Thursday, July 23, 2009

Misfiring MU, Masalam Mystery and Manic Manek plus Malevolent Mullahs, Mesmerising Michael and Maltreated Maids

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Misfiring MU, Masalam Mystery and Manic Manek plus Malevolent Mullahs, Mesmerising Michael and Maltreated Maids

My three-week semi-sabbatical took me on a slow journey up our beautiful East Coast to my ancestral domain of Kelantan and some points beyond.

Nowhere to go and having all day to get there.
A slow drive on a coastal trail less travelled, near Tanjong Jara.

Dungun river estuary.
Stunning and reasonably pristine.

Soul-soothing sojourn.
Cruising off the beaten track on Trengganu's central coast on a lazy afternoon.

Padi fields as far as the eye can see.
Along a country road between Pasir Puteh and Bachok in the Kelantan heartland.

A lot of things happened in our country and beyond during those three-weeks. I will touch on six of those in this extended post. KijangMas will talk about football, a mysterious death, Kelantan politics, Nik Aziz, maid abuse .... and as if those are not enough .... Michael Jackson as well.

Now, reschedule your appointment, go get a good cuppa coffee, open your mind and later share your thoughts with fellow members of the DN Community.

Misfiring MU

The Malaysian selection (Under-23 players plus four overaged guys) put on a decent performance against a slightly ruffled Manchester United squad on Saturday. This team of young, mostly unknowns made the millionaire stars of MU work hard to carve up a 3-2 win in front of a near capacity crowd at the 100,000-seat National Stadium.

Yeah sure, this is still early preseason for MU; their players were not fully match fit and jet-lagged; the heat and humidity were too much; and most of the stars were on third gear and avoided unnecessary injuries in a meaningless game. But MU is a professional outfit, a veritable sporting institution. Nothing less than superlatives are expected of them and people pay good money to watch the team perform.

The Malaysian selection could have hung on to the 2-2 scoreline if coach K. Rajagopal had not made wholesale changes to the line-up in the final quarter hour, which effectively unraveled the team's balance and cohesion. Haiya coach, stick to your best eleven lah, with only 2-3 strategic substitutes. You cannot field fringe players (in a squad already of second stringers) against MU and expect to prevail.

Why Under-23 team for such a glamour tie? Well, the football competition in the upcoming Laos SEA Games has a FIFA-imposed Under-23 age limit, and FAM used this occasion as match practice for the SEA Games squad. But if you ask me, we should have fielded our full international (FIFA Class A) squad against Rooney, Berbatov, Scholes, Giggs, Owen and associates. Give them the best we've got lah.

Nevertheless, my praises to the Malaysian selection, especially to Amri Yahyah (one of the overaged players) for his two opportunist goals. Not many have scored two against the Red Devils in a single game under any circumstances.

The two teams had a hastily arranged (due to MU's bombing-scuttled trip to Jakarta) and tame rematch on Monday evening, where a reserve-laden United prevailed 2-0 thanks to two early goals. But that's academic.

The future of Malaysian football?

Sorry folks, still bleak. Smileys

The reason?

It's multifaceted. Suffice to say that they are spawned mostly from FAM's administrative incompetence, with league format changes almost an annual affair, and the body's inability to grasp the game's commercial dynamics and external challenges.

Masalam Mystery

PM Najib yesterday announced the formation of two investigative bodies to get to the bottom of the mysterious death of Teoh Beng Hock near Selangor MACC's headquarters at Plaza Masalam, Shah Alam. An inquest headed by a magistrate will investigate Teoh's cause of death while a Royal Commission of Inquiry (RCI) will study MACC's interrogation methods.

Now, please allow the people conducting the inquest and the RCI to do their jobs. My message to the Pakatan politicians, go back to administering the states that was entrusted to you people in PRU12. Enough politicking, curtail your parasitic, opportunist inclinations. Manage the crumbling economic and social affairs of the five states under your care.

Now, these are the facts:-

- Teoh Beng Hock, the young political secretary to Ean Yong Hian Wah, Selangor's exco for new village development and resettlement of illegal factories, was called in as a witness in MACC's investigation of alleged misuse of allocations by several Selangor state assemblymen.

- He was last seen in the MACC pantry at 6am on Thursday (16/7) by Tan Boon Wah, the Kajang municipal councillor who was also questioned by MACC in relation to the same case.

- Tan was quoted as saying,
“He looked tired, but he didn’t say anything to me."

- Teoh was found dead on the roof of Plaza Masalam's 5th floor podium over seven hours later at 1.30pm.

These are additional details forwarded by MACC:-

- According to its
director of investigation, Mohd. Shukri Abdull,
Teoh was brought in for questioning after MACC raided Ean Yong’s office at the State Secretariat building at 4pm on Wednesday (15/7).

- Teoh arrived at
MACC's office, 14th floor, Plaza Masalam at 5pm. He was interrogated until 3.45am early Thursday (16/7) morning .

- He was asked to return the next day with relevant documentation to assist the investigation.

- He was then "released" and free to go.

- Teoh told MACC officers that he was tired and wanted to rest in MACC's premises.

- Tan Boon Wah's sighting of Teoh at 6.00am in MACC's pantry corraborated the story, at least until that time.

- MACC chief commissioner Ahmad Said Hamdan said Teoh was no longer in their custody when he was found dead at 1.30pm on Thursday.

- Ahmad Said was quoted as saying,
"Teoh was let off after questioning. We do not know where he went after that.”

The police had these to say:-

- Selangor police chief, Deputy Comm. Khalid Abu Bakar, said police recorded statements from 33 individuals. The NST said these include 25 MACC officers. The Star said eight of the 33 are MACC officers. (Siapa betul? Take notes and count properly lah).

- He said Ean Yong and lawyer M.Manoharan had been summoned to give their statements. Apparently, Teoh had contacted Ean Yong and Manoharan prior to his questioning.

- Tan Boon Wah, the interrogatee who saw Teoh alive at 6am, lodged a police report against MACC on Saturday (18/7).

- According to Khalid, police acted on Tan’s report but astonishingly Tan refused to give his statement pertaining to his report.

- Khalid said Tan would be compelled to give his statement to the police. According to The Star, he would be summoned under Section 111 of the Criminal Procedure Code. The NST reported that he would be served a notice under Section 11 of the Penal Code. (Again, mana satu?).

- Tan would be charged for making a false report if he further refuses to cooperate.

- Tan finally gave his statement at the Selangor police headquarters at 9pm Monday (20/7). Tan now denies he was uncooperative, claiming he was in Johor during the weekend, attended Teoh's funeral in Malacca, and then went to the Shah Alam police headquarters at 9pm where he remained until 12.30am.

- Police would also question two other MACC interrogatees who were with Teoh and Tan.

- As for the time of Teoh's death, Khalid was quoted as saying: “If we follow the initial report of the doctor about four to five hours before the body was found.”

- CCTV footage showed Teoh entering the building on Wednesday (15/7). No recording of him leaving.

- Police has custody of Teoh’s Sony Ericsson P1 mobile phone, wallet and backpack, all obtained on Thursday (16/7) from MACC investigation officers.

- Bernama quoted Khalid as saying: "We wanted to trace the calls made by the deceased before he was brought into MACC custody and the short messaging service (SMS) notes received before he was found dead."

- Parts of a window from the 14th floor were found on the fifth floor where Teoh’s body was found.

- According to the NST, police “… also checked the window of the interrogation room on the 14th floor from which Teoh was believed to have fallen. They also took the window latch.”(Italics added).

