Thriller, released in late 1982, proved to be a milestone in the evolution of American pop culture. The music bridged the ethnic divide as Whites, Blacks, Hispanics, Asians and all colours in between hummed to the tune of Human Nature and The Girl is Mine and shuffled and gyrated to the beat of Billie Jean, Beat It and Thriller and the rest of his 37 U.S. Top 40 hits. Millions of people around the globe were touched by MJ's music. And I can still recall his memorable U.S. TV commercial for Pepsi, co-starring a young Alfonso Ribeiro of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air fame.

MJ's concerts were spellbinding, with the audience mesmerized by his sheer energy and prodigious talents. Oh yeah, KijangMas was there, swaggering to the beat in two concerts, although I could never master the Moonwalk ...

Those were the times when upscale Rodeo Drive shops shut their doors to the public to cater to the shopping safari of MJ and his unwieldy entourage of hangers-on and parasitic sycophants. The mercurial pop icon was a travelling circus alright, attracting huge crowds wherever he went. I myself caught glimpses of Jacko upclose and in the flesh a couple of times while buried in a frenzied, gawking crowd of fans and curious bystanders caught in the contagious mayhem.

During graduate school, I lived for a while in Studio City, a bohemian commune of budding starlets and entertainment industry workers just off glitzy Ventura Boulevard and a stone's throw from Universal Studios. The neighbour across the street, Mike, wrote jingles for TV commercials, plonking on his piano for hours on end. Adam, a cultured African American chap, was a stuntman on such shows as The Fall Guy and The A Team. Another neighbour worked as a budgetting exec for 2oth Century Fox. I occasionally visit an Arab coursemate in his rented dilapidated haunted mansion-type bungalow near downtown LA where almost a dozen Hollywood "extras" camped out in spartan conditions waiting for their big break.

I don't think anyone made it to stardom.

The closest any one of these out-of-state Americans got to being a "star" was Jim with his cameo role as a mental hospital attendant who chased MacGyver and got nailed real good by an improvised booby trap. At least 20 of us cheered in front of the TV when Jim became a "TV star" for 42 seconds in that popular 80s show. It was a real ROTFL moment for me upon seeing poor Jim making a complete fool of himself on TV in a showbiz career that ended with a good whacking in the face by some unbelievable gizmo assembled from stuff out of a garbage can in the usual MacGyver style. Jim told us he went through four takes to get the shot right, meaning he had to run across the “hospital hallway” (actually a studio prop in a Burbank backlot) and then get knocked by flying planks swung by off-camera stage hands four times. And Jim had the bruises to prove the reality of the routine. Man …. the price people pay for 42 seconds of fame.

The Hollywood motion picture industry is traditionally heavily unionised, which prompted many cash-strapped American productions to cast and shoot across the border in Toronto or Vancouver. Of course, every other waitress, handyman and car jockey you meet in a 10-mile radius of Hollywood is a card-carrying member of the 200,000-strong Screen Actors Guild, the film and television performers union. Some made it big, such as ex-waitress Mariah Carey, ex-carpenter Harrison Ford and former obscure back-up dancers, Madonna, Paula Abdul and Jennifer Lopez.

Living near Hollywood through the years also gave me the opportunity to view and study these stars up close in their natural habitat. A post-midnight trip to the convenience store on Wilshire, La Cienega or Santa Monica boulevards could spawn interesting chance encounters with personalities worshipped by fans across the world, including many in Malaysia constipated by their hilarious mimicry of Ameringlish viewed on cetakrompak CDs. Jack Nicholson, who famously proclaimed "I only take viagra when I am with more than one woman," is the consummate American HamSapLo, and he comes across to me as a cool albeit borderline psychotic hombre. He is often seen with budding young starlets in tacky overpriced eateries dotting the Sunset Strip and is a permanent fixture at Laker basketball games. Jack would occasionally oblige with a firm handshake and cheeky grin, characteristically uttering, "Hey man, long time no see. You been scoring much lately?" "Score" what Jack? I leave that to the imagination. And now imagine Bette Midler or Barbara Streisand without makeup buying milk and cigarettes at 3am. Not a pretty sight.

But nothing beats an encounter with The Godfather of Soul himself, the late James Brown (here marshalling the only joint stage appearance by MJ and his 80's rival Prince in a one-of-a-kind 1983 footage) at a somewhat rundown but famous diner off Figueroa Street in downtown LA. He sportingly allowed us to snap pictures while I marveled at his humungous platter of barbequed ribs, double order of hashbrowns, tub of Häagen-Dazs plus what looked like a barrel of Devil's Juice ..... and he said those were just for starters. Yeah James, I'm sure you feeeel gooood.

Well folks, the eighties was more than just Michael Jackson. It was a paradigm shift in the musical affixation of an entire generation. To me, the eighties was the Golden Age of pop culture, with new musical genres spawned in an explosion of talent and creativity enabled by the fusion of musical rhythms and beats in an embryonic borderless world. A young MTV came to my living room in 1982. Yeah, you eighties junkies out there, recall this piece.

