Saturday, October 25, 2008

Demi Negara's Blog Jester of the Week is ...


Yes, the winner of the inaugural award is Ali Rustam, the Chief Minister of Malacca.

Tahniah YAB Dato' Seri


For single-handedly liberalising the rarefied Malaysian institution of the Datukship with his awarding of the Darjah Mulia Seri Melaka which brings the title "Datuk" to Bollywood actor Shahrukh Khan ostensibly in recognition of this actor's jasa, pengorbanan dan keperwiraan
-- deed, sacrifice and gallantry -- in his service to the historical state of Malacca.

Enough has been said about this in the blogosphere. Talk is cheap. KijangMas will not add to the pile. Instead, I propose a hearty pile of:-

Congratulations Ali Rustam !

Bhadai Ho! Yang Berbahagia Datuk Shahrukh Khan. Bhadai Ho!

A Datukship is, of course, just one of the seven must-have items in the Malaysian Neo-VVVIP Survival Kit. This kit consists of (in no particular order):-

- A Datukship
A few years ago, the really cékai VVVIP-wannabes would secure "Dato’ Mindanao" awards from the "Sultan of Mindanao" of the southern Philippines. This has died down after some unflattering media exposure. Quite timely indeed. Otherwise we would have been inundated with Datuks from other extinct Malay kingdoms of the Nusantara – Dato’ Patani, Dato’ Singgora, Dato’ Ligor, Dato’ Setul, Dato’ Palembang, Dato’ Jambi and so on.

- A phony Ph.D. from a diploma mill

Usually off a mailbox somewhere in a sleazy part of my occasional hometown, Los Angeles. Hint: Beware of politicians with "Dr." prefixes mysteriously obtained at late middle-age. Go through the UMNO candidates list for Supreme Council posts and above and spot the LA-mailbox University alumnis. Well, I guess "Dato' Seri Dr." adds some much-needed credibility to these assorted jesters and broker-angins.

- A luxury sedan or MPV
Recon pun bolehlah. But heavy tinting is de rigueur.

- A single digit number plate
Numbers "1" and "8" are out of the question, so many would settle for a "4" or a "5." The more cékai VVVIP-wannabes would get an "11" and then affix the digits one millimeter apart to create the illusion of a number "1" when viewed from afar. Personally, I would go for "6967" – it sounds good when said aloud in Cantonese with a mouthful of Ngan Yin groundnuts.

- A "Power" Crest
... mounted near the number plate. The bigger the better. It doesn’t matter if the jawi script stands for Persatuan Bekas Perajurit Perang Congo or Ahli JKKK Kubang Sepat, Pasir Mas. Lagi besar lagi bagus beb.

- A Trophy Maid
Yes, a trophy maid. Trophy wives are now passé -- they are high maintenance and inevitably get old, fat and ugly and are non-exchangeable or returnable. Trophy maids are just like the recon luxury cars or the phony Ph.Ds or the meaningless car crests – obtainable for a determined price and replaceable, plus can cook and wash too. It has become fashionable nowadays for these Datuks to utter, "Oh itu orang gaji I. Bukan bini I.
Kenapa? Cun kan?"

- Golf Clubs in the boot/trunk
... although the last time they actually “played golf” was when they whacked the neighbourhood stray with the 9 iron.

Anything else in the Malaysian Neo-VVVIP Survival Kit?


Lawyer Kampung said...

Hahaha ..nice one KijangMas ;-) You crack me up bro.

Mat Cendana said...


Remember something I had written in a comment here some days ago, about "seeing Mat Cendana in the newspaper, hopefully this Sunday"...?

Well, it's Sunday, and YES, there is "something" about him in the newspaper. You can get the link from this post of Mat Cendana goes mainstream with Michael Moore.

Well, I could have provided the direct link here, of course; but getting a few extra clicks to my blog from here would help with the PageRank and stuff:-)

Yes, one significant notch for "the Gambang alumni" and for the Kelantanese.

Unknown said...

hey great to have you back

maybe the new datuk will put in a word or two during his acceptance speech

that might increase the number of nominations

pls keep blogging

Saya... said...

Ummmm...Tun Mahathir actually defended the Shah his blog...

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha,

Whacked the neighbourhood stray with a 9-iron!!!! That's something.


ben said...

Sang KijangMas:

How about membership of a prestigious Golf & Country Club?

matdeboq said...

Waa..!!! verli punni one..aah!!
Your a good!!
You make my day or rather my late night..!!
And keep it coming ...kinda like that...!!

Thanks..from Latuk Seli Loktor ass.

Mat Cendana said...

Darn! Why did you mention the Diploma Mill for?? There goes my attempt to get a Mass Comm M.A, affix that to my Profile and lend some credibility to my blog! And your post here - write more of this and you'll put my blog out of business! Heheh!

I don't know any Cantonese, so I miss out on what those numbers would sound like. But those crests, HAHA! Yes, some people are just plain LOUD and vulgar.

GREAT post, Kijangmas; as with all your other ones. Plus your replies too. You've set a new standard with this blog, and I'm serious about this one.

KijangMas said...

Mat Cendana,


Yes, you're a mainstream literary critic now. More will come I'm sure.

You know, even before your note here, I had come across your article BUT I did not realise it was written by you .... in my haste I didn't notice the "Ahmad Cendana" nom de plume.

Excellent piece, considering (like you said in your blog) you had to work around 700 words. That would be very challenging indeed, like the old précis lessons in school.

Again, tahniah and Oghé Kelaté Buléh!