- The Star reported Khalid as saying police are also investigating underworld links to this case.

DAP appointee, Tan Boon Wah, investigated for supplying flags paid by tax-payer's money to the office of fellow DAP cadre and state assemblyman Ean Yong Hian Wah for a mesra rakyat event on August 29 last year, filed a lawsuit at the KL High Court against MACC yesterday (22/7) for false imprisonment. Tan claimed
he was made to stand “like a soldier” and stare at a point 200 meters away and was shouted at if he moved his head. Tan complained about being called Cina Bodoh by the interrogators.

Anything else?

What can we imply and hypothesise from these raw facts and recollections?

Not much and too much. The conspiracy theorists would be going berzerk with their giddy speculative conjectures based on different permutations of these raw info, and of course further skewed by their political inclinations.

What we all want to know:-

From what angle was Teoh a MACC "witness"?

- Idealist turned whistleblower?

- Perpetrator being "strong-armed" to become prosecution witness?

- Reluctant know-all political secretary with "keys" to the
state assemblymen's cans of worms?

- Unfortunate inconsequential pawn in a battle involving the underworld?

How did Teoh die?

- Yeah, the fall-induced trauma would be obvious, but what about the "means": suicide or homicide?


- What time between the 6.00am sighting and 1.30pm discovery? Based on the preliminary pathologist report of Teoh being dead 4-5 hours prior to the body's discovery, then his death must be around 9am.

- Did his boss, Ean
Yong Hian Wah, and other
DAP politicians actively attempted to locate Teoh from the wee hours of the morning upon his release until the time of his body's discovery?

- Why was his body "discovered" only at 1.30pm?

No one actually peeked out their office window (and saw the body) from morning well into lunchtime?

- And once the body was "discovered," many clear pics taken from their windows above were posted in blogs by office workers. If it was there earlier (between 6am and 1.30pm), no one saw it from their office windows?

Where did he died?

- We are sure he died at the spot where he was found?

- Let's not get gory here, but the impact point of a human's nine-storey fall on concrete is a heck of a mess.

- Even the "thud" could be sickeningly deafening.

- Nobody heard or noticed anything? Wouldn't that building be teeming with people at the 9am purported time of fall?

- And as mentioned, no one saw the body from their office window from early morning until the 1.30pm "discovery"?

Why? Yes, the motive?

Now, let's assume it is not suicide, who would want to kill Teoh?


- So these people killed their potential whistle blower and star witness and then had to diligently rebuild their case again?

- And assuming they did it, these people were too dumb to concoct a believable story out of their alleged misdeeds, like simulating a proper "suicide" with staged commotion, suicide note and all the trimmings of a terjun bangunan bunuh diri scenario?

- And why do it there, at their own premises? Objectively, make sense ka?

- And why left the body there for 4-5 hours?

- But if reports that Teoh jumped/fell/pushed from the window of MACC's interrogation room are true, then this case could be exponentially more complicated.

- What about Teoh's mobile phone, wallet and backpack? Why were they in the possession of MACC officers? Of course, this just lead to more conjectures: Were these items in MACC's possession all these while (hence, potentially debunking MACC's "released at 3.45am" story) or were picked-up later, either in the pantry, sofa or near a 14th floor window after
Teoh jumped/fell/pushed from the 14th floor?

- Whatever it is, it is clear that Teoh
jumped/fell/pushed from the 14th floor without his mobile phone and wallet in his pockets. Interesting ...


- Why UMNO? How could these people gain from Teoh's death? How?

- Look, Teoh is potentially UMNO/BN's trumpcard, another Saiful Bukhari, if the MACC case against the DAP assemblymen goes to trial.

Who else?

Najib? Rosmah?

- Listen up Brother Anwar, Guan Eng, Unker Kit and gang, don't blame everything on these lovebirds lah. Mana boleh semua hal buruk dalam ini negara dia olang yang bikin?

- TNS, lu punya
erectile dysfunction pun salah JibRos ka?

- Yeah, blame global warming and world hunger and MJ's death on them too. Happy now?

Let's refine the question: Who would stand to gain if Teoh is dead?

- What was Teoh's role again? Key "witness," meaning he may testify on the prosecution's behalf?

- Ok, tell me who would not like to hear testimonies from this potential prosecution witness? MACC? They are the prosecutors lah dey. Teoh will be on their side.

Why the silence?

Let me help. How about those who would be implicated by the testimony? I don't know who, but at least now we have a semblance of something called a motive. Betul ka?

Where do we go from here?

Yeah, any leads?

Potential leads:-

- Teoh's mobile phone records.

- Cross-referencing of MACC officers' and relevant Selangor state assemblymen's phone records with Teoh's.

- Who else spoke to Teoh on his mobile?

- CCTV footage, where available.

- Witnesses accounts, and these include MACC officers, Plaza Masalam security guards, cleaners, adjacent office workers,
Tan Boon Wah, and two other unnamed interrogatees. Home minister Hishammuddin Hussein said 40 more people would be questioned.

- Teoh's laptop and office PC.

- Teoh's family and friends.

What about Ean Yong Hian Wah? Yeah, any leads behind those bespectacled beady eyes? He is Selangor exco in charge of what again?
Ah yes, he oversees new village development and resettlement of illegal factories. How many illegal, unlicensed factories in Selangor? What's at stake here? Any linkages to the ongoing MACC investigation?

I also think this Tan Boon Wah fellow may be able to shed some light. For starters, why was he loitering around MACC's pantry at 6am where he claimed to have seen Teoh? I thought he just filed a lawsuit for false imprisonment? What kind of "imprisonment" is this, shuffling around the office coffee machine and fridge? Based on his yardstick, every mamat who was subject to police or MACC interrogation can also claim "false imprisonment" lah! And there are no soft sofas and well-stocked pantries and airconditioned, carpeted rooms in the balais and lock-ups. At this rate, we'll have tens of thousands of lawsuits in the High Court from all kinds of petty suspects and witnesses. Or this yardstick is special only to the DAP untouchables? Actually, these anak manjas are getting too pampered lah. Tak boleh di tegur; tak boleh di jentik. Haiyah Ah Wah, do you know how the LAPD interrogate people? What about the Thai cops? And try imagining the methods used by police in the land you worship, China?

Yes, Tan Boon Wah can answer many questions as he was there. But he seemed elusive, eager only to politicise his own flag scam scandal with a lawsuit against the investigators.

What about this guy?

Ronnie Liu

Can he shed some light as somehow all these scandals and alleged wrongdoings seem to revolve around him? Do you think old comrade Wee Choo Keong's accusations have some truth? Yeah, otherwise Ronnie and Ms. Kok would not have melenting tak tentu arah. Betulkah? I don't know. And PKR's Azmin Ali seemed anxious these days to reshuffle excos and his own political deck of cards. Why? Min, I know you are UMNO through-and-through. Why still want to layan these subversives?

Ok, what else?

Oh yeah, why this tasteless political leveraging of Teoh's untimely death by the DAP and PKR people? Give this young man the due respect lah people. Mana boleh semua hal lu olang mau jadi modal politik? Betul ka? Tiada adat dan budaya ka? Kalau nak alih pandangan rakyat, guna lah isu-isu lain. Kalau tiada isu, ubahlah sikap. Susah sangat ka mau jadi orang baik?

Yes, the action of the DAP and PKR leaders and their racist goons boggles the mind.