My favourite 80s musician? I'm a big fan of Bryan Adams. His works such as this, this, this and this define the Californian KijangMas. Who else? The late Paul Davis was excellent though underappreciated. Sample this and this. And then we have the usual standardbearers across the different genres such as this, this, this, this and this.

But there is only one King of Pop -- Michael Jackson. MJ lives on in his music, and will set new heights in popularity and commercial success even in death. And this is his last hurrah.

Thank you Michael. R.I.P.

Maids and Mad Dogs

I get sick to the stomach whenever I stumble upon yet another picture of an emaciated, shivering and badly mutilated Indonesian maid. What kind of warganegara Malaysia would do such things?

To the sadist perpetrators, you are nothing more than animals; no, you people are below that as even animals have proper rules of conduct among their kin.

Haiya Auntie, apa sudah jadi? Ini sudah lebih. Apasal lu orang hantam itu pembantu rumah sampai separuh mati? Sampai paksa makan babi, makan nasi dalam longkang, kasi cacat dia orang punya badan? Tapi gaji tadak bayar. Kerja free kah? Dia orang lu punya hamba kah? Lu apa jenis punya binatang ah? Atau mungkin makhluk lain alam ka? Mana planet lu mari? Mana punya bahagian Cilakalah (bukan Cakrawalla) lu terbang mari senyap-senyap masuk ini bumi Malaysia? Waulau, banyak syiok ah? Hantam lain manusia cukup-cukup? Lu orang punya pasal, satu Malaysia sudah busuk nama. Sampai negara jiran serumpun pun sudah mau perang sama ini negara. Basket lu. Lu bikin kacau, semua orang kena tanggung. Bikin semua orang susah. Ada patut kah? Ini macam boleh jalan ka? Ada ngam kah? Tadak! Dari sekarang, lu orang kena ikut lain syarat kalau masih mau pakai pembantu rumah. Lu Tanya apasal? Sebab, rakyat Malaysia yang berbudaya tinggi dan bertamadun halus Nusantara macam gua boleh pakai syarat-syarat sedia ada. Tapi haiwan buas dari lain planet macam lu kena ikut syarat-syarat yang sesuai untuk lu punya kepala otak dan hati perut. Lu tak suka, lu tak setuju, itu bukan gua punya hal. Lu jenis makhluk aneh tadak terima kasih sama orang. Kita lagi tolong, lu lagi jahat. Kita lagi kasi, lu lagi mau. Ini macam boleh tahan ka? Sekarang lu sendiri kena masak, kemas, cuci dan kasi jaga itu suami, datuk, nenek sama anak cucu. Kalau tak boleh bikin, apasal dulu lu kahwin? Betul ka?

Demi Negara urges the Malaysian government to institute the following maid-hiring rules with immediate effect:-

- Employers and maids must be matched by their cultural and religious backgrounds.
- Malaysian Bumiputras may hire fellow Pribumi maids from the Nusantara.
- Chinese Malaysians may hire maids from China, the Phillipines and Vietnam.
- Indian Malaysians may hire maids from India and Sri Lanka.

What’s that?

Did I hear some noise from that corner of the Cilakalah or was it some Ah Pek humming a James Brown tune?

Apa?

No deal?

Tak setuju? Tak adil?

Adil? Lu faham ka itu "adil" apa?

Lu paksa pembantu Islam makan babi “adil” ka? Lu kasi curah air panas atas muka orang “adil” ka?

Auntie, hari-hari gua dengar lu orang bising bikin kacau mau simpan lu punya identiti “keCinaan” sampai hari kiamat. Jadi lu kena pakai pembantu dari China lah. Betul ka? Baru lu betul-betul patriotis kaum Cina … baru “matching” sama lu punya semangat. Lu boleh puas-puas lah belajar itu original Cina punya bahasa dan budaya dan masakan dari lu punya pembantu dari Dalian, Szechuan dan Hubei.

Excuse me Auntie? Did you just mumbled about the “danger” of the China-Mali maids? What danger? Ahh? Unker might be seduced? So you admit to the utter lack of budaya, kesopanan, etika and tatatertib (not to mention keimanan teguh and maruah diri) among the pembantus from the land that you worshipped and deified as your pristine linguistic and cultural mecca worthy of exaggerated emulation by your people here? How do you know your kids in the Mandarin-centric, China-driven SJKCs will not copy the values of these China-Mali people? Waah, ini macam hancurlah masyarakat. No wonder Michael Chong is a very busy man.

I’m confused now.

This is getting more challenging than Prince keeping his shirt on in a concert.