Oh, I don't know about setting any "new standard" Mat. To be frank, I don't really care.

I write from my heart and use my precious time to do so. I'm doing this for the love of our people and our Tanah Air. This is an outlet to share my thoughts and for me to learn from others. And that gives me saisfaction no money can buy. That's my reward.

Ok Mr. literary critic, back to work ...

Bung Karno said...

Add one more if to attain a more heavenly VVVIP status :

Ability to utter salam and thank you in long,winding Arabic。

KijangMas said...

Bung Karno said ..."Ability to utter salam and thank you in long,winding Arabic."

Ha ha ha ... that's very true Bung, very true indeed. I didn't think of that.

Anonymous said...

What is "6967" in Cantonese?

Any meaning?

Rajen K.

Pak Zawi said...

Kijang Mas,
Awarding Datukship takes a new meaning nowadays. It is a way of bringing the tourists. Should Kelantan emulate Melaka and do the same?

BaitiBadarudin said...

woops ... now I've got to be real careful 'bout getting my doctorate!

ben said...

Sang KijangMas:

Mind if you tell us how many years were you abroad?

Pl dont be elusive - since you have many fans out there...


Anonymous said...

I think he's trying to bodek Najib thru Rosmah, lah.
Last time it was Pak Lah thru arwah Endon, with those nyonya kebaya things.
He's at the end of his rope.
Looks like no more money going to Melaka after this.


Anonymous said...


just out of curiosity... your initials couldn't, by chance, happen to be T.M. or T.I., could it?


Mat Cendana said...

I was right about 99% of readers not caring about who had written something. Only "certain types" would (including those without much else to do).

Well, not really "literary critic" - this is usually reserved for those who do write books themselves, or "who have been around" (and I'm a newbie) ... wouldn't dare to criticise too much or go in too deeply. Not right now, at least.

But I've taken a crash course (from the Internet, of course), and I hope these reviews will become better over time as I see how the pros do it. Experience is something that I don't have - but I have to start somewhere...

BTW that's one great thing about reading "books" (as opposed to "from the computer's screen") - I seem to learn more new things than I would with the latter. I don't know why this is so. That includes with digitized books too, like those at Project Gutenberg. With me, the printed stuff sure beats digital when it comes to a lot of things.

KijangMas said...

Zawi said: "Kijang Mas,
Awarding Datukship takes a new meaning nowadays. It is a way of bringing the tourists. Should Kelantan emulate Melaka and do the same?"



It's ridiculous and plain dumb.

The Kelantan royal family will not do such a thing. Anyway, if Kelantan are to dish out Datukships to celebrity-types for the sake of “attracting tourists,” my candidate would have been my favourtie Kelantan artist, Dolloh Baju Méghoh, the supreme Master Tok Dalang of the Kelantan Wayang Kulit scene. But sadly he passed away a couple of years ago.

The logic of linking Datukship awards to foreign celebrities (who have minimal or no jasa to a state) with attracting tourists is tenuous at best and probably in bad taste. I know Dr. M was supportive of this and while I agree with most of Dr. M’s thoughts throughout the ages, I respectfully disagree on this one.

The logic is just too convoluted and far fetched. Also, tourists from India are hardly desirable. Yeah, KijangMas states the cold hard ugly facts. Kalau terasa pedas, too bad. Yes, I know quite a bit about the local tourist scene. Legitimate "Indian tourists" are almost negligible here. The "Indian" tourists in KLCC are actually British and South African Indians with cash to spend. Not the Bharat variety.

Of the real Indian origin tourists, the legit monied ones end up in glitzy Singapore and decadent Bangkok. But 99% of Indian nationals who washed-up on our shores are not tourists and have no intention of returning home any time soon. If you live in any West Coast city/town, chances are you’ve crossed paths with them the past 24 hours – at the corner mamak shop, the cleaners at the local mall, the ubiquitous gardeners, and the car wash kulis. These are not tourists. Indeed, Shahrukh Khan's Datukship may even embolden future pendatangs tanpa izin from India as they perceive Malaysia as a soft safe haven that had just honoured their fellow countryman for no apparent reason.

Indeed, if “crowd pulling” was the real motivation, then Malacca should focus on the real affluent and newly affluent sets. Award these promotional Datukships to Madonna, Chow Yuen Fatt, Jet Li, David Beckham. And don’t forget the Ratu Dangdut gelek queen Inul – now, that will surely cause a tourist-attracting stir! And I'm trying hard to NOT imagine Khalil Yaacob bumbling while trying to affix the 2kg DMSM Bintang somewhere up Inul's well-endowed torso with si Ali Rustam gawking from the front row ...

What the heck, give it to Barack Obama and I can guarantee Malacca will be in the world spotlight for the next month or so!

Sorry, but this Datukship chrade is nothing more than a manifestation of Ali Rustam‘s own fetish with Bollywood and Shahrukh Khan. You see, Ali has something very few other politicians have or can give. Ali can dish out Datukships to all and sundry. Malacca’s last Sultan on home soil emigrated in 1511. Hence, there is no royal family to countervail silly machinations of the politicans and you end up with this Datuks galore.

Malacca is, of course, well known as the refuge of the Datuk wannabes. During the period when the Kelantan throne and UMNO were at loggerheads in the late eighties to mid nineties, the coterie of state UMNO leaders scuttled down to Malacca for their DMSMs and DGSMs – although many have not set foot on that state for ages (except perhaps transgressing the state on the NSE on the KL-JB route), let alone doing anything heroic or any jasa cemerlang that would warrant such an award. Just ask my friend Beghéhéng Ali, Datuk Pa, Awé Adek and Nuar Muso plus Fatmi Salleh and a few bullock cart-fuls of the Kelantan UMNO gang where the heck they got their very first Datukships? It sure ain’t Kelaté kito. Yup, almost all, if not all, got it from Malacca.