Yes, these subversives are nothing more than racist scums, blatantly playing the racial card (e.g., "... the Chinese and Indians are the only ones persecuted ...") whenever their kind are busted by the law enforcement agencies. See this report by the Pakatan propaganda arm. See how the Pakatan leadership use Teoh's death to the hilt to attack UMNO/BN, Najib, MACC, the police, ... even Malay language newpapers.

And when certain media and the government react to the blatant racism, the hardcore racist, yup, the
Homo überbigotedsapien himself, Lim Kit Siang, turned it around and said: "... it was Umno’s publications which have turned the death into a racial issue." Ahh? We are now in the siapa start dulu game kah? Ok, lets play that game. Look at the comments in the Pakatan bankrolled guttermedia and the subversive blogs from the day Teoh's death became news. Read the thick, gooey racist barkings by these self-alienising Malaysians. See the unbridled hatred? Marvel at the irrational logic loop and self-validating conjectures? MCA's Ong Tee Keat aptly called them "self-fulfilling lies."

But in the twisted minds of these scums, they are angelic, virginal beings, holy cherubs who can do no wrong, never hurt a fly, law abiding, never indulge in the vices, .......... and hence beyond criticism, beyond reproach as they sail through life as certified, p
re-approved occupants of their various syurgas in the afterlife.


These scums are not only racists to their rotten core; they are pathological law breakers and social misfits, not just in Malaysia, but in every habitable corner of the planet. Go travel the world -- starting inside the plane itself and the passport queue -- and you'll understand. Yup, even the darn penguins would be victimised by these parasites if Antarctica was not so darn cold!

The unprincipled opportunists who used poor Teoh's death for their unbridled political ambition include the DAP puppet supreme, Tunku Aziz, and the overambitious Anwarista-in-PAS-clothing recently rejected by his own party, Husam Musa. Yup, these pengkhianat bangsas have the audacity to share the stage with the anti-Malay DAP subversives in an orgy of self-glorification and racist incitement (crudely shrouded as "anti-UMNO/BN" of course) at the expense of a young man's tragic death. See how timely and convenient the "Teoh case" has become to these scums as they deflect the rakyat's attention from their governance incompetence, scandals and internal conflicts? These social toxic wastes make me sick!

Opportunists' Handywork
Hijacking a young man's death to prop a sinking ship. But in spite of all the self-serving hoopla, only a couple-thousand turned up, with over 80% from one ethnic group. Mana itu Malaysian Malaysia ah?

And look at the comments by the Pakatan racist zealots in this piece by the same guttermedia. See how their little minds work, blaming Teoh's death and every malady in this country on UMNO, Najib, and everyone else except themselves without an iota of logic or evidence. These people convinced themselves without a shadow of a doubt that Teoh was murdered by parties ultimately controlled by or related to UMNO.


What proof?

Haiya, these anti-Malays don't need inconveniences such as truth and evidence. That's just too much work lah. The "proof" is in their finger pointing. When enough of these goons repeat the same thing, that will be the "truth." Remember Altantunya? What was the evidence again supporting the Pakatan "truth" in that case? Oh I forgot, the chief "evidence" manufacturer absconded and forfeited his day in court. And of course, these mini-Goebbels tried the same stunt with Manohara, but her momma was so rotten with daily revelations of her evil past that these goons couldn't latch-on to the conniving free-loaders without contaminating themselves. Too bad. Collectively, they would have been the perfect band of bandits. And along came a convenient case to ride on; Teoh's death is now parasitically sucked to the hilt as a rallying point to resurrect the crumbling political edifice of the subversives.

Yes, the Culture of Blame among these people is astonishing. You think leaders and followers like these are fit to govern and lead this country? No way. See how one little Penang Buah Pala is being mishandled? Imagine a few dozen Buah Palas and other Buahs
at federal level? Habislah Malaysia.

KijangMas is as curious as anyone else about this unfortunate incident. Right now I obviously don't have the answer. Possibilities lead to more conjectures. A purportedly idealistic young man on the eve of marrying his two-month pregnant fiancee was found dead near the premises of the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission nine hours after reportedly released from a marathon interrogation session. Those are the facts. Now, how do we reconcile the various politically-tinged conjectures with the truth?

Yes, the truth is what we seek.

Manic Manek

UMNO cut PAS' majority from 1,352 in PRU12 to just 65. Now, that's a swing of 1,287 votes in 16 months. PAS squeaked through by less than one percent of votes cast, in fact, less than the 117 undi rosak that could have gone either way. A mere 33 votes out of the 65 would have swung it to UMNO's favour. Of course, PAS and Pakatan leaders put on a brave face to this statistical deadheat, with Brother Anwar proclaiming "a win is a win." But politics is all about trend and momentum and trajectory of political sentiment.

I spent over two weeks traversing Kelantan, my ancestral domain, and stayed there right until after polling day. I travelled to all corners of this Malay heartland, stopping by at the ubiquitous coffee shops, fruit stands and wakafs, and mingled seamlessly with the common folk in palm fringed beachside kampungs.

The undercurrents of discontent among the
Oghé Kelaté are getting palpable. The zealotrous support for PAS so common these past two decades has died down. Some suggest that we are now in the gap period before the next PRU, a time where partisanship is less profound.


Politics is a way of life among the Kelantanese, where a fierce independence streak makes us naturally opinionated. And we are great conversationists as well. The bbua politik in the ubiquitous keda kopi, social functions and family gatherings is a cultural trait, perfected to almost an artform.

The less than enthusiastic support for PAS is an indication of the shifting sands of public opinion. As for UMNO, I can see a more receptive stance towards the party by the Ogh
é Kelaté. But it's long ways yet. Not many have gone around town with UMNO/BN flags and stickers on their cars, trucks and kapchais, unlike the PAS faithfuls. Not yet.

But the tide is definitely turning.


How far can you go with ceramahs after ceramahs after ceramahs on the same issues day after day after day? Yeah, drive around KB and the major towns after Isyak and you are bound to come across a PAS ceramah circus, ..... yes, a circus, with makeshift food stalls and restless kids scurrying around as the transient audience listen intently to the political rhetoric touching on current issues, many eagerly anticipating the comedic punchlines, the subtle sarcasm delivered in the idiom-rich Kelantanese dialect. You see, Kelantanese is the perfect dialect for penceramahs.
Its formidable repertoire of tonal-based expressions tinged with subtleties of sounds, nasal nuances and wickedly delicious double-entendres -- perfected over centuries of dramatic story-telling via the wayang kulit, makyong and folk theatres -- would mesmerise the audience. Hey, a good ceramah is the ultimate Reality TV, with real life public figures shouting themselves hoarse amidst a boisterous, interactive audience with their spontaneous roar spiced with the occasional good-natured heckling.

I attended my fair share, often for the sheer entertainment. In PAS ceramahs, I would also notice a core, familiar group of loyal followers. Yup, these ceramah groupies would faithfully attend ceramahs just like obsessed fans follow Michael Jackson concerts. We'll get to MJ later, I promise.

My KB neighbour, Ayee, recently said:-
é, kawé muok nok mutoh doh denga pok-pok PAH (that's PAS in Baso Kelaté) nih dôk ceghamoh. Guano nih, dôk ceghamoh sokmo? Kécék hok bendo tulo. Siyé malé, pagi peté, senak ceghok. Kalu dôk ceghamoh sokmo gak wéii, lagu mano nok tadbir negeghi kito? Sapoh betambông, dôk pakak tôhôk ikôk dé. Haghak ko naté kambéng maké. Kalu kulék pisé buleh lah maké. Kulék deghiéé nga plastik tok ké nyo buleh mamoh? Rupuk tepi jalé depé rumoh kito pông tok ghajéng kerak."