You mean to say that the maidens from your self-proclaimed ancestral homeland are sooooo untrustworthy and of low moral character that they would grab your limp Ah Peks (and whatever other two-legged mammals with testicles in your homes) in no time if they are allowed to roam and forage in your kitchens and bedrooms as maids? Wow? And you also imply that you cannot trust your grinning Ah Peks, smiling kid brothers and wide-eyed sons with a young maiden from China in your home while you are out playing Mahjong? Go set up your own Rukunrumah lah. Most of the tenets of the Rukunegara can be used maah …

Print and paste this on your fridge:-

- Kepercayaan kepada tuhan: You mess around with these China Dolls, you end up in hell … on earth with me (yeah, YOU lah Auntie) as the tormentor;

- Kesetiaan kepada Isteri dan Ibu: Ah Pek and the anak jantan better be setia to the wife and mother maah; otherwise habis lah;

- Keluhuran Peraturan: ALL rules set by Auntie are cast in stone. Otherwise, your name Ah Pek will be carved on the tombstone;

- Kedaulatan undang-undang rumah: Yeah, ALL guided by rule of law set by Auntie;

- Kesopanan dan kesusilaan: Ah Pek and sons MUST be on good behavior at all times. The China maid to be on strict dress code. Chastity belt standard accessory.

Boleh?

Still don’t want?

Like this how?

Hmm, let me see now:-

- The China-Mali maid cannot be trusted.

- The husband cannot be trusted.

- The son cannot be trusted.

- The male relative cannot be trusted.

- The male neighbours cannot be trusted.

- Anyone with balls hanging within a 10km radius of the maid cannot be trusted.

Then how?

But how come the ONLY unhappy party in this transaction is YOU Auntie, plus other likeminded insecure, paranoiac wives! No wonder lah your pin-up gal has been so vehement in resisting government measures to allow China-sourced maids to compete with the Nusantara kind to lessen our dependence on a single, monopolistic supplier. Well, I would have done the same if I look like that! Scarryyy man ..... makes me want to put on a chastity belt!

Hey, you people like to talk about meritocracy lah, level playing field lah, equal opportunities lah, borderless world lah … then how come you are denying your standard-issue rhetoric to poor women from China who wanted to earn an honest living as maids here?

Ahh?

Auntie, why you laugh when I said “honest living”?

Why you assume ALL maidens from China will end up in vice and organized crime? Haiya, how can you generalize whole groups of people like that? Not fair maah. When I critique your group’s peculiar traits, you people had a field day condemning KijangMas as racist lah, anti-this lah and anti-that lah. But how come you can just sweepingly accuse each and every rambut karat long-legged maiden in short skirt from China with names like Candy and Apple of being involved in some kind of vice? Haiya, they need to be lazy and ugly like YOU kah in order to be certified vice free?

Unker, I see you nodding behind that sneaky grin.

Apa? Ya, betul Unker. Who knows, maybe some of these China “dolls” are pursuing advanced degrees in thermobionucleardynamics of the digestive system of the endangered nocturnal scar-faced bob-tailed opossum endemic to the Cheras-Pandan red-light district? Yeah Auntie, why just assumed they are into vice just because they are prettier than you and you somehow had some premonition that your Ah Pek might be caught with screwdriver and crowbar outside your prospective China maid’s bedroom? I'm sure the good Unker was just “testing” the strength of the lock and key maah, true or not ah Unker?

Whoaa Auntie, are you trying to do the moonwalk or are you convulsing in epileptic rage?

Apa?

Oh, still want to have Indonesian maids to bully, to be the “proxy hate figure” for you to physically vent your pathological hatred of the Malays who were dumb enough to charitably embrace your latok-nenek from the Cilakalah blackhole in space?

Ok, listen up. Dengar sini. Kalau lu mau pakai pembantu Pribumi Indonesia, lu kena jadi macam Bumiputra Malaysia dulu lah. Betul kah? Lu kena cakap Melayu, sopan-santun, tolak ansur, berbudi bahasa dan bertatatertib dengan orang; bukan hantam sana, tibai sini, lesap depan, curi belakang, kambus bawah, roboh tepi, … semua lu sapu mau kaut itu wang. Haiya, faham kah?

Folks, am I being unreasonable here?

Why?

Name me a place on earth where whole groups of people can terrorize female foreign guest workers with impunity and almost as a matter of socio-cultural imperative? Where? The Gulf Arab countries? Yeah sure. I also call on these petty fiefdoms to go find their own khaddams and marjinas in the oasis of Sudan, Chad and Mauritania. But would they dare beat and ravage these tough nomads like what they do to poor little Indonesians and Muslim Filipinas?

Anyway, let me restate my call.

Maids and employers in Malaysia MUST be matched by culture and religion. It's just basic common sense. These people live in our homes 24/7, cook and eat our food, take care of our families. It is imperative for the culture and spiritual beliefs of both parties to match.

We are supposed to be a modern nation, currently inundating the world with all sorts of liberalizations and empowerments and enablers and what not. This socio-economic rationalisation must include guidelines on cultural compatibilty and abolishment of legalized slavery made more profound when these poor Pribumi women from a fraternal neighbour become captive proxy-targets and easy punching bags of the subversive anti-Malay lowlifes and parasites.