Personally, I think only the nine hereditary rulers should give out Datukships. The existing Federal awards list will take care of the rest. The two former Straits Settlements of Malacca and Penang and the Borneo teritories of Sabah and Sarawak have no basis to dish out Datukships, which was and should remain the domain of the Malay royal households.

Imagine George W. Bush knighting deserving Americans the old British way, just because the U.S. was an old colonial relic of the British Empire? Imagine a Sir Dick Cheney or a Lady Condi Rice or perhaps a Lord Clinton of Arkansas.

Of course this is beyond the realm of the imaginable. See, no Raja, no gelaran. If Malacca still want to give out Datukships, then Ali Rustam better go find and pertabalkan that nut in Gombak who claimed the throne of Malacca.

KijangMas said...

benj said..."Mind if you tell us how many years were you abroad?"

Haiya, why so interested in my background? You man or woman? If woman, single or married? If single, still available or not? If available, send me your pic and biodata and a stamped self-addressed envelope.

I first went abroad when I was 15 back in 1979. With my older brother, we roamed Europe for a month -- on planes, trains, riverboat, buses, subways, occasional lifts from good samaritans, and finally the cross-channel ferry from Zeebrugge Belgium to Dover where we met up with our oldest brother in London. We had to fend off Gypsy muggings twice and were held captive (mistaken identity) for an hour by Italian banditos in Rome. Also, were interrogated at Schiphol airport, Amsterdam for suspected carriage of contraband. The only suspicious thing the Dutch guys found was my packet of serunding marijuana look-alike. Darn, there goes my food supply!

No big deal. It was a lot of fun (... at 15, everything's fun). Spent another week in Britain before finally hopping back on cheap airfreight flights via Sofia, Moscow, Delhi and Bangkok.

In 1982, went to the U.S. on a one-way ticket. Been in and out of Malaysia since then.

BUT Kelantan is still my home. Nowhere on earth like my Negeghi Kelaté. Nowhere.

There you have it. KijangMas' life history, Chapter 1. For the rest, wait for a future Adventures of KijangMas book in a bookstore near you.

If cannot wait, just buy my Patani book via the icon near the top of this page. Some tantalising clues there.

KijangMas said...

theboldanon said: "... just out of curiosity... your initials couldn't, by chance, happen to be T.M. or T.I., could it?"

Good try!

But No.

By design, I've banished the "T" or its other elaborate derivatives from my name. Social burden.

Keep on guessing.

Anonymous said...

And there was this gentlemen who created havoc when my cashier scribbled his name wrongly:

Datuk, Dato, Dato', Datuk Seri...

Oh what the hell, the cost of his purchase was only RM4.50.. and he made the cashier rewrite on a fresh bill to reflect the correct spelling, with a YB before it!! Ciss joker..


ben said...

Si KijangMas:

Many thanks for sharing with us your 'Traveller's Tales' - at such a tender age. "Going West' had made you a 'son-of-a-gun.' arent a typical marhaen Kelatenese, highly likely one of those descendants of the Pattani Royal households, a 'Ku ....' The book that you had authored shed some light.

And in the same breath, it may 'kill' theboldanon's curiosity... A long shot, eh?

Anonymous said...

G'day KijangMas,

Rajen K, KM requested I explain "6967" in a subtle way; so bear with me on my french connection. The closest I can come out with, without upseting anyone is;

"Fcuk this, Fcuk that".

Boldanon, KM's initial is actually hor, "T.F.K" as in "Tar Fei Kei" in Cantonese or if u prefer 'shooting the aeroplane'.

KijangMas, further to our discussion on 11967, have u spank the monkey yet this morning?

The answer to their questions on "What's sticky whitish yellow with a banana essence flavoured smell?" Well, it's monkey's vomit!

Jangan marah marah je,
Unker Yew Wang Ker

P.S - Have u TOSS the stale milk out yet, SER?

Anonymous said...

so indian tourists are undesirable, but giving inul a datukship means indonesian tourists are more desired and less likely to stay on?

oh ya..indon tak apa..serumpunnnnn

Anonymous said...

So since you have all this issues you are fighting for , would you be brave enough to expose your real identity like a man?
or would u rather make noise behind the guise of anonimity and the comfort of your bedroom?

Why so scared? You talk big..walk the talk la..

-David Lee-

KijangMas said...

Anonymous said...
"so indian tourists are undesirable, but giving inul a datukship means indonesian tourists are more desired and less likely to stay on? ... oh ya..indon tak apa..serumpunnnnn"

Let me ask you Anonymous, why must YOU terasa pedas? You Malaysian citizen OR Indian national? Apa kena mengena sama lu?

Yes, of course, the Indos (bukan "Indon" BUT "Indo") are serumpun. Isn't it OBVIOUS?

I have no problem with legitimate Indo immigrants -- those who worked hard, stayed here more than ten years, pay taxes and contribute to society -- as long as they Masuk Melayu and be assimilated into the "Malay Race" as defined in the Malaysian constitution. The local Melayus in Malaysia actually do need fresh infusions of "hardship genes" and a survivalist mindset so inherent in our tough Indo brethrens. I do regular business trips to Jakarta and other Indo cities and I'm always refreshed by the toughness and ingenuity amidst hardships exhibited by the pribumis there. We need these berjuang qualities here.