I interjected:-
ôk haghak kambeng maké jugok ko?"

Ayee resignedly replied:-
"Doh kalu gituh, biar nat
é kambeng la jadi exco, bia mamoh habih pépa-pépa mesyorat nga keghosi méjo. Opéh pông jaghé masôk pok-pok nih. Biar kito bui ko naté kambeng. Ko guano?"

Wow, that's profound, coming from a livelong PAS voter. BTW, if you can't understand the Germanic vernacular above, too bad. Go befriend a Kelantanese near you to assist in deciphering.

Yeah, apart from garbage and goats, larger issues plague PAS today. And Kelantan is ground zero of this PAS ailment. The party's unholy alliance with DAP and PKR at the expense of Malay Muslim interests is discomforting to many Kelantanese.

What is wrong with this picture?

The large and economically active Kelantanese diaspora on the West Coast are experiencing and witnessing first hand the political turmoil in their adopted states of Selangor, Perak and Penang plus KL of course. To many, the sight of kurang ajar non-Malays naik toncang in the federal parliament and the various West Coast state assemblies, including insulting His Highnesses the Agong and brother Sultans and, without proper adat and tatatertib, outrageously questioning every conceivable tenet of the Constitution, is just too much. Many of these out-of-state Kelantanese are now actively enlightening their brethrens during trips back home, especially on PAS' role in this gross erosion of Malay political clout.

And the issue of Nik Aziz Nik Mat, the PAS spiritual leader, often gets embroiled in the conversation. Many now openly question his wisdom in steadfastly opposing any form of rapprochement with UMNO while supporting continued collaboration with DAP and PKR who really are the antithesis of PAS' image, philosphies and political struggles.

So folks, what's up with the Tok Guru?

Malevolent Mullahs

A lot has been said about Nik Aziz Nik Mat’s steadfast stand against any form of talks between PAS and UMNO. To many, this is a sad indication of Nik Aziz’s abject lack of comprehension of the national political dynamics, where an unprecedented four-way-split of the Malay electorate on the back of the political coalescence of the non-Malay minorities have severely diluted Malay political hegemony. This in turn threw off-tangent the precarious socio-political equilibrium of our country as the 23+7 percent of the population leveraged on their empowerment to challenge every facet of our nation's affairs, from economic policies to education all the way to the core essence of Malaysian nationhood.

I was surprised myself at the forcefulness of Nik Aziz’s very public denunciation of Nasharuddin Mat Isa, the PAS deputy president and key initiator of the proposed PAS-UMNO “Malay Unity” talks. This is not the Tok Guru that I know and respected through the years. Patience, diplomacy, humility and other trademark virtues of this man in his two decades of rule in my home state and his stewardship of the Islamic party went out the window in the tirade.

Malay nationalists, plus assorted political opportunists with a sudden “calling” for ethnic nationalism, were understandably outraged, and wasted no time lambasting Nik Aziz, who retaliated with his own barrage of outrageous innuendos, including equating UMNO's nationalist platform with Chin Peng's CPM and, bizarrely, with the loony sect of the dewa-wannabe, Ayah Pin. Well, to oppose the pan-Malay dialogue is one thing, but to dismiss UMNO's three million plus members as the equal of the CPM bastards (who murdered the forefathers of many UMNO and PAS members) and to the Sky Kingdom apostates brings us to another level.

Many privately asked KijangMas, “Bosz, what’s your take? Why is Nik Aziz so naïve about Malaysian politics? How could he blatantly sabotage the political future of his fellow Malay Muslims?” Others also said, “Why would any patriotic Malay, not least the Kelantanese, support this man?”

Adding to Malay incredulity is Nik Aziz's enigmatic thumbs up for Lee Kuan Yew, the living icon of the anti-Malays, during the latter’s recent visit to Kelantan.

Nik Aziz's Ngan Yin Moment
Sealed with a handshake. Is PAS now in the kacang business with Singapore?
Hey, I thought people say, "you pay peanuts, you get monkeys"?

Nik Aziz is actually a captive of his pathological, all-encompassing hatred of UMNO. As I’ve mentioned in the past, his faction within PAS hates UMNO more than they love the Malays or Islam. To these people, they will do anything to spite UMNO, hence the bizarre thumbs up for Lee Kuan Yew and the ongoing unholy alliance with the anti-Malay, anti-hudud “infidels” of the DAP and PKR. Whenever UMNO and Malay Muslim nationalists take a stand on an issue, Tok Guru almost by default will take the opposite stand no matter the untenability of his logic.

Remember the hoopla about the usage of "Allah" in Malay-language publications and bibles that form part of the paraphernalia to Christianise the Malays? While federal agencies, state muftis, Malay Muslim NGOs and bloggers expended much time and intellectual resources to comprehensively counter the "Arabic-'Allah'-in-Malay-bibles-BUT-not-in-other-bibles" sandiwara by the Catholic Herald and Christian proselytisers, Nik Aziz dropped a bombshell by proclaiming that it is o.k. for non-Muslims to use the term. The logic? In his sheltered mind mollycoddled cosily in the loving clutch of his pious flock, Nik Aziz theorised that non-Muslims might want to learn more about this "Allah" and may then convert in a happy ending to the story. Yup, if only life could be that simple. But life outside the Tok Guru's little cocoon isn't so rosy. Indeed, the motive of the Christian proselytizers is the exact opposite. To these zealots, equating the familiar Muslim "Allah" with some other deity or collection of deities would make it easier to deceive impressionable young Malays and other Bumiputras.

And in the midst of attacks by subversives on Malay Special Rights (that actually paved the way for the wholesale giveaway of precious Malayan citizenship to the pendatang ancestors of these same subversives), Nik Aziz suddenly jumped in and proclaimed that the "Bumiputra" term is racist. Yup, anything
to spite Malay nationalists, which he simplistically lumped into the UMNO pool. Of course, this instantly made him the lovable pin-up mullah of the anti-Malay subversives who would embrace anyone and anything that fit their nation-wrecking agenda. Oh, remember the Elizabeth Wong tidur kangkang saga, where she blamed UMNO and everyone else except herself? Yup, true to form, Nik Aziz welcomed her in Kelantan (mercifully covered-up in tudung and baju kurung this time), where she was feted like some kind of UMNO “victim.” Her audience with the Tok Guru apparently “absolved” her of all previous carnal sins and perversions. I wonder if Tok Guru ever gave a thought to the real victim, the teranianya Malay Muslim woman that is Hilmi Malek's wife? Sad.

The Tok Guru’s UMNOphobia arose from past bitter experiences during his party’s fleeting infatuation and subsequent power struggle with UMNO in Kelantan over three decades ago, which led to PAS’ acrimonious estrangement from the embryonic BN coalition. A younger Nik Aziz was a key proponent of PAS-UMNO unity in Tun Razak's new BN coalition at that time. The political crisis and federal emergency rule in Kelantan in 1978, which he attributed to UMNO's power-grabbing machinations, left him beaten, ridiculed and humiliated. His beloved PAS was decimated by defections, and prominent dissidents formed splinter mosquito parties in their battle for Kelantan. PAS remained in the wilderness for over a decade and was resurrected only when the Kelantan UMNO government imploded and crippled by MB Mohamad Yaakob's feud with the palace. Fired by parochial sentiment for Tengku Razaleigh's Parti Melayu Semangat 46, the Kelantanese comprehensively voted out UMNO in the 1990 GE and brought to power the Semangat 46-PAS alliance. PAS became the main beneficiary of this Ku Li-induced shift in voter sentiment, with Nik Aziz installed as MB while Ku Li and the Semangat 46 crew focused on the national stage in their bid to unseat Dr. Mahathir's UMNO/BN coalition at federal level.