Anyway, lu tak suka, too bad. That's life. KijangMas is not here to be loved by you or your compadres.

KijangMas said...

Chong Eng Sim said...
"... be brave enough to expose your real identity like a man ... Why so scared? You talk big..walk the talk la..
-David Lee-"

Let me first ask, you are "Chong Eng Sim" OR "David Lee"? Which one?? You are not even sure of your OWN identity and you come here and bark about people having to disclose THEIR identities.

Haiya, so which one are you? "Chong Eng Sim" OR "David Lee"? As Unker Yew above might sophisticatedly expound, "T. N. Singhhhh!!!"

BTW, I know you used to post as "-bun-" Thats all the identity I need.

Who cares if your real name is Aloysius Ignatius Lourdes Chinnathamby a/l Nallakaruppiah Rozario Gomez and you live in Lot 235-C Rumah Panjang Kg. Chubadak Tambahan ...... who cares!

We are here to share thoughts and ideas and some occasional literary sparring. KijangMas gives ALL sides equal opportunity, even those who wanted to use Samurai swords to kill "4-5 Malayus" at one swoosh. Doesn't matter, because the rest will hantam back as well. KijangMas disallows only the most rabid extremists and the syiok sendiri holier-than-thou sarcastic constipated jerks. The rest, silakan. Tapi kalau makan cili, jangan cepat terasa pedasss.

Can you say the same of the cowards behind MT? No. Pukul curi all the time.

Yeah, "Chong Eng Sim" @ "David Lee" @ "-bun-", why don't you preach this same message to the MT Junkies and see what happens? You know what? You will not even be published; you'll be moderated to the dustbin in an instant.

So much for Ketuanan Rakyat.

Anonymous said...

"The local Melayus in Malaysia actually do need fresh infusions of "hardship genes" and a survivalist mindset so inherent in our tough Indo brethrens."

So in other words, melayu's in malaysia are lazy and soft as opposed to hardworking & touch indons?

Junah said...

Kijangmas, I read the extracts of your Patani Book - really informative and interesting. Is the book only for sale in e-book format or will it hit the book stores? Your book was an eye-opener. Now I understand why my Thai Chinese in-laws never consider themselves Chinese, only Thai. BTW - I think that your comments in the previous post on the need to have only Sekolah Kebangsaan are valid. I would prefer us to be all one type in language and basic culture (ala the Thais) altho' we may have different religions (same as in Thailand). But then because I'm of mixed race maybe I don't have so many hang-ups about the matter.

KijangMas said...

Anonymous said...
"So in other words, melayu's in malaysia are lazy and soft as opposed to hardworking & touch indons?"


Its not a matter of the local Melayus being in YOUR words "lazy and soft." Its a matter of diluting the budipekerti and tatatertib so inherent in the local Melayus that you people have taken advantage of. We need the "nggak enak kalau lu bikin gitu dong" and the "lu mau berentam sama gue ia?" posture that has reduced your kind to assimilated batik-loving pussycats in Tanah Jawa and its environs.

Unknown said...

Kijangmas dear

i am enjoying every word of all your replies

the "hantam sama dia" style is so classic, i'm in stitches

super duper hilarious

p.s. yeah, i agree with you that sometimes graciousness is perceived to be a weakness that many will take advantage of

KijangMas said...

Unker Yew Wang Ker said: "... KM's initial is actually ... "T.F.K" as in "Tar Fei Kei" ..."

Woi Unker, curi hantam betul-betul under the belt ahh? Velli funny liao. Lu sapa? Some kind of ham sap lo ka?

You sure this Unker is not you ah?

Anonymous said...

KM,ROTFLMAO, where u find time to look up all this stuff apart from your busy 11967 routine?

Sad to say, that unker do look abit like me but no lah, I got more class than that lah :).
Very good message there!
OK we shake & settle.

We both agree "f**king is not harmful";
Only with someone u can connect heart & mind lah, not those sewa type!

Where got hitting u under the belt one? U invited me here one what. If I did, it's becoz I'm not as tall & big as u mah, can only reach below your belt.U got icon status, I only small chiku. Give chance lah,else I unleash my tigress & ZZ Top fren on u, then u feel the heat.

People nowadays think MPV very great, back in my hey days, I get chauffeured around by ex-Dakar rally drivers in my 25 seaters BMW limousine one, u know. Terror or not.

Unker Yew
PS - BMW = Bas Mini Wilayah :)

KijangMas said...

Junah, thanks for browsing my Patani Book site.

The book in its present form would probably not get Malaysian Home Ministry clearance due to the perceived "sensitive" nature of its content. You see, Malaysia is extremely particular in its relations with Thailand, even as the Thais exterminate thousands of Patani Malays (over 4,000 since the latest conflagration in Jan. 2004) with impunity, including the infamous Tabal (Tak Bai) Massacre. On the flip side, the Thai authorities have also worked hard to suppress this and other books on Patani in their effort to influence world opinion on the issue.

So there won't be a publicly displayed hard copy anytime soon. For now, just buy the e-Book via PayPal. The content would be an even bigger eye-opener as documented Malay history (recorded in ancient foreign inscriptions, not heresay or village folklore) on the peninsula are pushed back to the year 200AD, with the Isthmian Malays (Ligor-Patani-Kelantan) occasionally ruling over Angkor and Champa. Sadly, many people think Malay history on the peninsula begins with Malacca.

The vast majority of Malaysians – even keris-wielding Malay nationalists – are not really aware of the three million ethnic-Malay Muslims under Thai colonisation in the old Patani kingdom. This figure will breach five million if you add the assimilated ethnic-Malays of the Upper South (e.g., Trang, Phuket, Phatthalung, Krabi, Nakorn Si Thammarat) and the Bangkok area. As for the future of Patani, its hard to say, but the restive region will remain a sore appendage tethered precariously to the soft underbelly of Thailand and will be that country's main catalyst of instability.


Yes, Malaysia badly needs an alternative prescription to solve her race-induced social breakdown and a diluted sense of nationhood. And absolutely the single biggest cause of the ethnic divide afflicting this country today is vernacular schooling. This multiple parallel educational system with multiple languages is almost unique in this world. Why then should we wonder that, after 51 years of nationhood, many Malaysian citizens still think they don't belong here and speak Bahasa Malaysia like they just got off the tongkang from Kwangtung or Kerala. Its scandalous. And yes, a single Sekolah Kebangsaan system is the only way to go.

Wait for my upcoming post on the unresolved race problem that has been a curse on our beloved Malaysia.

Anonymous said...

Very interesting post!

Will feature this post in our website:
and link back to your blog.

All the best!

Anonymous said...

The funny thing is, in Thailand they are doing exactly what you advocate to do to assimilate the nons.
And here you are crying and writting books and making noise about something that you want to emulate.

In your words, if the malays in thailand cant assimilate and accept thai rule, then they deserve to be slaughtered aye? ;)

KijangMas said...

thaiRakthai said:"The funny thing is, in Thailand they are doing exactly what you advocate to do to assimilate the nons. And here you are crying and writting books and making noise about something that you want to emulate."

Not so simple, guy.

Try to comprehend the distinction:-

- The Malays of Patani are indigenous to the region. They were native to a region that was CONQUERED by an adjacent foreign power. And this foreign invader in turn tried to absorb these conquered nation and people into its yoke. When Nazi Germany invaded much of Europe in WW2, you expect these conquered lands and populace to be subservient neo-Germans? Of course not. They are distinct nations with the right to self-determination. And the Americans and British and their allies actually went to war over that. Same scenario in East Asia when Imperial Japan invaded much of China and Manchuria. You expect the conquered Chinese to be Japanese? Same reason you shouldn't expect the Patani Malays to be Thai.

- As for the non-Malays in Malaysia, they are not a populace of any conquered territory but are descendants of non-Nusantara immigrants who have refused to be part of Bangsa Malaysia, which BY DEFINITION, shall be formed in the image of the Malays (plus the Borneo Bumiputras after 1963). The ancestors of these non-Malays -– by hook or by crook or by indentured slavery or by whatever permutation of fate, fortune or folly -– washed ashore on Tanah Melayu that was already governed by established polities, the various Kesultanan Melayu, with their embedded adat and tatatertib. These pendatangs (yeah, who said this is a bad word? When I’m in the U.S., I’m a PROUD pendatang partaking in the American dream) and especially their cucu-cicit like YOU have no business being something other than a proper member of the Bangsa Malaysia race forged in the image of the Melayu Tuan Tanah.

Understand the distinction. Again:-

- The Patani Malays are the original inhabitants of a 35,000 sq km nation that was conquered by force and deceit by the Kingdom of Siam in 1902 and affirmed by the British colonial govt. in 1909 without consultations with the conquered nation and her people.

Hence, Thailand is in no position to assimilate the populace of this distinct captive nation.

- The non-Malays are not a conquered people or the native populace of a captive nation. They are descendants of people who -– again, via various means -– ended up on Tanah Melayu a century ago and who, in return for the right to stay permanently, should subscribe to the language and cultural norms of the dominant native populace, the Malays and other Bumiputras. The Thai (and Indonesian and indeed American) prescription that I advocate applies to these people, just as the Thais and Indonesians compel their own ethnic-Chinese immigrants to assimilate in toto into the dominant socio-cultural milieu.

Try to comprehend distinctions in socio-political concepts and political paradigms before you throw rhetorical verbiage to support your own narrow anti-Malay racist agenda in the very land that gave your kind the shelter and opportunity when others –- even your own ancestral motherland -- refused.

Anonymous said...

Very well written my friend. Give em all the truth till they choke.

Unknown said...

Kijangmas dear

i'm impressed with your rebuttal to thairakthai

second to chedet, you have overtaken rocky bru and others

already an addict to this site

looking forward to your next posting

Anonymous said...

Will the Sabahans be allowed to adopt your reasoning and demand freedom from the useless Malay rule?

~~Proud Sabahan Halena~~

KijangMas said...

~~Proud Sabahan Halena~~ said:"Will the Sabahans be allowed to adopt your reasoning and demand freedom from the useless Malay rule?"

Sure babe, whatever turns you on.

Sabahans or the Moros or Quebec province or Kashmir or the Basques or Chechnya or South Ossetia or Tamil Eelam can demand whatever you people want -- the same way the people of Negara Melayu Patani Darussalam demand independence from Thai colonisation.

There are three ways for a region to “get out” of the mother country:-

- Talk
Negotiate with KL. Give your reasons why its better for you to extricate yourselves from “useless Malay rule”. Then collect the RMx billions to reimburse the NET outflows that KL have spent on your state, including to cloth you and to educate you to the point where you can actually turn on a PC and post your message in English here. Also, explain why this "useless Malay rule" is so darn attractive to the immigrants that have membanjiri your land?