PAS' political near-death experience and subsequent reemergence on the back of anti-UMNO, anti-federal sentiments starting in Kelantan and now in four other states left an indelible mark that forever shaped Nik Aziz's psyche towards UMNO. Hence, although the UMNO warlords of that era are now either demised or retired, Nik Aziz’s vengeance has not abated. And this man rebuilt his political career on the basis of antagonism with UMNO and continuing portrayal of UMNO as a party of deviant degenerates. Interestingly, his political fortune was also aided by Kelantan UMNO, which took it upon itself to implode repeatedly – in recurrent orgies of cah keting – over the past two decades. As long as most of the common Kelantanese abhor the bungling local UMNO characters, Nik Aziz will continue to rule the state.

Of course, in the national political perspective, PAS' collaboration with DAP and PKR has been detrimental to Malay political interests. Without PAS, Pakatan Rakyat would not be a viable political force and will cling to power only in Penang. But the worldview of Nik Aziz and many PAS members do not extend to such strategic thinking. They are still immersed in localised intra-Malay feuds -- the kafir-mengkafir stuff -- within their cultural comfort zone. Hence, when senior PAS figures started to talk about some “Malay Unity” dialogue with UMNO, should we expect a different reaction from a politician whose “strength” is in Malay disunity? Yeah, why should Nik Aziz acquiesce to the political sanitization of UMNO (especially in his own Kelantan beachhead) by elevating this “sworn enemy” into a group worthy of civilized deliberations? Indeed, a rehabilitated UMNO will be a mortal threat to his group in PAS.

So you see, Nik Aziz’s outburst and opposition to PAS-UMNO talks is nothing more than political self-preservation. Any form of dialogue with UMNO would threaten his political support base, and the Tok Guru will resort to any means to cast UMNO in a bad light. The comprehensive defeat of his slate of candidates in the recent party polls – most prominently, his protégé and neo-Anwarista, Husam Musa -- infuriated the Tok Guru. The victor, Nasharuddin, the spoiler in Anwar’s PKR-isation of PAS, must be punished and ridiculed. Hence Nik Aziz's stinging not very ulamak-like verbal attack.

The pro-unity group within PAS, people like newly re-elected president and deputy president, Hadi Awang and Nasharuddin, are more appreciative of the national political dynamics in their capacity as MPs in the federal parliament. They are necessarily pragmatic, less parochial and understand the deleterious impact of Malay political disunity, not just for the Malays but for the country as well. Over one year of political wrangling within the unwieldy, inherently untenable Pakatan Rakyat made it imperative for the Hadi-Nasha tandem to recast PAS’ anchor in the choppy Pakatan sea. A dialogue with UMNO would curtail DAP’s chauvinistic excesses and strengthen PAS’ hand in the Pakatan powergame as the alliance would collapse without the Islamist party.

But why Nik Aziz cannot see the light?

You see, Nik Aziz is essentially a glorified localised politician. His comprehension of the national political scene is clouded by a very thick haze of strategic ignorance and a worldview tinted with hearsay and factual distortions dished out by fawning simpletons. Add of course his history-tinged UMNOphobia and basis of political existence and you have an uncompromising character further emboldened by the unconditional adulation of his taksub followers.

Of course, Nik Aziz can indulge in bashing fellow Malays because he can politically and socially afford such decadent fratricide. He lives in a totally Malay universe in Kelantan, the oft-cited Cradle of Malay Civilisation. Yes, Kelantan is 97% Malay. The handful of minorities – ethnic-Chinese and Thais – are long ago assimilated linguistically and culturally and even foreign nationals exhibit their mastery of the local dialect as a badge of honour. It is a land where the occasional Indian is but a novelty and the Punjabi Sikhs and the Dan Lain-Lains are nothing more than flickering images on TV screens. Any “threat” from these Cino kito? Nope. The Teresa Kok and Ngeh-Nga Ternganga China-worshipping Cina Totok species are absent in Kelantan as the linguistic-cultural dominance and sheer numbers of the hardy Oghé Kelaté are detrimental to the propagation of such aliens.

This is Nik Aziz’s little social paradigm.

“Race” as grotesquely manifested in the West Coast does not exist in Kelantan. Everyone’s a Kelantanese – the Malays as well as the tiny ethnic minorities. And there really is no racial division of labour in this homogeneous land, as the tenacious and versatile Kelantanese Malays are involved in every aspect of the economy. They are the goldsmiths, roti canai men, hardware store owners, restauranteurs, building contractors, rubber tappers. They are the rice merchants, Ah Longs, electricians, paddy farmers, fishermen, cowherds, vegetable farmers, accountants, lawyers, doctors, engineers, … heck, even the “road bikin” crew cooking asphalt in the hot sun are Kelantanese.

Logically from his viewpoint, there is no “ancaman kepada Orang Melayu dari kaum lain” as there really is no recalcitrant “kaum lain” to “ancam” the Oghé Nnayu of Kelaté. And “kita Melayu perlu bersatu” appears to him as nothing but rhetorical sloganeering from a desperate UMNO. Well, anyone cocooned in such a tight-knit self-contained society would feel the same way. Indeed, Nik Aziz eat, sleep, talk, pray, work, think and give speeches in a wholly Malay universe. Yes, not just Malay, but the peculiar unadulterated, uncontaminated, cohesive variety known as the Kelantanese. In this rich agricultural and cultural heartland (which actually encompasses 35,000 sq km from southern Songkhla in Thailand to Setiu in Trengganu), one can blissfully exist and thrive from cradle to grave very much without uttering anything but Kelantanese. And one’s worldview and mindset are forged from this specific social conditioning.

Imagine talking about an Asian or Hispanic “cultural threat” to a farmer in lily White North Dakota or Montana. Yup, the multicultural challenges plaguing New York or Los Angeles would not strike a chord with inhabitants of America’s White heartland. And no gubernatorial or congressional candidate running in these states would go far campaigning about issues specific to New York, LA and other cosmopolitan social hotspots. The same principles apply in Kelantan. Remember Manek Urai? 99.2% Malay Muslims! Now that’s as homogeneous as you get anywhere on earth.

Nik Aziz's inherent parochialism is perhaps indicative of the psyche of the Kelantan masses. The Kelantanese traditionally are wary of central authority. Their extended social realm was partitioned into two halves by external powers with the advent of the 1909 Anglo-Siamese Treaty, where Kelantan fell under the British sphere while its sister state of Patani was annexed outright by Siam. Hence, till this day, four million Kelantanese speakers (two million in-state and at least an equal number in other states) on the Malaysian half are cut-off from three million of their brethrens simmering in the four Thai-controlled provinces of Patani, Singgora, Menara and Jalor. Indeed, momentous geo-political history beyond petty Malaysian politics shaped the psyche of the Kelantan-Patani people, who necessarily view external forces in negative light: The Riau Malays out of KL for the Kelantanese and the Central Chao Phraya Basin T’ai of Bangkok for the Patani people.

How does this translate into Kelantan politics?