- Vote
Yup, referendum. Pengutan Suara.
They had the Cobbold Commission in 1963 where the people of North Borneo overwhelmingly chose to join Malaya, Sarawak, Singapore and Brunei to form Malaysia. We know what happened to Singapore and also Brunei, but that’s another story. So lets have a "Halena Commission" and ask the Sabah population their preferences. Look, I’m all for self-determination. If betul the majority of Sabahans prefer secession from the Federation, fine by me. In fact, your MPs had a golden chance to do just that (at least Step 1) if they had joined Anwar's circus and formed the federal govt. where they can try to legislate Sabah's emancipation from "useless Malay rule." So what happened to that story? Anyway, good luck in your handling of the Markas Kalimantan Utara of the Angkatan Bersenjata Republik Indonesia, the Southern Command of the Philippine Armed Forces, plus the myriad of Moro and Sulu militias surrounding and salivating over your land. No more Royal Malay Regiment and Sarawak Rangers and Senoi Praag, not to mention the SU-30s, MiG-29s and F/A-18s to protect your butts. Naah, forget these armed groups, how are you gonna handle the MILLIONS of Filipinos and Indonesians who would be walking unmolested into your land? Ask for Aussie military aid? So you jump from "useless Malay rule" to recolonisation by a Western power? Nice indeed. Just ask the East Timorese how things are right now after jumping from the Javanese frying pan to the Ozland barbeque pit?

- Fight
Now, when Talk and Vote are not possible, then you’ll have to fight. This is what the Patani Malays have done since 1902. Winner takes all.


See, no big deal.

Throwing incendiary “useless Malay rule” jargons won’t free your people. Get off your soft butt and take the necessary steps NOW. Act on it. Argue your case. Walk the talk. I for one would love to hear YOUR side of the story – why you abhor the “useless Malay rule.”

BUT you know what? I don’t think you’re a Sabah Bumiputra. You’re more than likely a confused China-overdosed pimpled-laden SRJK(C) delinquent posting from Ah Soh-infested Tan Yew Lai Garden, Old Klang Road, KL.

Anonymous said...

..and i halena, a proud sabahan will never accept 31st August 1957 as our independence day

Anonymous said...

Look at the 20 point memorandum, See for yourself how the useless malays failed to uphold the agreement! that is why the malay semenanjung rulers are useless in our eyes!

Anonymous said...

One more thing...
Under the Contract of 'Malaysia'
Sabah is not 'just one of 14 states' in Malaysia.

The signatories for 'Malaysia', the team camps at the table were - Sabah, Sarawak, Singapore and Malaya.

Sabah = Malaya (inclusive of all its component states)
Sabah = Sarawak
Sarawak = Malaya

so did Sabah, from becoming one of 4 entities in the federation become one of the states? Somehow over the years, this so-called agreement has changed. The only point in this agreement that won't change is point-4, Sabahan can't be leader of the Federation. Kita yang kunun liberated from the West World, now kena 'occupied' by the Useless malays

KijangMas said...

Halena Kadazan said..."... i will never accept 31st August 1957 as our independence day"

O.k., based on your “logic,” 37 American states should also NOT accept July 4th 1776 as their independence day since ONLY Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, South Carolina, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island and Virginia signed the declaration of independence. The Americans will then have to celebrate the 4th of July + 37 other dates for the other states of the union? Does this make sense? Look, the 49th state Alaska joined the American union only on Jan.3, 1959 and 50th state Hawaii joined as recently as Aug. 21, 1959, almost two centuries after American independence. Do Alaskans and Hawaiians celebrate these dates? Heck, they don't even know about these dates. Do these late entries make them less American than a jock from Connecticut? Ask Sarah Palin.

Get off this self-induced inferiority complex! If you are affected even by dates, then macam mana mau maju, Macam mana mau tendang keluar the "useless Malays"?

Listen, dates of independence is nothing more than the beginning point of a nation’s political history. Tanggal permulaan. This “nation” then grow as incremental territories joined into the polity either via democratic means or (in the case of Patani) as captured enemy territory. BUT, by convention, the beginning date of the formation of the embryonic state is usually regarded as the national or independence day.

Why are you so gullible? So easily influenced by Malay haters from the Semenanjung who are trying hard to poison your mind? This independence date thingy was never an issue until it was brought up by some Semenanjung politicians.

That’s why I keep saying, do not be blinded by stupid rhetoric of opportunist politicians. Jangan termakan gula-gula percuma yang di tabur di depan mata anda.

Anonymous said...

Proud Sabahan Halena

This chick must be daydreaming.. Send her to meet Melem Ailene (remember the music school operator – Ori from HongKong) in LahadDatu/Tawau /Sandakan. Meylem Ailene will just JENTIK her melelong like a hungry mosquito and laugh sampai terburai intestines with her darling APEK Chong. Proud Sabahan konon!! Still a long long way to go eh.. to match Meylem Ailene and APEK Chong prowess. Of cos unless your PA or HUBBY “owns” special BALAK concession (money collect in HongKong).. that I wont dispute.

Open your eyes Helena, go do your part and help. Have you ever had the chance to travel to other parts of Sabah? 30years ago, you may never reach those DESTINATIONS in one good piece from your Tambunan and Keningau farms. And you have to BERAK by the roadside (with lots of tissues), the hours or days of journeying to get you there! Even that if you are lucky to get across Sungai Segama and Sungai Kinabatangan safely when it rains! Of cos unless you have that extra money to catch the once daily flight, that’s a diffelent stoly.

Or have you ever travelled to Kota Belud 30yrs ago from your farms? Have you been to SAHABAT or SUKAU or even use SILAM roads then while trying to visit DANUM? How many stops where you need to PUKE and BERAK tepi jalan? And thank your LORD that you were not mugged by M16 welding LANUNS.