To the Kelantanese, PAS and UMNO represent two different things. Through the years, PAS has been viewed, perhaps justifiably, as the political platform that epitomised the unshackled, maverick and independent streak so inherent in the Kelantanese. PAS excelled in painting itself as the parti kito, perfectly playing up to the deeply ingrained anti-federal, anti-Oghé Lua sentiment of the hyper-clannish Kelantanese. And this UMNO Oghé Lua bogeymen is further embellished by PAS as the culprit, the guilty perpetrator of PAS’ abject failure to administer and develop the state. Again, not wholly untrue, UMNO is accused of withholding federal development funds and other economic injustices. Kelantan’s request for a regional TV station to cater to its linguistic and cultural specificities was long ago rejected, although even Thailand’s Channel 11 beaming out of Jalor (Yala) has news broadcasts and entertainment in Kelantanese-Patani Malay. And then we have the oil royalty fiasco. A lot can be said about this matter and I will leave it to a future post, but suffice to say that this will be yet another political timebomb of UMNO’s own doing.

UMNO, born in the Riau Malay heartland of Johor, is viewed as the political front of centralist forces bent on extending their political tentacles on far away Kelantan. Everything about UMNO is "federal." Everything radiates from some mysterious, powerful pusat -- kuasa pusat, kerajaan pusat, pentadbiran pusat, perancangan pusat. "Pusat" means "control," control by the central authorities -- the weird sounding Oghé Lua from distant Putrajaya.

Hence, PAS’ strategy in Kelantan is simple. “We are the Oghé Kito party that will keep these uncouth Oghé Lua at bay. As for election promises, the PAS approach is simple as well.

Promise nothing.

Yeah, nothing neatly wrapped in a box of inconsequential intangibles. PAS has perfected the art of disseminating this nothingness via a fatalistic disposition juxtaposed on spiritual holiness spiced with vague allusions to some corollary divine blessings that would be “felt” only by the true believers.

How could one argue against that?

My friend Robin called recently and asked, "but Bosz, didn't UMNO/BN ruled Kelantan in the past? Why so susah to regain your state? Waah, this PAS that good ah?"

Look, UMNO flourished in Kelantan in the seventies on the back of Tengku Razaleigh's stature in the party and government, as the creator and initial driver of our national treasure, Petronas, and as the all-powerful Finance Minister under PM's Razak and Hussein Onn. Ku Li propelled Kelantan politics to the national centre stage, with a very distinct possibility of him becoming the PM for ALL Malaysia, an Anok Kelaté at the helm of our nation. Of course, there was a minor inconvenience of someone named Mahathir Mohamad in the way and the rest is history. Ku Li formed Parti Melayu Semangat 46 in the aftermath of the 1988 UMNO deregistration fiasco and fought UMNO/BN in two GEs before folding in 1996. Ku Li’s political machinations profoundly recalibrated Kelantan’s political dynamics. UMNO's influence in the state faltered and never quite recovered till this day as the post-Ku Li leadership stuttered and stumbled in their bid to regain Kelantanese support.

Of course, Kelantan UMNO is not helped by the disposition of its main cast of characters. Justifiable of not, the likes of Annuar Musa, Awang Adek Hussein, Fatmi Salleh and Sazmi Miah are not exactly bankable. Many ooze sleaze. Some are slimy to the touch. Others, such as Zaid Ibrahim, jumped ship to another party after earlier being canned for money politics and then failing to win even his own little branch elections, let alone the General Election. Zaid now swaggers to the Pakatan beat in his pantomime of false relevance with fellow opportunists in PKR. Perhaps the lone figure of dignity in Kelantan UMNO is Mustapa Mohamad. Datuk Pa is a good man, a technocrat, almost an accidental politician. But how much can one bland, uninspiring good man do to reverse UMNO’s fortunes in Kelantan?

So how then? How can UMNO/BN recapture Kelantan?
How to counter the PAS propaganda machine appealing to Kelantanese parochialism and borderline irredentism?

Go back to the
Oghé Kelaté. Back to the grassroots.


Kelantanise the state UMNO.
Yes, a Kelantan UMNO by the Kelantanese for the Kelantanese focused on Kelantan issues. Kelantan UMNO will tackle PAS head-on on specific LOCAL issues, LOCAL grievances, LOCAL needs, LOCAL concerns.

No need to send too many Riau Malays, mamaks, celup Malays, semi-Malays and pseudo-Malays to confuse and infuriate these finicky Malay heartlanders of linguistic and cultural homogeneity. And please lah, no need to fly in the likes of Samy Vellu, Tee Keat, Tsu Koon, Kayveas and other extra-terrestrials to Planet Kelantan.

No more Najib PRU12 "Kelantan munduuuuurrrr ...." and "Tahun Merawat Kelantan" insults. And don't repeat the
Padé Doh disaster of the un-Kelantanese-like budok hité that was the final nail on the UMNO keranda in PRU12. The UMNO Riau Malays often thread a fine line of local propriety in their canvassing of Kelantanese votes at every PRU. Often, a couple of non-Kelantanese sentences uttered perhaps subconsciously to critique Kelantan's perceived backwardness irrevocably turned off the audience. Another constituency lost. And this happened again and again in every PRU, where ignorant non-Kelantanese UMNO ministers unwittingly imposed their intrinsic prejudices on the Oghé Kelaté crowd.

Yes, Kelantan’s distinctiveness warrants a revolutionary approach to its politics. If Najib and UMNO/BN genuinely care about the welfare of the Kelantanese, then they should think outside the UMNO box and seriously implement measures beyond their political comfort zones that have failed miserably for the past two decades.

As for Nik Aziz, should the Malays worry about him?


He is the last vestige of a past generation stuck in a historical timewarp and oblivious to national political dynamics, unable to even remotely comprehend the external pressures on his Malay race from a fast evolving regional geopolitical arena.

Let him be. Let the Tok Guru indulge in his tantrums and cynical rhetorics on Malay Muslim issues.

We must focus on the new crop of leaders -- of all parties -- who will determine the strategic direction of this country's Malay Muslim backbone. Let there be dialogue, not just an UMNO-PAS lovefest, but a healthy holistic discourse across the panacea of Malay society as we collectively rein in the excesses of the past half decade induced by a perfect storm swirling around an incompetent Malay leadership buttressed against a toxic cocktail of a lunatic fringe bent on dismantling the very essence of our Tanah Air in cohort with a chameleonic charlatan desperate to occupy Seri Perdana at all costs.

Stable and cohesive Malay political leadership are the ultimate determinants of Malaysia's viability as a sovereign, progressive nation. And this "leadership" transgresses mere political parties. It is all-encompassing, with all Malays as stakeholders. Can UMNO assume the lead with PAS? We shall see.

Now, what has Nik Aziz got in common with Michael Jackson?

Nothing. Except perhaps the Tok Guru leads the charge for the moon party while MJ moonwalks to stardom.

Now for my little closure on Michael Jackson.

King of Pop: 1958-2009

I received an early morning (KB time) text message from a friend in Santa Cruz, an hour’s drive south of San Francisco. It read:-

Bosz, MJ, the King of Pop is dead. Heart failure. Wow. RIP.

A quick online check confirmed the news, as it spread like wildfire in news portals, social network sites and blogs, with many sites "choked" by the sheer volume of MJ-related queries. Yes indeed, Michael Joseph Jackson, the pop icon of my 80s generation, died of cardiac arrest at the age of 50 in his rented Holmby Hills estate, a 15 minute drive via the Santa Monica freeway from my alma mater in a part of Los Angeles as much my “kampung” as KL and KB. The exact cause of death has not been conclusively determined and subject to rigorous toxicology tests, although all indications lead to the usual substance abuse prevalent among troubled stars. MJ's precarious physical state contributory to his untimely demise is subject to media speculation around the world.