Go to Lahad Datu/Tawau/Sandakan TODAY and start counting, how many of you KADAZAN owns a shoplot there? Or to make things simpler, contact APEK Chong at one of AgroHardware branches to get easy info.. Maybe you should learn their “TRICKS OF THEIR PIMPY TRADE” and turn you into a PROUD SABAHAN!! But beware! don’t bring your husband along or Meylem Ailene will swallow him too.

This is one PROUD KADAZAN yang tak celik diri.


KijangMas said...

To : Halena Kadazan,
From: KijangMas Kelantan

I understand your predicament.

In fact, I agree with most of the content of the 20 Point Memorandum. You know, if Negara Melayu Patani Darussalam was ever freed from Thai colonisation and somehow ended up in the Malaysian Federation, I KijangMas would draft a 50 Point Memorandum to make sure the rights of the Patani people would be safeguarded through posterity. The demands of the Patani people would dwarf your demands.

Now back to your sob story.

Who -- I repeat -- who is at fault here? The “Useless Malays”? So they are NOT so “useless” after all lah kalau gitu? Not bad ah? Boleh conquer and telan a HUGE state over 1,000km across the sea. Indeed, not bad for a “useless” tribe. Where are your leaders? Mana lu punya pemimpin-pemimpin dan nasionalis Sabah yg akan membela lu punya hak-hak? Mana?

No point barking up the blogosphere tree.

Look, you use your energy and organise a campaign to highlight this issue? Go do it! Get involved. This is a democracy. The majority gets their way. If betul this is the overwhelming sentiment of Sabahans, KijangMas will be the first to lend support. BUT .... are you sure your sentiments are reflective of the majority of Sabahans? Are you YOURSELF part of a majority group, with the critical mass sufficient to move your political agenda?

I doubt. Otherwise, you won’t be desperately wasting your time tumpang sedih in this unfriendly blog.

Go lah see your state leaders and ask them why this happened? You have a formidable array of political pahlawans out there. Go ask Musa Aman, Pairin Kitingan, Bernad Dompok, Maximus Ongkili, Shafie Abdal, Gaphur Salleh, Joseph Kurup, Bung Mokhtar Raden to name a few. And, of course, the mahaguru himself, PANDIKAR Amin Mulia. Go demand your state rights with them and ask them to present the case of your people to the federal government.

Like I’ve said, Anwar offered an opportunity for Sabahans to reform this relationship on a silver platter. Why your people didn’t take it? Why still mau duduk bawah ketiak in your words “useless Malays”? Why? Kan Abang Melayu ni tak guna, tak bagus. Jadik? Oh lupa, Anwar ni pun Melayu jugak. Could be an even bigger “useless Malay.” Watcamne?

You know why the Sabahans didn’t take up Anwar’s offer?

BECAUSE, all these Sabah tak puas hati issues are instigated NOT by the real PRIBUMI Sabahan, but by the anti-Malay, anti-Muslim gang led by Yong Teck Lee who see the chinese ratio of the state’s population dwindling by the day as the waris and sanak keluarga of the pribumis move in, albeit illegally, from neighbouring lands.

See, Yong Teck Lee and his gang of rogue Cina Bukits hijacked the legitimate concerns of the Sabah people and rehashed them into their own anti-Melayu agenda, with flames fanned by the DAP Cina Totoks from your hated Semenanjung. They do this to the point where true blue Sabahans mau muntah meluat tengok muka samseng-samseng penyangak ni who had the audacity to claim to speak for the 30 suku kaums, including the KadazanDusun, Bajau, Suluk and Murut.

One more thing, you render your contribution here meaningless when you insert “useless Malays” in every comment you make. You are disclosing your ulterior motive and your hatred which have clouded your vision of the world.

I advise you control your pathological hatred of the Malays .... you being spurned by a cunning Melayu lover does not give you the license to bark “useless Malays” in every other paragraph you regurgitate). Present your ideas with dignity that you seem to crave so much.

Anonymous said...

Sallam kijangmas,

I normally read Chedet,Sakmongkol, and JebatMustDie....I stumbled yours via,am i glad i did...its so refreshing to see that you deal with the racial slurs from the chinese racist with a different perspective.Yup... engaging them intellectually and giving a piece of their own medicine..."YOU HIT ME I HIT YOU BACK,HARDER"...

I used to engage these chinese racist at wouldn't believe the languages they use.. doesn't reflect their intellectual capabilities...They have so much hatred towards the malays and yup, i concluded that they are from srjk(c)...I believe unclekit is anti malay...He is the Mother of all Racist...

Anyway, good to have you here... keep on blogging...DEMI NEGARA dan BANGSA....

Anonymous said...

Halena Kadazan.
You're sick.
Sabah is one of the 14 state in Malaysia. We'll eat you up and assimilate you. Resistance is futile.

Useless Malay Borg

Anonymous said...


I was in stitches reading your posting and your cavalier attitude in rebutting to some of the comments here is simply awesome.

Anonymous said...

Dear PROUD MARY ooops, Proud Kadazan Halena...isssshhhh ni sorang manusia yang tak tahu untung rugi..

Have you heard about the 1985 pirates, guess not, I don’t think you even dared to visit Tunku/Lahad Datu/Semporna/Tawau, even 4years after this incident. Communications were bad then eh, so I guess you may not even know about this incidence at all, or were you still in your Pampers when these took place?

Even at the slightest rumour of “revenge striking”, the towns turned deserted for weeks!! AND MIND YOU HALENA, THESE PEOPLE WERE ONLY A HANDFUL OF PIRATES. And they raided your towns merely using motorboats and marching to town on FOOT?. Itu pun semua bertempiaran lari ba!!

Just the slightest sound of “BAAANGGG”, turned out merely to be noise from a punctured vehicle tyre… all the APEKs, instantly rolled down their shutters. No one dared even to go to the market for weeks. You may even get stabbed behind your backs by the little Filipino street boys littering the town.

People needed to travel in convoys to do only the necessary things in town. Even that was not safe enough. Their cars might get bombed along the way.

The Pirate Story
Sept 24, 1985 -- 11 people were killed and several injured when 15 armed pirates landed on Lahad Datu town and fired randomly at the public before robbing a bank of RM190,000. The attack was over in about 30 minutes.

Police and military personnel pursued the pirates and smashed the group which was hiding on an island near international waters.
During the robbery of a bank in Lahad Datu, Sabah, I was teaching in Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Abdullah, Semporna, Sabah. Semporna is about 200KM away from Lahad Datu.

The robbery was carried out by a group of pirates in commando uniform at around 1.00 pm. The Marine Police in Lahad Datu has requested for help from Semporna. On receiving the request the Marine Police jumped into their speed boats and rushed to Lahad Datu. Their action has created fear among the local folks especially those at the market which was just beside the marine base.

The locals were really scared of pirates as they have gone through numerous unpleasant encounters with them. So they too ran for their lives leaving behind all their fish and vegetabels. The stores were emptied in just a matter of minutes. The whole town was quite and deserted.

Meanwhile parents started to flood the school where I was teaching. Buses were waiting outside the school. They rushed in to look for their children. The school was in chaos. There was no way to control the situation. In less than an hour the school too became empty.

Only a few teachers were left behind including myself. We have never seen such things before. I was just posted there in January after graduated from teachers training college.

A few days later, we learned from the news that the pirates were killed in a neighbouring country.

… GET REAL HALENA.. Apa you sedang merepet ni? Jangan terlalu sombong nak cakap hal Singapore, Thailand, Malaya blab blab blah when you don’t even connect yourself with your own SABAH surroundings… And by the way, have you gone to get statistics from Maylem Ailene/Apek Chong?


Anonymous said...

I still very sad to hear from Halena PROUD SABAHAN, insisting 1965 as their Merdeka Day?

Let me relate to you the goings on even after both dates, 1957 and 1965..

In the 80’s-90’s before the roads and before BN came, Sahabat to Lahad Datu then was a long and winding dirt road, when the sea tides rise, the coastal road tenggelam, must wait for tides to reside, only then proceed the journey.

Most Plantation workers were treated by Halena’s kind as bonded slaves. Hai, teladan orang putih bah! These workers worked day and night even after 3years, WITHOUT GETTING A SEN! Kononnya potong this and that for expenses!

Yang cerdik2 no choice, with no money or food, decided to run away from these miseries. They had to travel in groups on foot hoping to find refuge/help from friends/relatives in Lahad Datu. And what happened along the way? You have alerted your kuncu2 to ambush them along the way. They got caught, beaten, slashed, ladies raped and threatened, dek kata orang, diajar sampai serik ba! and sent back again into your waiting arms, and the sad stories continued… Get the names of those involved from Meylem Ailine/Apek Chong.

I don’t think Halena’s kind knew about all these. They get direct remittances to their bank accounts from these Plantations, don’t even know where these plantations are situated. Nama keluarga tiba2 terselit masuk as shareholders! Bini bulan2 dapat RM60K, anak Jantan RM50K each, yang betina2 RM25K each, goyang kaki kat rumah.

Sori Kijangmas, I do lots of travelling dari Perlis hingga ke Sabah saja. Overseas sekadar pelajaran dan short holidays..

So my articles are concentrated on LOCAL CONTENTS only. Orang macam Halena mampus nak menjelajah TANAH SENDIRI, takut lanun, takut kaki kena selut lumpur, hanya keSemenanjung, HongKong (shopping), Australia (anak beranak studies) dan luar Negara lain (melancung berbulan2).. PROUD SABAHAN KONON!


Unknown said...


Got this link of the Malay Mail today. I felt that you represent the voice of my emotions, actually most of the people on the street who knows and understands the Malaysian charades.

You have strong rebuttals, with valid points, and so far your ulterior motives is not to provoke, but to speak out what needs to be spoken.. sometimes subtly, sometimes 'in your face' which makes me giggle like a chick and Im a true blue man! Darn, I wish I can write like you! But its good that you channel out your feelings.

I implore those who are against a true voice to voice it out, speak your mind with outlandish claims. By all means! I like to hear the facts that our mate here, Kijangmas, will use to prove your words are invalid, and if its true, how he will support it.

Totally brilliant, mate, just brilliant!

Max I Am

"...Kita orang putih ka, orang hitam ka, orang ungu ka, orang biru ka...kita kan orang Malaysia.."

Susan Lankaster in Mat Mekanik

pakpandair said...

A deep reflection on the superficiality of our Malaysian life. This mania or obsession for titles very often get in the way of rational functions. I heard on a television show the chairman asked 'Datuk Professor Dr Hajah', a panelist, for her opinion. Quite a mouthful, I thought. Somehow it feels different when you refer to Datuk X as the singer of a song over the air, instead of just the name of the artist as is the norm in the field of art and literature. Tbis is not to suggest that titles in recognition of genuine contribution is of no value. Just a persoal view.

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!