I was a fresh faced college freshman in California when Michael Jackson took the music world by storm with his Thriller album. Of course, MJ was already a child prodigy in the early seventies. But Thriller, released in late 1982, proved to be a milestone in the evolution of American pop culture. The music bridged the ethnic divide as Whites, Blacks, Hispanics, Asians and all colours in between hummed to the tune of Human Nature and The Girl is Mine and shuffled and gyrated to the beat of Billie Jean, Beat It and Thriller and the rest of his 37 U.S. Top 40 hits. Millions of people around the globe were touched by MJ's music. And I can still recall his memorable U.S. TV commercial for Pepsi, co-starring a young Alfonso Ribeiro of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air fame.

MJ's concerts were spellbinding, with the audience mesmerized by his sheer energy and prodigious talents. Oh yeah, KijangMas was there, swaggering to the beat in two concerts, although I could never master the Moonwalk ...

Those were the times when upscale Rodeo Drive shops shut their doors to the public to cater to the shopping safari of MJ and his unwieldy entourage of hangers-on and parasitic sycophants. The mercurial pop icon was a travelling circus alright, attracting huge crowds wherever he went. I myself caught glimpses of Jacko upclose and in the flesh a couple of times while buried in a frenzied, gawking crowd of fans and curious bystanders caught in the contagious mayhem.

During graduate school, I lived for a while in Studio City, a bohemian commune of budding starlets and entertainment industry workers just off glitzy Ventura Boulevard and a stone's throw from Universal Studios. The neighbour across the street, Mike, wrote jingles for TV commercials, plonking on his piano for hours on end. Adam, a cultured African American chap, was a stuntman on such shows as The Fall Guy and The A Team. Another neighbour worked as a budgetting exec for 2oth Century Fox. I occasionally visit an Arab coursemate in his rented dilapidated haunted mansion-type bungalow near downtown LA where almost a dozen Hollywood "extras" camped out in spartan conditions waiting for their big break.

I don't think anyone made it to stardom.

The closest any one of these out-of-state Americans got to being a "star" was Jim with his cameo role as a mental hospital attendant who chased MacGyver and got nailed real good by an improvised booby trap. At least 20 of us cheered in front of the TV when Jim became a "TV star" for 42 seconds in that popular 80s show. It was a real ROTFL moment for me upon seeing poor Jim making a complete fool of himself on TV in a showbiz career that ended with a good whacking in the face by some unbelievable gizmo assembled from stuff out of a garbage can in the usual MacGyver style. Jim told us he went through four takes to get the shot right, meaning he had to run across the “hospital hallway” (actually a studio prop in a Burbank backlot) and then get knocked by flying planks swung by off-camera stage hands four times. And Jim had the bruises to prove the reality of the routine. Man …. the price people pay for 42 seconds of fame.

The Hollywood motion picture industry is traditionally heavily unionised, which prompted many cash-strapped American productions to cast and shoot across the border in Toronto or Vancouver. Of course, every other waitress, handyman and car jockey you meet in a 10-mile radius of Hollywood is a card-carrying member of the 200,000-strong Screen Actors Guild, the film and television performers union. Some made it big, such as ex-waitress Mariah Carey, ex-carpenter Harrison Ford and former obscure back-up dancers, Madonna, Paula Abdul and Jennifer Lopez.

Living near Hollywood through the years also gave me the opportunity to view and study these stars up close in their natural habitat. A post-midnight trip to the convenience store on Wilshire, La Cienega or Santa Monica boulevards could spawn interesting chance encounters with personalities worshipped by fans across the world, including many in Malaysia constipated by their hilarious mimicry of Ameringlish viewed on cetakrompak CDs. Jack Nicholson, who famously proclaimed "I only take viagra when I am with more than one woman," is the consummate American HamSapLo, and he comes across to me as a cool albeit borderline psychotic hombre. He is often seen with budding young starlets in tacky overpriced eateries dotting the Sunset Strip and is a permanent fixture at Laker basketball games. Jack would occasionally oblige with a firm handshake and cheeky grin, characteristically uttering, "Hey man, long time no see. You been scoring much lately?" "Score" what Jack? I leave that to the imagination. And now imagine Bette Midler or Barbara Streisand without makeup buying milk and cigarettes at 3am. Not a pretty sight.

But nothing beats an encounter with The Godfather of Soul himself, the late James Brown (here marshalling the only joint stage appearance by MJ and his 80's rival Prince in a one-of-a-kind 1983 footage) at a somewhat rundown but famous diner off Figueroa Street in downtown LA. He sportingly allowed us to snap pictures while I marveled at his humungous platter of barbequed ribs, double order of hashbrowns, tub of
Häagen-Dazs plus what looked like a barrel of Devil's Juice ..... and he said those were just for starters. Yeah James, I'm sure you feeeel gooood.

Well folks, the eighties was more than just Michael Jackson. It was a paradigm shift in the musical affixation of an entire generation. To me, the eighties was the Golden Age of pop culture, with new musical genres spawned in an explosion of talent and creativity enabled by the fusion of musical rhythms and beats in an embryonic borderless world. A young MTV came to my living room in 1982. Yeah, you eighties junkies out there, recall this piece.

My favourite 80s musician? I'm a big fan of Bryan Adams. His works such as this, this, this and this define the Californian KijangMas. Who else? The late Paul Davis was excellent though underappreciated. Sample this and this. And then we have the usual standardbearers across the different genres such as this, this, this, this and this.

But there is only one King of Pop -- Michael Jackson. MJ lives on in his music, and will set new heights in popularity and commercial success even in death. And this is his last hurrah.

Thank you Michael. R.I.P.

Maids and Mad Dogs

I get sick to the stomach whenever I stumble upon yet another picture of an emaciated, shivering and badly mutilated Indonesian maid. What kind of warganegara Malaysia would do such things?

To the sadist perpetrators, you are nothing more than animals; no, you people are below that as even animals have proper rules of conduct among their kin.

Haiya Auntie, apa sudah jadi? Ini sudah lebih. Apasal lu orang hantam itu pembantu rumah sampai separuh mati? Sampai paksa makan babi, makan nasi dalam longkang, kasi cacat dia orang punya badan? Tapi gaji tadak bayar. Kerja free kah? Dia orang lu punya hamba kah? Lu apa jenis punya binatang ah? Atau mungkin makhluk lain alam ka? Mana planet lu mari? Mana punya bahagian Cilakalah (bukan Cakrawalla) lu terbang mari senyap-senyap masuk ini bumi Malaysia? Waulau, banyak syiok ah? Hantam lain manusia cukup-cukup? Lu orang punya pasal, satu Malaysia sudah busuk nama. Sampai negara jiran serumpun pun sudah mau perang sama ini negara. Basket lu. Lu bikin kacau, semua orang kena tanggung. Bikin semua orang susah. Ada patut kah? Ini macam boleh jalan ka? Ada ngam kah? Tadak! Dari sekarang, lu orang kena ikut lain syarat kalau masih mau pakai pembantu rumah. Lu Tanya apasal? Sebab, rakyat Malaysia yang berbudaya tinggi dan bertamadun halus Nusantara macam gua boleh pakai syarat-syarat sedia ada. Tapi haiwan buas dari lain planet macam lu kena ikut syarat-syarat yang sesuai untuk lu punya kepala otak dan hati perut. Lu tak suka, lu tak setuju, itu bukan gua punya hal. Lu jenis makhluk aneh tadak terima kasih sama orang. Kita lagi tolong, lu lagi jahat. Kita lagi kasi, lu lagi mau. Ini macam boleh tahan ka? Sekarang lu sendiri kena masak, kemas, cuci dan kasi jaga itu suami, datuk, nenek sama anak cucu. Kalau tak boleh bikin, apasal dulu lu kahwin? Betul ka?

Demi Negara urges the Malaysian government to institute the following maid-hiring rules with immediate effect:-

- Employers and maids must be matched by their cultural and religious backgrounds.
- Malaysian Bumiputras may hire fellow Pribumi maids from the Nusantara.
- Chinese Malaysians may hire maids from China, the Phillipines and Vietnam.
- Indian Malaysians may hire maids from India and Sri Lanka.

What’s that?

Did I hear some noise from that corner of the Cilakalah or was it some Ah Pek humming a James Brown tune?


No deal?

Tak setuju? Tak adil?

Adil? Lu faham ka itu "adil" apa?

Lu paksa pembantu Islam makan babi “adil” ka? Lu kasi curah air panas atas muka orang “adil” ka?

Auntie, hari-hari gua dengar lu orang bising bikin kacau mau simpan lu punya identiti “keCinaan” sampai hari kiamat. Jadi lu kena pakai pembantu dari China lah. Betul ka? Baru lu betul-betul patriotis kaum Cina … baru “matching” sama lu punya semangat. Lu boleh puas-puas lah belajar itu original Cina punya bahasa dan budaya dan masakan dari lu punya pembantu dari Dalian, Szechuan dan Hubei.

Excuse me Auntie? Did you just mumbled about the “danger” of the China-Mali maids? What danger? Ahh? Unker might be seduced? So you admit to the utter lack of budaya, kesopanan, etika and tatatertib (not to mention keimanan teguh and maruah diri) among the pembantus from the land that you worshipped and deified as your pristine linguistic and cultural mecca worthy of exaggerated emulation by your people here? How do you know your kids in the Mandarin-centric, China-driven SJKCs will not copy the values of these China-Mali people? Waah, ini macam hancurlah masyarakat. No wonder Michael Chong is a very busy man.

I’m confused now.

This is getting more challenging than Prince keeping his shirt on in a concert.

You mean to say that the maidens from your self-proclaimed ancestral homeland are sooooo untrustworthy and of low moral character that they would grab your limp Ah Peks (and whatever other two-legged mammals with testicles in your homes) in no time if they are allowed to roam and forage in your kitchens and bedrooms as maids? Wow? And you also imply that you cannot trust your grinning Ah Peks, smiling kid brothers and wide-eyed sons with a young maiden from China in your home while you are out playing Mahjong? Go set up your own Rukunrumah lah. Most of the tenets of the Rukunegara can be used maah …

Print and paste this on your fridge:-

- Kepercayaan kepada tuhan: You mess around with these China Dolls, you end up in hell … on earth with me (yeah, YOU lah Auntie) as the tormentor;

- Kesetiaan kepada Isteri dan Ibu: Ah Pek and the anak jantan better be setia to the wife and mother maah; otherwise habis lah;

- Keluhuran Peraturan: ALL rules set by Auntie are cast in stone. Otherwise, your name Ah Pek will be carved on the tombstone;

- Kedaulatan undang-undang rumah: Yeah, ALL guided by rule of law set by Auntie;

- Kesopanan dan kesusilaan: Ah Pek and sons MUST be on good behavior at all times. The China maid to be on strict dress code. Chastity belt standard accessory.


Still don’t want?

Like this how?

Hmm, let me see now:-

- The China-Mali maid cannot be trusted.

- The husband cannot be trusted.

- The son cannot be trusted.

- The male relative cannot be trusted.

- The male neighbours cannot be trusted.

- Anyone with balls hanging within a 10km radius of the maid cannot be trusted.

Then how?

But how come the O
NLY unhappy party in this transaction is YOU Auntie, plus other likeminded insecure, paranoiac wives! No wonder lah your pin-up gal has been so vehement in resisting government measures to allow China-sourced maids to compete with the Nusantara kind to lessen our dependence on a single, monopolistic supplier. Well, I would have done the same if I look like that! Scarryyy man ..... makes me want to put on a chastity belt!

Hey, you people like to talk about meritocracy lah, level playing field lah, equal opportunities lah, borderless world lah … then how come you are denying your standard-issue rhetoric to poor women from China who wanted to earn an honest living as maids here?


Auntie, why you laugh when I said “honest living”?

Why you assume ALL maidens from China will end up in vice and organized crime? Haiya, how can you generalize whole groups of people like that? Not fair maah. When I critique your group’s peculiar traits, you people had a field day condemning KijangMas as racist lah, anti-this lah and anti-that lah. But how come you can just sweepingly accuse each and every rambut karat long-legged maiden in short skirt from China with names like Candy and Apple of being involved in some kind of vice? Haiya, they need to be lazy and ugly like YOU kah in order to be certified vice free?

Unker, I see you nodding behind that sneaky grin.

Apa? Ya, betul Unker. Who knows, maybe some of these China “dolls” are pursuing advanced degrees in thermobionucleardynamics of the digestive system of the endangered nocturnal scar-faced bob-tailed opossum endemic to the Cheras-Pandan red-light district? Yeah Auntie, why just assumed they are into vice just because they are prettier than you and you somehow had some premonition that your Ah Pek might be caught with screwdriver and crowbar outside your prospective China maid’s bedroom? I'm sure the good Unker was just “testing” the strength of the lock and key maah, true or not ah Unker?

Whoaa Auntie, are you trying to do the moonwalk or are you convulsing in epileptic rage?


Oh, still want to have Indonesian maids to bully, to be the “proxy hate figure” for you to physically vent your pathological hatred of the Malays who were dumb enough to charitably embrace your latok-nenek from the Cilakalah blackhole in space?

Ok, listen up. Dengar sini. Kalau lu mau pakai pembantu Pribumi Indonesia, lu kena jadi macam Bumiputra Malaysia dulu lah. Betul kah? Lu kena cakap Melayu, sopan-santun, tolak ansur, berbudi bahasa dan bertatatertib dengan orang; bukan hantam sana, tibai sini, lesap depan, curi belakang, kambus bawah, roboh tepi, … semua lu sapu mau kaut itu wang. Haiya, faham kah?

Folks, am I being unreasonable here?


Name me a place on earth where whole groups of people can terrorize female foreign guest workers with impunity and almost as a matter of socio-cultural imperative? Where? The Gulf Arab countries? Yeah sure. I also call on these petty fiefdoms to go find their own khaddams and marjinas in the oasis of Sudan, Chad and Mauritania. But would they dare beat and ravage these tough nomads like what they do to poor little Indonesians and Muslim Filipinas?

Anyway, let me restate my call.

Maids and employers in Malaysia MUST be matched by culture and religion. It's just basic common sense. These people live in our homes 24/7, cook and eat our food, take care of our families. It is imperative for the culture and spiritual beliefs of both parties to match.

We are supposed to be a modern nation, currently inundating the world with all sorts of liberalizations and empowerments and enablers and what not. This socio-economic rationalisation must include guidelines on cultural compatibilty and abolishment of legalized slavery made more profound when these poor Pribumi women from a fraternal neighbour become captive proxy-targets and easy punching bags of the subversive anti-Malay lowlifes and parasites.